Devestated

[Not-Sure]

The same thing happened to me with my fiancé back in 2004. We were exchange students in 1992, I was from Venezuela and she was from Germany, we ended up in Arkansas, we were so weird to each other but she grew up in me. After the year I had to go back home and she as well, it was horrible. No internet back then, just postcards. I remember being back to my house in Venezuela and waking up next morning after arriving and feeling everything was a dream and I lost her. I got depressed for 3 years at least. In 2003 I got an email from her (now we had internet) and we started to chat in MSN. Wow! I had her in the back of my mind but never believed to know about her again.

She wrote me: I have never been able to hook up with anybody else because I always had you in the back of my mind. She went to visit me in Venezuela, she never sent a picture. I was at the airport and someone touched my shoulder, when I turned around I was like WHAT? The most gorgeous girl ever!!!!! She was now 28!. I was shocked! We spent 3 weeks together and were amazing!

We decided to move together to Germany. I had to do a few things in New York for a few months first. She went back, I moved to NY. That was in January 2004. In April she was sick and she went to the hospital, her brother told me she was bad. I took a plane right away, my first time in Europe, arrived to Hannover and to the hospital. She got the same thing. I was there holding her hand when she gave her last breath. I am 44 and I still single. I had many girls but any of them last. I know where she is in Germany. I have been there twice. I will end there.

When someone like that leaves us is probably something we own to life, karma from another life. Do not take the person you love for granted, once they are gone they will never come back. The only pain you should be afraid of is the love you hold.

Sorry for your daughter.

 

[SRLMJ23]

My 11 year old daughter was suffering with flu like symptoms. The doctor said she tested negative for the flu but treated her as though she had it. 3 days later, my daughter needed to be rushed to the hospital where we learned that she had an infection that attacked her heart and kidneys. 8 hours later, on 02/18, I lost my 11 year old daughter. There are no words to describe my pain and agony. No comfort, no joy in life. Nights are the toughest. All I can do is sit and stare at a blank wall. I feel as though my heart will burst. My baby has gone where I can not follow. At times it’s unbearable to even live.

First off, let me just say how absolutely sorry I am that you have to go through this. So, so, sorry for your loss.

I am single and do not have any children, so I am not going to pretend that I can actually empathize with you, since I have never had and therefore never loved a child like you have. I hate when people say that they can feel how you are feeling, when they really cannot.

However, I am a doctor and have to deal with death occasionally. I am a psychiatrist so it is not like patients are dying on me everyday or so like oncologists etc. Most of my patients die from old age, however, I do have younger patients that die of overdoses, or cancer. It breaks my heart every time I lose a patient, I put 200% into my patients. I swear every time a patient of mine dies, it is like a small piece of me dies with them.

However, I will say as many people have already said that time will make things better but I will not lie to you...this is going to be really tough for a long while. If you ever need to talk privately (even though we do not know each other at all) just PM me and I will do my best to help you along this road to recovery. After all, I have patients that I see because they lost someone and do not know how to deal with the mental trauma of it all.

As far as no autopsy, I have to agree with CE3, and just like him I mean this with complete respect. Not only would it help figure out why your daughter passed away (which I know does not bring her back) BUT it could help save another life.

I will be praying for you and your family. Stay strong, and like I said, reach out if you need help.

 

[yaxomoxay]

First off, let me just say how absolutely sorry I am that you have to go through this. So, so, sorry for your loss.

I am single and do not have any children, so I am not going to pretend that I can actually empathize with you, since I have never had and therefore never loved a child like you have. I hate when people say that they can feel how you are feeling, when they really cannot.

However, I am a doctor and have to deal with death occasionally. I am a psychiatrist so it is not like patients are dying on me everyday or so like oncologists etc. Most of my patients die from old age, however, I do have younger patients that die of overdoses, or cancer. It breaks my heart every time I lose a patient, I put 200% into my patients. I swear every time a patient of mine dies, it is like a small piece of me dies with them.

However, I will say as many people have already said that time will make things better but I will not lie to you...this is going to be really tough for a long while. If you ever need to talk privately (even though we do not know each other at all) just PM me and I will do my best to help you along this road to recovery. After all, I have patients that I see because they lost someone and do not know how to deal with the mental trauma of it all.

