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Awkward rut

Most girls, despite the appeal of modern society, still subscribe to the tradition of the boy making the first move. Only on rare occasions (usually out of impatience) will a girl ask you directly.

Rejection is always a risk, no matter how well you think things are going. In some cases, the excuse for not going out may be genuine, and you must respect it as such. The main thing is to not get too far down on yourself with rejection, but look forward to utilizing your newfound experience towards a future encounter.

If rejection is really taking a toll on you, just do a few preparatory things:
-choose your wording carefully, and think ahead to multiple responses
-make sure you're not behaving uncharacteristic to who you are. No one likes someone who changes personalities.
-be courteous and don't express disappointment if you get rejected. Shrug it off and try to enjoy the time remaining with this girl. You never know if she may change her mind later on (especially if you don't act really depressed after being potentially rejected).

As for your parents: you cannot avoid talking to them about this short leash at some point. Don't necessarily go into the conversation with girls as the topic, but rather inquire about going out with friends or maybe for a hobby you do or something. If you are allowed some leway for friends, girls will follow shortly after.

Good luck! (and dont think so much about it, you'll over analyze things and make them seem a lot worse than they actually are)
 
Wait a minute... in response to the "show some bullocks and don't be afraid of rejection", what are you referring to? I was already rejected.*
Right now doesn't seem like an appropriate time to say "hey baby! How 'bout a date!?".



*I asked her to homecoming, and she was already in a group of girls, but I feel like she would've said yes had I asked her earlier. I was planning on going to homecoming myself, but I missed the deadline to purchase tickets.
 
iMacZealot said:
Wait a minute... in response to the "show some bullocks and don't be afraid of rejection", what are you referring to? I was already rejected.*
Right now doesn't seem like an appropriate time to say "hey baby! How 'bout a date!?".



*I asked her to homecoming, and she was already in a group of girls, but I feel like she would've said yes had I asked her earlier. I was planning on going to homecoming myself, but I missed the deadline to purchase tickets.
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Putting off until you've realized you've let a good thing pass you by isn't an appropriate time either.

I mean this with the utmost respect and friendly advice, but, you proposed a fairly ambiguous "date" (homecoming), at a fairly inappropriate time (late), and got a fairly ambiguously appropriate response (busy — legitimately), which you are now using as justification to not do anything further. You probably had a pretty good idea before you asked what her answer would be, considering that you talk to her enough, and you asked in such a way that romantic intentions would be entirely, well, ambiguous.

You didn't ask her out and get rejected, you picked the absolutely wussiest way to be an absolute wuss to justify your continued wussiness. You set out on a course that was wishy-washy with almost certain failure. That's not going to get you noticed or announce your romantic intentions, unless you've got the same bumbling charm and never-lie eyes as Hugh Grant. Let me tell you, that only works for him and for me, and I use a lot of styling products to get my hair to do that cute thing that it does when I run my fingers shyly through it.

As everyone else in this thread has said, you need to man up and act. Give yourself one week to find an appropriate moment or way to announce your intentions, or just flat out tell her after school in a private area of the locker room that you like her. If she doesn't like you back, things'll be awkward for a week or two while she gets over it (assuming you don't become pushy or clingy) and then it will be friendship as usual. Only you won't have a million "what-if"s hang over your head. You don't set a goal and actually try to achieve it, not only is she going to be the one that got away, she's going to be the first in a long line of ones that got away.
 
Whatever, I'll just try and talk to her tomorrow like before.

Oh, and my excuse for not asking her to go to Caribou with me immediately is not because I got a no for homecoming but rather because she's been ignoring me increasingly.
 
iMacZealot said:
Whatever, I'll just try and talk to her tomorrow like before.

Oh, and my excuse for not asking her to go to Caribou with me immediately is not because I got a no for homecoming but rather because she's been ignoring me increasingly.
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Just go and directly ask her to go for a coffee. If you are stood right in front of her then she can't really ignore you. Don't just shrug off the advice everyone here has given. The number of people suggesting the same thing is overwhelming, that many people can't be wrong!

SuperCompu2 said:
Shrug it off and try to enjoy the time remaining with this girl. You never know if she may change her mind later on (especially if you don't act really depressed after being potentially rejected).
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I agree with that but you don't want to get too much into the mindset of thinking she might change her mind. You might just need to remain friends and move on.
 
notsofatjames said:
You don't need to be able to drive to go out. You have 2 legs, so use them! I was seeing my current girlfriend for a year before I could drive!
I remember how we first got together; It was really weird. A big group of my friends were arranging to go to the cinema one night, so I invited her to come along with all of us, and invite some of her friends. Then in the evening, we met in Subway, to grab some food, then walk up to the cinema together. As we were walking up all my friends kept phoning and texting me telling me they couldn't make it. In the end it was just the two of us going, and we had a great time, and have never looked back.
Now I'm recalling it, I'm starting to think that maybe my friends planned it, but never mind, I'd be glad if they did. See if you can arrange for your friends to do something like that. It would probably work best if you had a mixed group of friends, so that she doesn't feel like she's going out with a bunch of boys.
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that was a very nice story, and you've got some very dear friends. lucky guy! best,
v

xUKHCx said:
1.) We Brits still deal with miles
2.) 2 miles "not a fun distance to walk" :confused: 2 miles would only take about 20 minutes to walk. Just put your iPod on and you'll be there in no time.

