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First Date

Applespider said:
I have to kinda disagree on this one. If she offers (and you're interested in carrying on), politely tell her that it's your treat this time.
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Yeah, and then tell her that she can pay next time if she wants. Then wink....like this --> ;)

Sexy.

Applespider said:
Unless she's had the same advice after which it might get very quiet. If so, I'd suggest never saying more than 5 sentences or answering 3 questions without giving a chance to turnabout ;)
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If she's a quiet girl, try to do a lot of the talking at first. Bring up a bunch of topics until one seems to catch her interest. If she's shy, she might just be looking for someone she's comfortable talking to, and then she'll open up (her feelings :eek: ).

If she doesn't open up and she just doesn't talk, then do a lot of the talking. Some girls like it like that.

If she enjoys talking, then make sure to listen, and wait for her to finish before cutting in and adding your 2 cents.

Oh, and if you're gonna tell her that you like her, then first tell her that you felt a bit nervous about this dinner (or whatever you're doing), and when she asks "Why?", you can tell her that it's because you like her and don't want to act like a total douchebag. Yeah, that's right --- say "douchebag."
 
7on said:
I don't know, I just think it should include something different than what we talk about at work. We talk about each other's day, antics of friends, etc. I already know that she loves chocolate, hates roses - but loves Freesias, favorite color is orange, she has intense patriotism (don't worry she's British), her dad works for Verizon, she likes painting and sewing, she has 2 bros and one sis, and most importantly she has my sense of humor - a humor ironically many people find annoying. I think I am a very good listener. I just want to say "I like you" to her and just get it out in the open. Maybe work it into something witty. People have all been saying just act yourself and you'll be fine - the problem is I don't know how I'm going to act on a date. I don't want this large mental barrier to keep me from getting closer to her. I know when I'm around her I am more myself than I am now, just because right now I'm in anxiety before the event. She's also in a Sorority if that helps. Oh well, if it's meant to be then it'll go along fine.
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So nice to hear about the first date jitters.

You have the right idea, "if it's meant to be then it'll go along fine". But man it sounds like you both have been dating all along without knowing it. And that is a good thing. And in some ways I see the need/desire to take it to the next level. Question is does she know as much about you as you do her?

The only other person I've told this to was my roommate, which was probably a bad decision. I think he and his gf of 4 years are having problems. Mainly because he mentioned "breaking up with her" while he was drunk, which is happening more and more often. If his drinking continues into next week I might try and get a counselor for him. Anyway, I think he's been telling people. Not thats it's a big problem or anything, I'd just rather it not get back to her that way. Kinda not romantic. At all.
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Yep, had friends and roommates like that. Took my excitement and used against me. But I don't think that will be much of an issue though.

It is nice to hear about your concern about his drinking, but nothing will change unless he wants to.

Anyway, she "dolled" herself up on Thurs and I think she was disappointed because I didn't throw a big deal and that's mainly because of that mental barrier I was talking about. I may just say something like, "I'm sure this is going to be a bit of a shock for you because I hid it so well, but I like you."
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I think your holding back at work on Thurs may have been a good idea. One, stuff like that unfortunately can be considered harassment. She might not complain, but any others that did could.

But more importantly it gives you an opening to acknowledge that you did notice, and felt that outside of work was the better place to tell her.

As to when you drop her off at the door at the end of the evening. I am not fond of a full lip lock. But taking both of her hands in to yours, and saying how great it was to spend time with her, lean in and give a gentle peck on the cheek. Pull back and look lovingly in to her eyes.
 
haha, yeah I wished I got a night date. She does things with her housemates at night. Hopefully I'll make her want to spend time with me at night rather than her friends but in due time. I did ask her out monday night and pretty much inferred that I would not be taking the place of her friends anytime soon. Took me till wednesday to get an idea. Even then it was a purely unplanned thing (I just happened to run into her outside of work when I asked her). Any case should I give her my cell # at the end if it goes well? I dunno if that cliché or if that's just for the woman or what. Facebook does spoil me but I still feel that just finding the info is not as good as giving or receiving it (I asked where she lived afterall when I asked her out and that could have easily been gotten on Facebook). Facebook is like myspace for colleges just so you know.

