Devestated

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Raist3001, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. Raist3001 macrumors 65816

    Raist3001

    Joined:
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    Right behind you
    #1
    My 11 year old daughter was suffering with flu like symptoms. The doctor said she tested negative for the flu but treated her as though she had it. 3 days later, my daughter needed to be rushed to the hospital where we learned that she had an infection that attacked her heart and kidneys. 8 hours later, on 02/18, I lost my 11 year old daughter. There are no words to describe my pain and agony. No comfort, no joy in life. Nights are the toughest. All I can do is sit and stare at a blank wall. I feel as though my heart will burst. My baby has gone where I can not follow. At times it’s unbearable to even live.
     
  2. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
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    Colorado
    #2
    Wow, I am so sorry to hear that. Prayers for you and your family.
     
  3. tobefirst macrumors 68040

    tobefirst

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    St. Louis, MO
  4. scmill macrumors regular

    scmill

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2018
    Location:
    Spartanburg SC
    #4
    I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.
     
  5. SDColorado Contributor

    SDColorado

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2011
    Location:
    Highlands Ranch, CO
    #5
    I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through right now.
    My condolences, I am so sorry for your loss ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)
     
  6. decafjava macrumors 68030

    decafjava

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Location:
    Geneva
    #6
    I am really sorry - I cannot imagine such a loss.
     
  7. StellarVixen macrumors 68000

    StellarVixen

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2018
    Location:
    Earth
    #7
    I keep writing and deleting what I wanted to say several time, because I do not know what to say at something like this.


    From the very bottom of my heart, I am sorry for your loss.
     
  8. Ifti macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2010
    Location:
    UK
    #8
    I also have an 11 year old daughter and cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
     
  9. ThatiPhoneKid macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2017
    #9
    All I can say is, I’m so sorry.
     
  10. pinokio macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2018
    #10
    So sorry for your loss.. our prayers go out to you and your family..
     
  11. Scepticalscribe, Feb 25, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2019

    Scepticalscribe Contributor

    Scepticalscribe

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2008
    Location:
    The Far Horizon
    #11
    I am so sorry for your loss and cannot begin to imagine the intensity of the pain and suffering you must be going through.

    I lost my own mum just before Christmas, and miss her terribly, but the tragic circumstances of your loss must add to the trauma and heartbreak.

    Try to be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself and allow yourself time and space to grieve and sorrow.
     
  12. willmtaylor macrumors G3

    willmtaylor

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Location:
    A Natural State
    #12
    As a father, I cannot fathom the pain and searing loss you’re going through right now. You have my deepest sympathies and most sincere prayers today.
     
  13. bigjnyc macrumors 603

    bigjnyc

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2008
    #13
    I cannot even begin to imagine the amount of pain you are feeling right now. I am deeply deeply sorry for your loss.
     
  14. Huntn macrumors P6

    Huntn

    Joined:
    May 5, 2008
    Location:
    The Misty Mountains
    #14
    Words cannot express, at this point it may sound like a cliche, but I am sorry for your loss. Hold on to your life, grieve, and eventually you will move forward.

    Not that I have ever faced it, but we have close friends who lost a child last year (different circumstances) and my impression is that it leaves a hole in your heart that can never be totally repaired, but eventually, it will scab over (time frame depends on the individual) and you will be able return to a state of relative normalcy and move forward in your life without feeling guilty about doing so.


    At some point in the future, if you ever care to talk about it, I am interested in what kind of infection was involved.
     
  15. Raist3001 thread starter macrumors 65816

    Raist3001

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2012
    Location:
    Right behind you
    #15
    Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. Right now I am trying to survive breath by breath. My daughter was-IS my everything. Everything I did she was a part of. Every where I go holds a memory of her. The roads I travel, the stores I visit, the car I drive. It’s unbearable.

    We don’t know what infection ravaged her tiny body. Unknown to us she had walking pneumonia. The doctors had told me that the pneumonia had caused the infection. The hospital wanted to do an autopsy but I did not want my child’s body defiled any further. All the bruises, and picks, and lines. Answers would not bring my baby back.
     