Edit:Notsofatjames I obviously walk a whole lot quicker than you do
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if hoofing it ain't your game, why not try a bicycle? even better, load up some old Queen songs on your ipod, pull out the two-wheeler and have at it!

iMacZealot said:
I know, it sounds like it, but it's true. At least one person is killed every year at my intersection. My parents wouldn't let my 23 year old sister drive to Starbucks to meet her friends; they definitely wouldn't let me cross that intersection.
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are you a puppy or kitten, by any chance?
 
my $0.10

You're painting yourself into a corner, which is a sure sign of a lack of imagination and/or motivation. If you want to spend more time with this young lady, then make a gesture that lets her know this. Tell her you want to call her, or that you'd like to hang out before school over OJ. If you want to ask her out, then ask your parents if you can have her over for a movie one weekend, or to an amusement park. Just do it! As an old(ish, relatively speaking) married guy, I can say that you should just ask her. If she says nope, then you know and it's no more guessing game. Sounds like she'll say yes, though - then you get to hang out with a lovely Lady.
 
papadopolis1024 said:
Well man how did it go you said you were going to ask on tuseday right? Well its wednesday...
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My plan was that I would just start talking to her this week and ask her to come this weekend.

We sit next to each other in English class, so it's really easy for us to talk, but the teacher moved us to opposite corners of the room on Tuesday. I thought it would be awkward seeing her, but she talked to me for the first five minutes of class on Tuesday, but that's about the only chance I've gotten to talk to her. At lunch, we can just roam the 40 acres of campus wherever we please, whenever we please, so it's sometimes hard to find people during lunch, but I'm going to try and find her tomorrow. As for asking her out, I'm just going to take one thing at a time. It's not a good idea to plan these sorts of things because it clearly puts pressure on me and perhaps even sabotages my chance with her.
 
Just front up to her ask what see is doing on the week end and then see if she has time for you. It only has to be simple like having ice cream or a coffee with her.

Having a plan is the only way to succeed with anything. If you don't have a plan you will always chicken out. A rehearsal my also help (so you know exactly what you want to say).

I am chasing a girl at the moment who does not enjoy movies but loves having ice cream or coffee. I accommodate her with out compromising myself. After all at your age it is simply about enjoying each others company.
 
For &!^$'s sake just ASK HER OUT. Meet for coffee, meet for a hike, whatever. JUST DO IT. She'll appreciate the candor and the effort, and you'll be able to sleep at night. Win-win for all!
 
Well, I have a general idea of what I want the outcome to be, but I don't think I need to plan every little encounter with her...
 
iMacZealot said:
Well, I have a general idea of what I want the outcome to be, but I don't think I need to plan every little encounter with her...
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It's not about planning every little encounter out. It's about taking the steps necessary to plan one little encounter. It looks to me, and and judging by the responses, most other people, that you're making excuses to justify your continued inaction.
 
Iscariot said:
It's not about planning every little encounter out. It's about taking the steps necessary to plan one little encounter. It looks to me, and and judging by the responses, most other people, that you're making excuses to justify your continued inaction.
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Well, sure, I'm taking those steps, but one at a time, and not all timed and pressurised to be finished by Friday (or whenever.)

Oh, wait, there's a football game Friday. I'll see her there. I'll see what happens.
 
iMacZealot said:
Well, sure, I'm taking those steps, but one at a time, and not all timed and pressurised to be finished by Friday (or whenever.)

Oh, wait, there's a football game Friday. I'll see her there. I'll see what happens.
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Ask her if she wants to go to the football game with you. You already know she will be there so will you. So next time you see her ask if she would like to go to the football game with you. You could meet her there. :D Solves all your parental problems.
 
furious said:
Ask her if she wants to go to the football game with you. You already know she will be there so will you. So next time you see her ask if she would like to go to the football game with you. You could meet her there. :D Solves all your parental problems.
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Exactly--- that's what I mean.
 
Yeah, so I still haven't asked her to Caribou, but I won't let you down! I may go to this awesome concert with her next week. She's thinking about transfering to our archrival school, so we're all making a campaign called "Friends don't let friends transfer to (the school)!" and she seems rather tickled by it all.

Oh, I know, you're all probably loving this melodrama.
 
So, I think I'm just talking to myself on here, but that's okay.

So, there are two concerts coming up; one on Saturday night and one on Monday night. I knew she was going to the one on Saturday because she was wearing the shirt of that band. I asked her to the one on Monday, which is the one I'm more interested in seeing. I'd like to go to Saturday's, but it would be too difficult and I'm not into that band as much as I am in Monday's. She seemed interested in going Monday, but she said no. The only reasons of her answer I can postulate are that she either just couldn't do two concerts in one weekend (like myself) or just isn't into Monday's band as much as I am.

I'm fine. It wasn't like a rejection, more of just "sorry, but I can't."


