Call her now!!! What are you waiting for?!?! The faster and more frequent you call her the better chance you have!!! Hurry up!!!
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Do you wait for a girl to call you back after leaving a message?
- Thread starter StephenCampbell
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Wow...called her again and left another message. This is reminding me of the dude on the movie "Waiting"..."Hey, it's just me again, I'm on break, thought you might have called, I left you a message before, not sure if you got it..."
Sorry, not trying to make fun of you. Let this be an annoying lesson and learn from it.
Sorry, not trying to make fun of you. Let this be an annoying lesson and learn from it.
I hadn't thought of that. Girls definitely receive different social training. I wouldn't bother informing the co-worker though. It seems the OP got some kind of response in the end, but what's the point of informing someone who knows someone? The OP could have spoken to the girl in person. I just can't see a situation where such an indirect approach would make the OP appear favorable to the other person.
Whatever you do, don't tell her about this forum.
https://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?p=18139877#post18139877
https://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?p=18139877#post18139877
She texted me.
I'm assuming the txt wasn't good based on what you said here? I'm going to say you've probably been looking pretty desperate in her eyes at this point but that's not always a bad thing, depends on the girl. Some of them like the attention but also like to play hard to get.
If you feel that you are sunk at this point then you really have nothing to lose. If I were in your position I would make some kind of romantic/flattering statement like, 'I know it's crazy but the smile you gave me that day struck a chord in my soul that has left its mark. And if just your smile can have that kind of effect on me, I'd be crazy not try my hardest to get to know the girl behind that smile.'
Again, you really have nothing to lose at this point.
Haha.. yeah, I would do something like that, except there's a good chance that the reason she's not interested is actually just because she's too busy right now. That's what she said very clearly in her text, and when I replied saying "how about just one date?" she said "I'm really just too busy," but repeatedly said she's very flattered and thanked me and what not.
So even if she's just using busy as an excuse, she's been very adamant about that, so in the event that that's true, it would be rude of me to continue pursuing in that manner, because she might feel like she actually wouldn't mind a date with me if she had the time, and me continuing to treat her as though she has the time but has chosen not to, could be rude.
Saying she is busy is just an excuse and a polite way for her to say that she isn't interested. If someone is interested in another person, they find time for them, no matter how busy they are. Unless she is out of the country, in another state for several months, or working seven 12 hour shifts a week, she could find time if she truly wanted to. Period. Leave her alone, stop embarassing yourself, save a little face and move on.
Yeah sorry to say it's pretty much what sdilley said. The "I'm too busy" excuse is a final nail in the coffin.
Rejection is a part of life! Theres a lot of pretty ladies out in the world. Pick yourself up and give it another go!
ALSOOOO
You have a 27" iMac so that should cheer you up. Those things are awesome.
Excellent post, which calls it as it is.
No, the final nail in the coffin was the person (the OP) who thought it legitimate to acquire the phone number of someone he had never met by surreptitious means, make a number of phone calls, (initially without leaving a voice mail) and then persist in the face of sustained polite disinterest. This is creepy and unsettling behaviour, and not remotely charming.
I would go so far as to say that the OP had no chance from the outset, and is deluding himself further (as he did by extrapolating from the initial 'shared glance and smile' that there was mutual interest) if he thinks the polite response is anything other than the expression of utter non-interest.
I posted earlier that girls are socialised into being polite, nice and considerate; they are also socialised into not being able to say 'no' bluntly, not least because they are told it is not particularly ladylike to do so, and also, for the very practical reason that some people do not take rejection well. Thus, the polite and thoughtful excuse offered "I'm too busy" also allows the rejected to save face by explaining that she indeed 'is too busy'. Some of the males who have posted suggesting that she 'is playing hard to get' are missing the point completely here. She is not remotely interested, and nowhere has she indicated in the slightest way anything other than polite distance, and utter disinterest, while the OP's conduct throughout has done absolutely nothing to advance his cause.
Of course, she is going to say that she is 'very flattered'. Girls are meant to say that male attention flatters them, and indeed, sometimes it does.
However, social conditioning means that she can hardly say what she possibly really thinks which may be something on the lines of "who is this creepy proto-stalker person, whom I've never met, who doesn't leave voicemail, who got my phone number sneakily and has been hassling me for days for a date, and who, if I am diligent enough to read threads posted online about his life elsewhere, reveals to me that he has just ditched his previous gf because she didn't inspire his passion, or that her family wasn't compatible with his.....and who fails to get the numerous hints (no replies, no responses apart from cool non-commital texts, and polite excuses saying that a busy life precludes the possibility of relationship)"........
I am in no delusions. What you're saying is most likely true.
It's just that my attitude is that if you're afraid of being shot down, why would you do it to yourself by not pursuing when you have nothing to lose?