As far as no autopsy, I have to agree with CE3, and just like him I mean this with complete respect. Not only would it help figure out why your daughter passed away (which I know does not bring her back) BUT it could help save another life.

I will be praying for you and your family. Stay strong, and like I said, reach out if you need help.

This post is very kind, and honest. I hope that the OP will take on the offer and message you privately. You're a good person, if we ever cross our paths a hearty lunch is on me.

 

[retta283]

So sorry to hear. I cannot imagine what it's like to lose a child. I agree with @yaxomoxay, just stay strong, your daughter would be proud.

 

[Raist3001]

Thank you all for taking a moment to post well wishes, and offer some hope and strength. I would always tell my daughter, Daddy can't live without you. I just never once imagined a moment where I would need to face that horrible reality. Nights are the toughest. I was there for her when she coded. I can't get the alarms, and commands and images out of my head. I play them over and over although I don't wish to. I would give anything to have her back.

 

[SRLMJ23]

This post is very kind, and honest. I hope that the OP will take on the offer and message you privately. You're a good person, if we ever cross our paths a hearty lunch is on me.

Well thank you kind sir, I sure do love visiting Texas, haha. I had a medical conference in Texas a few years back in Houston.

I do my job because I love it, AND because there is a massive issue with Psychiatry right now where most psychiatrists are older men (55+) and a lot are Indian (from India - nothing wrong with that) and they still practice the way they were taught when they were in medical school, which was just to put the patient on medications, follow up either every 3 months, or 6 months. When they come back for their followup the psychiatrist usually asks "how are you feeling?" If you answer anything like, "Well, my depression does not seem to be getting better." The psychiatrist would then more than likely up the dose of your original medication, or add another medication to your current medication, or change your original medication. This might work with some people, like "Rapid Cyclers" who their medicine works for a little bit and then because of a chemical imbalance, all of the sudden it just stops working. They can go through more than 10 different medications in a year!

Well, I am 33 and psychiatrists my age were taught better, since we have learned more about mental illness a lot since back in the 1960's. We have learned that there is a 85-90% success rate when you prescribe medication AND perform cognitive behavioral therapy (basically talk therapy.) I personally do not like to prescribe medicine unless I absolutely have to because SSRI's like Prozac, and SSNRI's, like Wellbutrin/Wellbutrin XL really do not seem to work that well, and they have some serious side effects the most dangerous being "Serotonin Syndrome," (which can kill you) "Tardive Dyskinesia," (which causes you to have abnormal, or impaired voluntary movement) and also common side effects like weight gain which can lead to medication induced-diabetes, unless with Wellbutrin XL you are trying to quit smoking, which it does help with quite well.

Anti-psychotics, like Seroquel, I really do not like to use AT ALL except in really tough cases of schizophrenia, bipolar I disorder w/ mania, bipolar disorder-acute depressive. It works well for those disorders, but I have seen older psychiatrists prescribe Seroquel to people who simply have insomnia, problem is they might get a good nights sleep, but they will not be able to function in the morning or afternoon. Makes zero sense, and my blood boil. If you have a patient with insomnia start with Ambien, Ambien CR, Lunesta, Rozerem, and Sonata. You know, the drugs that were made specifically for insomnia! NEVER let a psychiatrist give you an anti-depressant or anti-psychotic for sleep UNLESS you cannot take "sedative-hypnotics" which is what most all sleeping pills I listed are, except for Rozerem, which is pharmaceutical grade Melatonin.

I try and do cognitive behavioral therapy with all my patients before I add a medication because it is so much safer, and the results speak for themselves, and sometimes just doing cognitive behavioral therapy helps a patient...they just needed to talk and get everything off their chest. It is horrible for your mental state to keep things locked up and hidden inside you. Talk to a best friend that you trust, talk to your parents if it is appropriate, talk to a counselor or psychologist, or talk to a psychiatrist.

God bless you all.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Thank you all for taking a moment to post well wishes, and offer some hope and strength. I would always tell my daughter, Daddy can't live without you. I just never once imagined a moment where I would need to face that horrible reality. Nights are the toughest. I was there for her when she coded. I can't get the alarms, and commands and images out of my head. I play them over and over although I don't wish to. I would give anything to have her back.