  16. yaxomoxay macrumors 68030

    yaxomoxay

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Location:
    Texas
    #16
    I am truly sorry for your loss.
    As a father of two (of which one is 12), there is nothing that I fear more than the loss of one of my kids, so I can't even begin to imagine your pain.

    The only thing I can think of is, don't forget that like many kids of pre-teen age what she likely desired more than anything else was a strong, happy family with smiling dad and smiling mom. Right now it's certainly impossible to think about being strong, let alone smiling; just don't forget what your strength and happiness most likely meant to her as it can help you and your wife (and siblings, if any) to find some healing path. And when you go back to those places that reminds you of her and now make you cry, try to remember her and not the pain that her tragic departure inevitably caused. I realize that it's much easier said than done, but I am sure that as a child that's what she would have liked.

    Again, I am truly sorry. I will pray for you and your wife.
     
  17. Huntn macrumors P6

    Huntn

    Joined:
    May 5, 2008
    Location:
    The Misty Mountains
    #17
    Thank you.

    This is probably the most profoundly negative experience of your life, and easy for me to say at this
    point, that life can involve huge amounts of suffering, as I think of the fellow employee who lost all three of his children in an auto accident (as I recall a drunk driver), and was able to move forward along with his wife, in their lives.

    It feels unbearable, but I feel you will bear it, and hopefully will eventually comes to terms with the uncertainty, the limits, and possibly the meaning of this existence in such a way that allows you to move forward with your lives in the face of such a devastating loss.
     
  18. rhett7660 macrumors G4

    rhett7660

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Location:
    Sunny, Southern California
    #18
    I have no words to say, nothing I can say will bring you any amount of solace in this time of unspeakable grief and sorrow.

    Both you and your wife are going through one of the toughest things a parent can go through right now. If there comes a time you feel you can't go on, you don't want to go on, please seek help.

    I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  19. Apple fanboy macrumors Penryn

    Apple fanboy

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Behind the Lens, UK
    #19
    So sorry to hear of your loss. My 14 year old was taken from us three years ago (in very different circumstances).
    We are still mourning her loss. I can totally understand when you say your daughter was your everything. Some days are harder than others. In the beginning they were all hard.
    Stay strong and draw close to those around you.
     
  20. Raist3001 thread starter macrumors 65816

    Raist3001

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2012
    Location:
    Right behind you
    #20
    I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should have to bury their child. Thank you for sharing that with me. May you one day find peace as well.
     
  21. BasicGreatGuy Contributor

    BasicGreatGuy

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2012
    Location:
    In the middle of several books.
    #21
    Just For Today For Bereaved Parents
    by Vicki Tushingham

    Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours
    and not expect to get over my child's death,
    but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.
    Just for today I will remember my child's life, not just her death,
    and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days
    and moments we shared.
    Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends
    who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
    They truly did not know how.
    Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
    for maybe if I smile a little,
    my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
    Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
    for they are hurting too,
    and perhaps we can help each other.
    Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
    for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
    I could of done to save my child from death,
    I would of done it.
    Just for today I will honor my child's memory

    by doing something with another child
    because I know that would make my own child proud.
    Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
    to another bereaved parent
    for I do know how they feel.
    Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
    I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
    and the only reason I hurt is because
    I had the privilege of loving so much
    Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
    I am fortunate to be who I am
    and have had my child for as long as I did.
    Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
    for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.
    Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
    my life did go on,
    and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.
     
  22. kazmac macrumors 604

    kazmac

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2010
    Location:
    On the silver scream
    #22
    So sorry to hear about your daughter. My condolences to you and your family.
     
  23. obeygiant macrumors 68040

    obeygiant

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    totally cool
  24. CE3 macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2014
    #24
    I mean this respectfully when I say that I'm perplexed by your position of not wanting an autopsy. I'm very sorry for your loss and I'm not trying to be rude, but you are posting this on a public forum. Answers will not bring her back, but I can't imagine not wanting an autopsy if it could potentially lead to figuring out what caused such a sudden and unexpected death.
     
  25. Raist3001 thread starter macrumors 65816

    Raist3001

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2012
    Location:
    Right behind you
    #25
    That was beautiful. So very beautiful. Thank you for this.
     

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