At any rate all this info has really been insightful. Not really a specific post, just picking and choosing what will work in my situation. Hell, I'm not even going to practice going to her house. I'm ****in bringing the Google map printouts of the directions with me. Yeah, I'm that raw. I'm going to also change a few other details I planned out. I think I get "being yourself" now. I'm just hoping the "romance" part will just come naturally. Or whatever distinguishes a friendship from a relationship.

BTW, this forum of all places has been 200% more insightful than a "relationship counseling" forum that I visit.

EDIT: oh don't worry about the talking. That's all we've been doing since like September and I only realized last friday that I liked her. Been talking with her for at least one hour a day on weekdays since school started up (last semester I put very few hours in). In other words, it's the other stuff I'm worried about because I've never had to do them before.
 
Thanks guys for the kind words --- i love dating and i've done a lot of it so i've picked up a lot of things over time ... and i LOVE helping guys that are looking for help (relationships are different i don't give advice on those) in the initial dating ... particularly the what's know as the awkward stages ie the first 5 dates is something that i've gotten VERY good at. If there is something anyone would like to know, discuss -- this is what I LOVE


7on said:
EDIT: oh don't worry about the talking. That's all we've been doing since like September and I only realized last friday that I liked her. Been talking with her for at least one hour a day on weekdays since school started up (last semester I put very few hours in). In other words, it's the other stuff I'm worried about because I've never had to do them before.
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This is sending off LOTS of warning bells for me ...

You've known this girl for over 3 months? you've talked to her frequently in those last 3 months? do you consider each other friends? have you been flirting with each other all this time?

believe it or not this is ACTUALLY going to work against you at first.

it is 10x harder to start a relationship with a friend then it is to with a complete stranger.

women have what's known as a friend box (or any other restrictive metaphor they invent) -- a male friend to a woman is defined as -- a guy who didn't make a move.

from what you've said about JUST realizing that you like her, it sounds like you didn't flirt with her early on so she may see you as a friend already.

the reason this is negative is because there is a difference between affection and attraction.

you feel affection to people close to you, you feel attraction to you people you want to have sex with.

i know you might be reading this and saying "but i want her to feel affection for me, i want more then sex"

remember ... women want sex ... most of them of them infact want it just as much as men ...

the reason it's not so prevelent is because of the double standard and they don't want to be known as sluts.

the basic goal -- the meaning of life if you will --- is the propogation of the species ... that's why we have relationships, essentially to have sex, have children and keep the species going.

note --- this is not the place to get into a discussion of the meaning of life -- if you want to discuss the mind/ body problem, or materialism or any religious belief in the meaning of life with me please PM me don't hijack this thread.

anyway -- i stay away from dating friends, and advise all do to the same because of the mind set that the girl is in already.

you are her friend and it will be difficult for her to see past this. If she doesn't feel sexually attracted to you, then the rest is doomed.

no i don't know your exact situation, and as i read over my post i know that it feels a little disjoint ... and i'll be happy to clarify anything just something to consider.

i'm not saying it's impossible ... but i am saying that there are 3 billion women in the world --- so focusing to much attention on one is ludicrous
 
Rule 1. Come back in here afterwards and tell us how it went.

Rule 2. Have no expectations.

Rule 3. Focus on her.

Rule 4. Be yourself, women can see straight through our lies.

Rule 5. No cheesy lines, they'll find your awkward stumbling more comfortable to listen to than some scripted bit of nonsense.

Rule 6. There is NO! rule six.

Rule 7. Have no expectations.
 
Chundles said:
Rule 1. Come back in here afterwards and tell us how it went.

Rule 2. Have no expectations.

Rule 3. Focus on her.

Rule 4. Be yourself, women can see straight through our lies.

Rule 5. No cheesy lines, they'll find your awkward stumbling more comfortable to listen to than some scripted bit of nonsense.

Rule 6. There is NO! rule six.

