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Do you wait for a girl to call you back after leaving a message?

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StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
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Sep 21, 2009
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So there's this girl I'm trying to go on a date with, and we've never actually met.. I won't give any details, but I saw her while she was out with a friend of hers (who is a coworker of mine), and we exchanged smiles and glances and it definitely seemed like she was interested.

I asked her friend (my coworker) if she's single and if I could have her name and number, and she gave it to me and said that she is single, with a smiley face!

Yesterday I called and got voicemail, so I hung up and called again an hour and a half later, and finally I called a third time about two hours after that and left a message. I prefer not to leave voicemails which is why I hung up the first two times.

The voicemail was left yesterday early evening, and she hasn't called me back yet.

Is it okay to call again at some point?

I don't know what it's like being a girl but it seems to me like even though I left a message, the act of picking up the phone and calling a guy that you've never met, even if you were potentially interested, would be difficult for someone if they had some shyness or insecurities. Am I wrong?
 
Do not call again. Period. You should have left a voicemail the first time. You should have only made one call. Calling a second and third time may have been a deal breaker. It's a stupid game, I know, but that's how it is.
 
sdilley14 said:
Do not call again. Period. You should have left a voicemail the first time. You should have only made one call. Calling a second and third time may have been a deal breaker. It's a stupid game, I know, but that's how it is.
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Eh. I wouldn't care if he had been calling me.

IMO, mention to the mutual friend that you left a message (I'm sure she'll be wondering if you contacted her friend). Then she'll likely tell her friend you left a message and her friend will either check her messages/call you or tell her friend something which will invariably be relayed back to you.
 
SilentPanda said:
Eh. I wouldn't care if he had been calling me.

IMO, mention to the mutual friend that you left a message (I'm sure she'll be wondering if you contacted her friend). Then she'll likely tell her friend you left a message and her friend will either check her messages/call you or tell her friend something which will invariably be relayed back to you.
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Agreed. I think since you don't know this girl, and more importantly, she doesn't know you then you should use your co-worker as an intermediary to make the arrangements to meet for coffee or something like that.

Good luck, and keep us informed.;)
 
ucfgrad93 said:
I think since you don't know this girl, and more importantly, she doesn't know you then you should use your co-worker as an intermediary to make the arrangements to meet for coffee or something like that.
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Precisely what should have happened. I typically don't answer numbers I don't recognize and would be very disinclined to meet up with an apparent stranger who called me up out of the blue. I would imagine many people feel similarly.
 
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I think some girls find it creepy that you got their number through a friend. It's better if you got the number from her on your own. Then you definitely knows she's interested and probably wouldn't need to leave a voicemail. Every girl is different but that's just IMHO.
 
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From what you mention here, this conveys nothing more than some guy she's never met thinks she is attractive. It's weird to keep calling someone you don't even know or to be that concerned about it.
 
thedeejay said:
I think some girls find it creepy that you got their number through a friend. It's better if you got the number from her on your own. Then you definitely knows she's interested and probably wouldn't need to leave a voicemail. Every girl is different but that's just IMHO.
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I agree with this. Not to mention, not 1, but three calls.
I'm not sure if this is enough justification for that.

StephenCampbell said:
and we exchanged smiles and glances and it definitely seemed like she was interested.
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mobilehaathi said:
Precisely what should have happened. I typically don't answer numbers I don't recognize and would be very disinclined to meet up with an apparent stranger who called me up out of the blue. I would imagine many people feel similarly.
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Exactly.

thedeejay said:
I think some girls find it creepy that you got their number through a friend. It's better if you got the number from her on your own. Then you definitely knows she's interested and probably wouldn't need to leave a voicemail. Every girl is different but that's just IMHO.
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Not only that, I would be very unimpressed with the co-worker who gave out my phone number to someone unknown without clearing it with me beforehand, and would make that clear to her.

And yes, an unknown male, who doesn't leave voicemail until the third time he calls, calls three times in a few hours, and has evidently gone to some trouble to acquire her personal contact details, would make me rather uneasy. Needy is one thing, persistent another, and creepy something else again; while none are pleasant, all are very unwelcome.

thekev said:
From what you mention here, this conveys nothing more than some guy she's never met thinks she is attractive. It's weird to keep calling someone you don't even know or to be that concerned about it.
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Girls are socialised into being pleasant, positive, gracious and polite. Extrapolating from 'an exchanged smile and glance' a degree of interest is reading too much into a social signal most girls are taught to present to the world as a default setting from an early age.