She's been spending a lot of time with this other guy and speaks of him often. I have no idea if they are an item or if she is just being her regular, extraverted, pro-social, flirtatious self. I don't really know who he is except for that he's a track star and about three inches taller than me.
 
iMacZealot said:
So, I think I'm just talking to myself on here, but that's okay.

So, there are two concerts coming up; one on Saturday night and one on Monday night. I knew she was going to the one on Saturday because she was wearing the shirt of that band. I asked her to the one on Monday, which is the one I'm more interested in seeing. I'd like to go to Saturday's, but it would be too difficult and I'm not into that band as much as I am in Monday's. She seemed interested in going Monday, but she said no. The only reasons of her answer I can postulate are that she either just couldn't do two concerts in one weekend (like myself) or just isn't into Monday's band as much as I am.

I'm fine. It wasn't like a rejection, more of just "sorry, but I can't."


She's been spending a lot of time with this other guy and speaks of him often. I have no idea if they are an item or if she is just being her regular, extraverted, pro-social, flirtatious self. I don't really know who he is except for that he's a track star and about three inches taller than me.
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I wouldn't be surprised if that boat has now sailed on without you.

Your earlier and more or less continued inaction -- and worse, ambiguous action -- may very well have cost you your shot at getting with this girl. Add the two months you knew her before starting this thread to the time that's passed since you made it, and that's a long time to go without sending a single crystal clear signal that you were interested in dating her. Since you sit beside her for 2+ hours a day, and text(ed) her regularly, in her mind you had more than enough time to let it be known that you were interested at all. That's three months of near constant contact; if I were her, I would have assumed long ago that you weren't interested.

On a side note, the more ambiguously you ask for a 'date', the greater the chances she'll say no. Not only does it make you come off as lacking self-confidence, but it also makes you seem like you're interested in a friendly activity when they'd rather use that opportunity to go on a date. Like with Mr. Tall-Track-Star.

My friend, I am not trying to come down on you to make you feel bad, or to be mean or anything like that. I want to see you succeed, and I want to see a stream of digital "grats" and high-fives flowing your way.

What I saw through high school and even into college were a whole bunch of really great guys struggling with girls because they didn't take any initiative, and watched the girls they liked dating jerks because, hey, at least the jerks made an effort. If you want a date, you have to ask for it, you have to be upfront, and you've got to do it right. I have yet to see you make even one decisive action into making something actually happen.
 
Iscariot said:
I wouldn't be surprised if that boat has now sailed on without you.

Your earlier and more or less continued inaction -- and worse, ambiguous action -- may very well have cost you your shot at getting with this girl. Add the two months you knew her before starting this thread to the time that's passed since you made it, and that's a long time to go without sending a single crystal clear signal that you were interested in dating her. Since you sit beside her for 2+ hours a day, and text(ed) her regularly, in her mind you had more than enough time to let it be known that you were interested at all. That's three months of near constant contact; if I were her, I would have assumed long ago that you weren't interested.

On a side note, the more ambiguously you ask for a 'date', the greater the chances she'll say no. Not only does it make you come off as lacking self-confidence, but it also makes you seem like you're interested in a friendly activity when they'd rather use that opportunity to go on a date. Like with Mr. Tall-Track-Star.

My friend, I am not trying to come down on you to make you feel bad, or to be mean or anything like that. I want to see you succeed, and I want to see a stream of digital "grats" and high-fives flowing your way.

What I saw through high school and even into college were a whole bunch of really great guys struggling with girls because they didn't take any initiative, and watched the girls they liked dating jerks because, hey, at least the jerks made an effort. If you want a date, you have to ask for it, you have to be upfront, and you've got to do it right. I have yet to see you make even one decisive action into making something actually happen.
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Perfectly said. You have mapped out exactly what I have done in the past and continue to do in the present. One day I will learn.
 
Iscariot said:
I wouldn't be surprised if that boat has now sailed on without you.

Your earlier and more or less continued inaction -- and worse, ambiguous action -- may very well have cost you your shot at getting with this girl. Add the two months you knew her before starting this thread to the time that's passed since you made it, and that's a long time to go without sending a single crystal clear signal that you were interested in dating her. Since you sit beside her for 2+ hours a day, and text(ed) her regularly, in her mind you had more than enough time to let it be known that you were interested at all. That's three months of near constant contact; if I were her, I would have assumed long ago that you weren't interested.

On a side note, the more ambiguously you ask for a 'date', the greater the chances she'll say no. Not only does it make you come off as lacking self-confidence, but it also makes you seem like you're interested in a friendly activity when they'd rather use that opportunity to go on a date. Like with Mr. Tall-Track-Star.

My friend, I am not trying to come down on you to make you feel bad, or to be mean or anything like that. I want to see you succeed, and I want to see a stream of digital "grats" and high-fives flowing your way.

What I saw through high school and even into college were a whole bunch of really great guys struggling with girls because they didn't take any initiative, and watched the girls they liked dating jerks because, hey, at least the jerks made an effort. If you want a date, you have to ask for it, you have to be upfront, and you've got to do it right. I have yet to see you make even one decisive action into making something actually happen.
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I definitely agree with you; that I need to make my intentions clear, but what do you suggest that I do now?
 
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