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This made me laugh. This machine is really awesome, it's true.
The way you lump all women's behavior into some misinformed idea you have about social conditioning is, as you say, unsettling. You may very well be correct in this instance that Steve acted in bad form but I hope you don't apply this archaic view of women to all scenarios.
This is your major problem right here. If you're too afraid to talk to women directly, you'll never have much success in the cutthroat, ever bloody dating game.
Yeah, getting shot down sucks, but accept the fact it's going to happen to you at least once or twice in your life. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be. Maybe she has a boyfriend, or maybe she just got out of a relationship and doesn't feel like dating. Maybe she would've been interested, but your delivery was off because of your lack of practice. Maybe you're not her type, and she just doesn't like you in that way. There are a number of reasons why you could be rejected, and while it always sucks, it's something you'll get over after a week or two, provided you don't brood over it to the point it starts eating away at your self esteem.
You have pursued. She is not interested. She has made that plain, in a number of polite, but emphatic responses. Drop it, and leave her alone.
As for 'nothing to lose', there is nothing to be gained by persisting in the face of such a sustained lack of interest. Only, perhaps, decreasing respect from the co-worker who will undoubtedly be aware of some of what is happening. Only perhaps, an increasing reputation as an obsessional, needy, individual........
You completely misunderstood my post. Completely. Re-read it please.
Edit: I'll clarify, since there's a factor here that can't be understood just be re-reading what I wrote.
I couldn't have approached her directly in this scenario. I can't get into details, but I couldn't. I would have under normal circumstances.
And what I was saying is essentially that if I don't pursue, I'm shooting myself down.. so IF I was afraid of being shot down, that wouldn't make any sense as a course of action. I'm not afraid of being shot down though, it never hurts me in the slightest when a girl rejects me. It just tells me she's not the one for me.
Edit 2: I'm probably going to hear "you're hurting man, you're in denial" from a lot of you. Not true. Just not true. And I won't say it again.
This case is closed anyway, thanks for all the input!
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Yeah, I'm obviously coming into this thread a little late. I should've read through the entire thing before posting.
No, I don't; however, the view of some of the male posters on this thread that this was possibly a 'playing hard to get' scenario - and that therefore, more effort was all that was required - is - to me - a clear misreading of what actually happened. I understand that some of the male posters wished to show sympathy for the position of the OP, but I wished to point out that, from a female perspective, such matters can be viewed very very differently.
And obtaining someone's private phone number by such means is a clear red flag to me. Personally, I would roast the co-worker who gave out my phone number without clearing it with me first. Obsessional pursuit is not remotely attractive, and can turn creepy, and Steve seems to be extremely good at finding a positive interpretation where none was remotely intended.
And I will say, from a female perspective, that women are socialised into being polite; personally, I'd prefer it if they weren't, but they are. Perhaps (in the US) less so than formerly, but there is still a degree of social conditioning where women are discouraged from being able to say with winning degree of candour: 'I have no interest whatsoever in you and would not consider having a relationship with you under any circumstances.'
Do you wait for a girl to call you back after leaving a message?
Great posts by Sceptical.
If it was indeed cleared with her and the co-worker was given the ok, the response would be different. You wouldn't be getting the typical I'm busy answer.
Great posts by Sceptical.
If it was indeed cleared with her and the co-worker was given the ok, the response would be different. You wouldn't be getting the typical I'm busy answer.
That is a terrible way of looking at the world. You've basically painted this picture of women that is, quite frankly, pathetic and sexist. From your posts it would seem that you are a woman and it's kind of discouraging that you feel that way. I've known a lot of women over the years that, to this day, are some of the most direct and candid people I've ever come across. On the other hand I've know others that would fit your description. From my point of view, you seem to think all women fall into your description.
My point is everyone is different and it is impossible for us to give the OP any kind of useful advice knowing nothing about the women involved. I prefaced my advice to the OP by saying it depends on the girl because some do like to string boys along and play hard to get. For you to proclaim with any kind of certainty what this girl is thinking is just asinine.
She isn't saying this at all. She is saying there are real social forces that shape the way many women behave (same for men incidentally), and that this could be a potential explanation for the other woman's behavior. But not all women are like this. I thought that was pretty clear.
This is something I personally got over many years ago when I decided to own being truly nerdy
. When I read that, I see extreme naivety in that he looks for whether he thinks the girl would make a good wife rather than if the time spent with her is meaningful.
This is something I personally got over many years ago when I decided to own being truly nerdy
That's right! Because liking Battlestar Galactica doesn't mean you don't ever get laid! Nerds can be smooth too, folks!
Cuz if you can manage to slip some X-Files into your flirting and get away with it, you know you're good. I've taken a bra off with one hand while talking about season 1 episode 20 before. UNF!
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