Ive "I've totally redesigned the iPhone. It's.... well, we wanted to... uhh... we wanted to REALLY get the message across that it's simple. Just. Plain. Simple. To. Use. I think... that when you have simplicity... combined with such beautiful design, gorgeous... so incredible and ... just... just wow, you get something so ..mm.... sooo dramatically different, you know? You get something ... revolutionary. And that's really... that's really what we're trying to do here with the new iPhone."
Interviewer "So can you describe the new design?"
Ive "It's beyond words, really. It's.... god it's beautiful.... we really...hmm... we really pushed our limits this time. I mean, everything from the touch-sensitive shape-changing Home button, to the way the back curves in 3 different places to just perfectly, just absolutely ... astonishingly perfectly, fit in the palm of your hand."
Interviewer "What?"
Ive "Oh god it's incredible. I mean when it came together... I cried. It was so... it was a revolution in your hand, that's what it felt like... a revolution in your hand."
Interviewer "Can you describe the .... you know what, we're just gonna move on... now what about the secure unlocking mechanism? I heard people thought the simple number pad was too easily broken. What have you come up with to contest that?"
Ive "Oh, we've just come up with this... brilliant.. incredible, beautiful way to secure unlock your phone... it's incredible. It's amazing. It's going to make your eyes tear up and cry tears. You see, at first we thought, maybe we add another number pad after the first sequence is entered. But now you're going to find out that you need 3 different slides. But here's the thing... and it's really very revolutionary... here's the thing.... It's really one slide, but the slide changes shape when in different temperatures. So you need to get the 3 specific shapes by going to different temperature rooms to secure unlock your phone. Brilliant."
Interviewer "So like the card keys in metal gear solid."
Ive "Snake is my hero, really. He's simple, very well designed, and... well really, he's revolutionary. He really is. And this time around I think we've made the iPhone a truly real revolution in your hand. Really. Revolutionary. It's.... oh, it's something, alright."
Interviewer "Alright.... thanks for your time."
Ive "I'm not done, I have to tell you about the new mute switch!"
Interviewer "And what an amazing feat that was, thanks for the interview!"