I can relate to that. It does get a little easier but it never goes away.
Just remember the good stuff you did together.
Thinking of you at this difficult time.

 

[The-Real-Deal82]

Just stumbled across this thread and all I can say is I am so so sorry for your loss. You’re a poster I am very familiar with and I enjoy your posts but I hope you find the strength after such a devastating loss. Life just isn’t bloody fair and nobody should have to experience that. So sorry mate, I’m a father too and I can’t imagine what you’re feeling.

 

[Raist3001]

Yesterday made 1 whole month since I lost my daughter. I have never been without her other than work and school. Days seem to be getting worse. Everyone tells me that a day will come when I will find a ray of light in this darkness. I can't see that far ahead let alone the next few minutes.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Yesterday made 1 whole month since I lost my daughter. I have never been without her other than work and school. Days seem to be getting worse. Everyone tells me that a day will come when I will find a ray of light in this darkness. I can't see that far ahead let alone the next few minutes.

Everyone’s journey is different. But it won’t always hurt in the same way as it does today, but it will always hurt.
Just take each day as it comes. Look after yourself. Open up with those that are there to support you.

 

[smorrissey]

I'm sorry man.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Everyone’s journey is different. But it won’t always hurt in the same way as it does today, but it will always hurt.
Just take each day as it comes. Look after yourself. Open up with those that are there to support you.

Very sage and sound advice. Well said.

 

[eltoslightfoot]

I just saw this post. Raist, I am praying that you are able to find moments of peace and remember the good at least some of the time. I can't imagine going through what you are living each and every day. I will say this: Only you can truly know you and what you are going through. Also seek help if you need it. It really can help. If anything it gives you a total stranger (who is also an expert) to work through this horrible, horrible situation. I am thinking of you. I will hug my daughters a little tighter tonight.

 

[The-Real-Deal82]

Yesterday made 1 whole month since I lost my daughter. I have never been without her other than work and school. Days seem to be getting worse. Everyone tells me that a day will come when I will find a ray of light in this darkness. I can't see that far ahead let alone the next few minutes.

Please talk to someone close to you mate, it’s dreadful what you’re going through but I hope you are talking about it with those you love. I hope your wife is coping in her own way too. I have no idea who you are other than a familiar name on a screen, but am very touched by your honesty here and you’ve been in my thoughts for the past few days since reading your post. Try and keep you chin up and don’t be afraid to take up the offers of support from those around you.

 

[Raist3001]

Today makes 6 weeks without my daughter. It already feels like an eternity. The morning of February 18th, I entered my daughters room to kiss her good bye as I was leaving for work. She put her hand into mine and begged me not to leave her. I assured her I would be home early and I would call to check up on her. She said "OK Daddy". I kissed her and went to work. If only I had known that day would be my last with her. If only I had chosen to stay with her as she had asked. It would be the last time I would speak with my daughter. I can never forgive myself for not staying with her.

 

[retta283]

Just keep on pushing. Even though it might seem hard, you can survive this.

 

[yaxomoxay]

If only I had chosen to stay with her as she had asked. It
would be the last time I would speak with my daughter. I can never forgive myself for not staying with her.

You can't blame yourself for being the responsible father that you are, heading out to work in order to provide for your whole family.
And certainly, you can't blame yourself for not knowing the future. The truth is that we all die, including our children. And our children might die at any time for whatever reason (sickness, a drunk driver, a mistake, whatever) or they might die after us after a long life. Nobody knows, but that's not a reason to think that life should be put on hold.

 

[zachlegomaniac]

As a father I can't even begin to imagine the pain.

One of my older cousin's lost both of her parents (my aunt and uncle) within a short span when I was young (to brain cancer and a heart attack) and, later, her husband and a daughter. Those losses were very difficult for me to feel and bear witness to as a child and into my young adulthood, but nothing like hers (or yours). I only mention this story as it is the closest I can come to understanding where you might be right now.

This is such a small sentiment on my behalf and I wish I could offer more, but please know that, as of reading your post, you have altered the course of my day in a profoundly positive way (at a minimum), although it has stirred a deep sadness in me. I'm often bewildered by how we collectively decide to pass through life as a species while, in the back of our minds, we know that this experience is so fleeting and can be gone in an instant.

