Seriously though. I have a keyring thingy with an address on it (not mine, a security company's) and the idea/hope is that if someone finds the keys they'll just follow the instructions, which are to drop the keys in the nearest mailbox and the postal service will take it from there. I estimate the value of my keyring to the sum total of the things it provides access to, and while I'm not poor it certainly doesn't amount to the million/billion-dollar value of an iPhone prototype.
Is it really that much to ask that they put a simple, anonymous "if found, call this number" sticker on this billion-dollar thing, instead of leaving it blank? This phone doesn't exactly communicate that it wants to be found, it's more like some anti-homing device that wants to sever all ties with the world once lost. Short of a self-destruct mechanism like an exploding battery, it doesn't get more Mission Impossible than a remotely disabled device in a black unmarked camouflage shell.
I mean, if you have this super duper top secret thing which CAN be lost in the field, the first thing to do is to make sure that whoever finds it, comes DIRECTLY to you so that there are no middle hands and prying eyes along the way. How did Apple do in that department? Well let's see:
- The exterior is a fake black shell with no markings, stickers or any identifiers of any kind. It begs to be opened in order for one to get any kind of handle on it = FAIL, since they don't want anyone to see what's inside. Nothing peaks the curiosity more than an unmarked black box.
- Remotely disabled, impossible to check for the owner's details, address book, internal number etc. Yes, Hogan happened to see Powell's name before the phone was bricked, but that was just a fluke. Odds were that remote disabling may well put the phone out of commission long before anyone had a chance to switch it on. FAIL as far as possibilities to easily hook up with the owner first hand are concerned.
- Nobody in the outer ring of Apple employees who communicate with mere mortals in the outside world (operators, support techs etc) is/was privy to info about the existence of this phone, so they're not going to be of much help, and it's not like "connect me to Steve, I have something that might interest him" will yield any meaningful results. Heck, Apple didn't return Wired's calls (see article) even though they had info about the phone and its whereabouts. Furthermore, since this thing is supposed to be so secret that most Apple employees don't even know about it, it's kind of a FAIL if they all get to hear about it from some fool on the outside calling various numbers and describing the phone.
- Next stop: An Apple Store. FAIL, they'd be all over this thing they're not supposed to see or know about. They get lousy pay AND they're Apple fanatics, do you really want the phone with them?
- Next stop: The police. FAIL, as this option is yet another that will allow more outsiders (one or several) a glimpse of the device. While I'm generally trusting of law enforcement personnel, I still wouldn't want them to have my uber-secret phone in a drawer with fifty not-so-secret ones that people come and collect.
Note to Apple: If one of your employees is named Baldrick and says that he has a cunning plan, don't listen the next time like you did when you implemented routines for retrieving lost phones.