Rule 7. Have no expectations.
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On rule 1 -- don't be sleezy

On rule 2 --- WRONG -- expect to have fun ... and do things that will be fun for you

on rule 3 --- WRONG --- focus on having fun, don't ignore her, but if you focus on her to much you'll come of as needy

on rule 4 --- ya i'll agree ... unless you suck ... then being yourself doesn't work (but you use a mac, you obviously don't suck)

on rule 5 -- you can say anything you want as long as you say it confidently ... if you make it scripted it won't be confident.

on rule 6 --- this doesn't make sense

on rule 7 -- know what YOU want --- expect to have fun ... if you are not having fun ... cut the date short --- no sense in wasting your night
 
revenuee said:
believe it or not this is ACTUALLY going to work against you at first.

it is 10x harder to start a relationship with a friend then it is to with a complete stranger.

women have what's known as a friend box (or any other restrictive metaphor they invent) -- a male friend to a woman is defined as -- a guy who didn't make a move.
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The Friend Zone.... dun dun DUN!!


*starts the eerie Twilight Zone music*

It's like a Black Hole.
 
revenuee said:
On rule 1 -- don't be sleezy

On rule 2 --- WRONG -- expect to have fun ... and do things that will be fun for you

on rule 3 --- WRONG --- focus on having fun, don't ignore her, but if you focus on her to much you'll come of as needy

on rule 4 --- ya i'll agree ... unless you suck ... then being yourself doesn't work (but you use a mac, you obviously don't suck)

on rule 5 -- you can say anything you want as long as you say it confidently ... if you make it scripted it won't be confident.

on rule 6 --- this doesn't make sense

on rule 7 -- know what YOU want --- expect to have fun ... if you are not having fun ... cut the date short --- no sense in wasting your night
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Actually Rule 6 makes a lot of sense if you know where it's coming from.

Thanks for making fun of my rules though sensei.

I like to use a monofilament line and live bait when I go fishing. Today I've used a bottom-bouncing technique that can tempt fish such as the coral trout when fishing around undersea coral towers. Lets see how I go.




If you expect to have fun and she clams up and turns out to be totally different in a date scenario then you will be disappointed. If you hope to have fun but expect nothing and she goes all funny at least you can cut it short and go have some drinks with your mates.
 
Chundles said:
Actually Rule 6 makes a lot of sense if you know where it's coming from.

Thanks for making fun of my rules though sensei.



If you expect to have fun and she clams up and turns out to be totally different in a date scenario then you will be disappointed. If you hope to have fun but expect nothing and she goes all funny at least you can cut it short and go have some drinks with your mates.
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i actually loved the THERE IS NO SIXTH RULE comment --- but i figured since i was cutting into the whole thing WHY STOP THERE ... LOL

people love to be around people that are having fun -- women and men -- unless she's incredibly dull she will follow and she will have ---

what i'm trying to get through is that if you go there because YOU want to go out and have fun ... the rest just falls into place

to many guys expect the girl to make the night great.

i know we live in a world of equality ... but women love a man that will take the lead ... if you are the leader it means she doesn't have to and it means she can blossom into the women she wants to be ... and she'll love you for it.

Abstract -- the truth is ALWAYS hilarious
 
Cfg5 said:
^^^^^

what he said

just read that post, don't listen to anyone besides revenuee else unless you like failure.
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He's got it down pretty good, though I take issue with the drawn-out foreplay before the kiss. If you both had a good time and she's smiling, just lean in and go for it. Surprise her. I wouldn't waste time feeling her hair or talking about her perfume.
 
revenuee said:
... but women love a man that will take the lead ... if you are the leader it means she doesn't have to and it means she can blossom into the women she wants to be ... and she'll love you for it.
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Hahahaaaha. :D

Nice try, Freud.
 
The last first date I had we got in bed...and I immediately fell asleep :p. Ten years later, and we have the three most adorable children in the world. Advice is for job interviews, not life. If your parents raised you well, you are fully prepared. If things fall into place, then congratulations. If not, then it's for a reason.
 
Abstract said:
The Friend Zone.... dun dun DUN!!