Please be kind to and gentle with yourself. Going to work that day on the 18th was to support your family and you did not make your choice to go out of negligence or selfishness. You went out of selflessness with a sense of duty to the wellbeing your family. You did nothing wrong. I wish I could take any sense of guilt away.

I offer my sincerest condolences for your loss. I know I am a stranger to you, but please don't hesitate to message me if you're ever in need of someone who will simply listen. I feel awful that is all I can offer to you. Please know that you are in my thoughts. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Today makes 6 weeks without my daughter. It already feels like an eternity. The morning of February 18th, I entered my daughters room to kiss her good bye as I was leaving for work. She put her hand into mine and begged me not to leave her. I assured her I would be home early and I would call to check up on her. She said "OK Daddy". I kissed her and went to work. If only I had known that day would be my last with her. If only I had chosen to stay with her as she had asked. It would be the last time I would speak with my daughter. I can never forgive myself for not staying with her.

I’m so sorry for you. She knew that you loved her. That you would have been there for her if you could.
Just try not to blame yourself.
The day my daughter left I didn’t even see her before I went to work.
I spoke to her and would have (probably) said something up the stairs as I left. If I knew how the rest of the day had in store I’d have never left.
But you can’t blame yourself or think what if or maybe’s.
All you can do is try to remember the good times.
You have nothing to forgive yourself for.
Take care.

 

[user_xyz]

My 11 year old daughter was suffering with flu like symptoms. The doctor said she tested negative for the flu but treated her as though she had it. 3 days later, my daughter needed to be rushed to the hospital where we learned that she had an infection that attacked her heart and kidneys. 8 hours later, on 02/18, I lost my 11 year old daughter. There are no words to describe my pain and agony. No comfort, no joy in life. Nights are the toughest. All I can do is sit and stare at a blank wall. I feel as though my heart will burst. My baby has gone where I can not follow. At times it’s unbearable to even live.

So Sorry.
Deepest Sympathies to you and your Family.

 

[The-Real-Deal82]

Today makes 6 weeks without my daughter. It already feels like an eternity. The morning of February 18th, I entered my daughters room to kiss her good bye as I was leaving for work. She put her hand into mine and begged me not to leave her. I assured her I would be home early and I would call to check up on her. She said "OK Daddy". I kissed her and went to work. If only I had known that day would be my last with her. If only I had chosen to stay with her as she had asked. It would be the last time I would speak with my daughter. I can never forgive myself for not staying with her.

You couldn’t possibly have known what was to come and your daughter knew how much you loved her. Life just isn’t bloody fair sometimes mate and this is going to hurt for a very long time. You can’t blame yourself though even if that’s easy for me to say. I can’t imagine what this all feels like and the sick feeling in my stomach I get reading such an awful thing must pale in comparison to how you feel. Try and stay strong, support your partner and celebrate the good times you had with your beautiful daughter. The pain will never go but time will make it easier to bare. Take care fellow Mac Rumours friend.

 

[dotzero123]

Please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go to you and your family. Stay strong and surround yourself with people who care.

 

[Raist3001]

Today makes 7 weeks without my sweet girl. My therapist tells me that my counting is not healthy. But I can't help but notice the time I no longer have with her. I pray I can reach a point where her memories will not bring me suffering, but joy. I appreciate and am grateful for all the responses offering kind words and encouragement. I don't expect anyone to continue to respond here. I have been using this outlet to vent.

 

[MacDonaldTrump]

I wish you well, condolences to you and your loved ones.

 

[Huntn]

Today makes 7 weeks without my sweet girl. My therapist tells me that my counting is not healthy. But I can't help but notice the time I no longer have with her. I pray I can reach a point where her memories will not bring me suffering, but joy. I appreciate and am grateful for all the responses offering kind words and encouragement. I don't expect anyone to continue to respond here. I have been using this outlet to vent.

I can’t judge, I’ve lost a parent as an adult which is not the same thing. However, I think at some point, you have to decide it’s time to cherish your memories, but move on and live your life. You have a life to live, and there are other people you love and/or who love you. It reminds me of this clip from Shawshank Redemption:

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