To answer the question asked: Do not phone again. Discreetly let the co-worker that you have tried to make contact, and leave it at that.
 
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StephenCampbell said:
So there's this girl I'm trying to go on a date with, and we've never actually met.. I won't give any details, but I saw her while she was out with a friend of hers (who is a coworker of mine), and we exchanged smiles and glances and it definitely seemed like she was interested.

I asked her friend (my coworker) if she's single and if I could have her name and number, and she gave it to me and said that she is single, with a smiley face!

Yesterday I called and got voicemail, so I hung up and called again an hour and a half later, and finally I called a third time about two hours after that and left a message. I prefer not to leave voicemails which is why I hung up the first two times.

The voicemail was left yesterday early evening, and she hasn't called me back yet.

Is it okay to call again at some point?

I don't know what it's like being a girl but it seems to me like even though I left a message, the act of picking up the phone and calling a guy that you've never met, even if you were potentially interested, would be difficult for someone if they had some shyness or insecurities. Am I wrong?
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Why not approach her directly, most girls like the direct approach. All this tentative manoeuvring thru an intermediary comes off as wishy-washy. Not the impression you want to make!
 
macs4nw said:
Why not approach her directly, most girls like the direct approach. All this tentative manoeuvring thru an intermediary comes off as wishy-washy. Not the impression you want to make!
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I didn't know her name. How could I have approached her directly? I approached as directly as I could. Asked for her number from the person who I knew had it, and then called her.
 
You had to wait until you happened to be at the same place as she is and then ask for the number. What you've done is made the phone call 100% based on physical attraction AND called too many times.

Nothing that happened is attractive to the girl in question.
 
Do you wait for a girl to call you back after leaving a message?

I don't think you should have called 3 times, but I don't think you are dead in the water yet. It IS a game, and 99% of girls play it, especially attractive ones. If I were you, I would do as advised and mention to your coworker that you called and left a message, but I would also slyly imply to the coworker that you are no longer interested. The female coworker will enjoy letting the attractive no name girl know that you are no longer interested, and this in turn will give you the best chance of her being interested. As sad and messed up as it is, I promise you it's the truth.
 
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StephenCampbell said:
I didn't know her name. How could I have approached her directly? I approached as directly as I could. Asked for her number from the person who I knew had it, and then called her.
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Leaving your number is not necessary; she's not likely to call you back. Try calling her once or twice more, in a few days, at different times of the day. Any more than that, and you're going to seem desperate. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

If she liked you as much as you seem to like her, she would have confided in her friend, and would have found a way to 'accidentally run into you again'. Move on, and leave it to providence.
 
Statistics show that at any given time, 68% of men posting on an Internet forum are posting from their man cave in the basement of their parent's house. Just a thought before one asks for advice on girls on an Internet forum. :D
 
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rdowns said:
Statistics show that at any given time, 68% of men posting on an Internet forum are posting from their man cave in the basement of their parent's house. Just a thought before one asks for advice on girls on an Internet forum. :D
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I like that!

Don't overthink this whole thing anyway, keeps you sane.
Personally, I don't understand people not answering a number they don't know, but this thread shows they exist.
 
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StephenCampbell said:
Yesterday I called and got voicemail, so I hung up and called again an hour and a half later, and finally I called a third time about two hours after that and left a message. I prefer not to leave voicemails which is why I hung up the first two times.

The voicemail was left yesterday early evening, and she hasn't called me back yet.

Is it okay to call again at some point?
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No. It looks to me like you have your answer from her.

Just in case you're not seeing it, it's this: she isn't interested.
 
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StephenCampbell said:
....I asked her friend (my coworker) if she's single and if I could have her name and number, and she gave it to me and said that she is single, with a smiley face!....
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you left your message and haven't gotten a response........so ask your co-worker to ask her friend if she's interested in meeting you.......and then forget additional calls unless you get a positive response thru your coworker
 
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