*starts the eerie Twilight Zone music*

It's like a Black Hole.
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Yeah, that's something I don't worry about. Partially because I don't believe in the friend's zone. Maybe she's had a crush on me the whole time? She is a pretty shy girl and my roommate has known her longer than me and he always wondered how I managed to get her to talk. So as far as I know, I'm like the only male she has long conversations with. Not necessarily deep (arguing about who was cuter as a baby was kind of weird - but of course I was).

I like MrSmith's post so far. Because that was the thoughts I was drawing anyway.

Another thing, it is 2:33am and I just woke up, so I thought I'd check the forum and she was online (AIM) so I made my status un-away and she went away in less than a minute. AIM can be kinda fun. ;P Regardless if it was coincidental or not.
 
pseudobrit said:
He's got it down pretty good, though I take issue with the drawn-out foreplay before the kiss. If you both had a good time and she's smiling, just lean in and go for it. Surprise her. I wouldn't waste time feeling her hair or talking about her perfume.
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it sounds drawn out ... but it only takes seconds ... in fact i think reading and writing it took longer.

however ... it serves several purposes ...

1. builds anticipation, it's the push pull effect ... the more you wait for something the more you want it

2. if you're new at it and are unsure, it takes a little pressure off because it only requires small steps and you can see clearly what's going on.

3. she's wearing that perfume for a reason.

4. the neck and shoulders are one of those eroginous zones that most guys don't know about ... if you know ... you communicate that you are a man that knows what he's doing.

as far as the blossom remark, freud? nah ... i prefer Don Juan ;)
cheesy? you may think so ... but i've never had anyone complain.
 
Funny how it's all the guys who think Revenuee's advice is great. If a guy played hard to get, I would think he's an arrogant tit and would lose interest immediately.

When it's the right person to be going out with, you'll just click together, and you don't need to play silly schoolboy games to get them.

7on, it sounds like you two get on great. You sound like good friends. This is great. It's a good basis to build a relationship on. Don't suddenly change anything and play games, she'll think you're being an arse. Be yourself, and you'll continue to get on great. This is a million times more important than being 'cool'.

Good luck.
 
Lau said:
Funny how it's all the guys who think Revenuee's advice is great. If a guy played hard to get, I would think he's an arrogant tit and would lose interest immediately.
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The natural impulse for a guy is to obsess and fawn, which is an unnatural extension of his personality.

We're not telling him to play games, we're trying to make sure he stays true to himself.
 
One of the biggest mistakes i have ever made in my dating life is listening to women on women.

women are often attracted to the complete opposite of what they say

my favorite line out of a women is ... "You're such a great guy, any girl will be lucky to have you .. .blah, blah, blah"

i've heard this countless of times told to my friends, hell, i've heard this before.

but until i changed my attitude i never got the kind of attention i wanted ... .i had TON'S of female friends but i was sleeping with non of them.

the reason the guys agree with me is because lots of them are looking back to the dating history and it's starting to click, they are seeing the whole picture now ... I KNOW I DID WHEN I STARTED TO MAKE THIS CHANGE.

i'm not pulling anything out of my arse here ... this is tried and tested, i've made lots of mistakes and have adjusted to find the things that work. --- you're not getting anything that doesn't work

you call me arrogant? why? because i'm self confident and know my self worth?

i'm helping him prevent being ***** wipped ...

it will loose your friends and eventually the girl <-- unless she's a bitch and wants nothing more then to use you.

NEVER LISTEN TO WOMEN ON WOMEN
as much as i love women, they give bad advice in this area.

the only thing that women are good at advice when it comes to dating is what cologne to wear, and what kinda cloths, shoes, ask them what turns them on, what they look for in a man .... BUT NEVER ASK HOW TO GET THE GIRL.

don't be a nice guy ... be a nice MAN, treat her with respect, but expect nothing less from her ... if you feel like you are being taken for a ride .... you are ... feeling used? you are.

dating is a game ... if you don't believe it then you are living in a delusional world

and the game is fun. LOTS OF FUN ...but it's a women's game ... i'm just giving you the rules ;)
 
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