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First Date

revenuee said:
dating is a game ... if you don't believe it then you are living in a delusional world

and the game is fun. LOTS OF FUN ...but it's a women's game ... i'm just giving you the rules ;)
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Yeah, I don't really like the game but if I want to win I will have to follow the rules. 1 hour to go. I just gotta clean out the vehicle and I'll be set.
 
7on said:
Yeah, I don't really like the game but if I want to win I will have to follow the rules. 1 hour to go. I just gotta clean out the vehicle and I'll be set.
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trust me ... the only reason you don't like is because you haven't had a chance to play it.

1 Hour to go?

remember ...

1. smile
2. shoulders back
3. lead, don't follow
4. be playful, enjoy yourself
5. bring a condom ;)
6. avoid the movies --- you want a place where you can talk
7. enjoy yourself, don't be needy

cheers ... have fun

i gotta basketball game to shoot
 
revenuee said:
One of the biggest mistakes i have ever made in my dating life is listening to women on women.

women are often attracted to the complete opposite of what they say
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Not true in my case. I like guys who I can be friends with too. It's worked for my 4 1/2 year and still going strong relationship. <shrugs>

What happens when you stop playing games? She sees the real you. And then what? She likes it? Great, but why not do that from the start? If she doesn't like the real you, what was the point of leading you both on from the start?

I agree that you don't want to be a gibbering idiot on the first date, but don't be something you aren't. If you are likely to be nervous, playing games isn't going to help. Relax, enjoy it, and be yourself, or at least be someone you feel comfortable being.
 
Lau said:
Not true in my case. I like guys who I can be friends with too. It's worked for my 4 1/2 year and still going strong relationship. <shrugs>

What happens when you stop playing games? She sees the real you. And then what? She likes it? Great, but why not do that from the start? If she doesn't like the real you, what was the point of leading you both on from the start?

I agree that you don't want to be a gibbering idiot on the first date, but don't be something you aren't. If you are likely to be nervous, playing games isn't going to help. Relax, enjoy it, and be yourself, or at least be someone you feel comfortable being.
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who said anything about not being the real me?

this is who i am ... i don't think about these things when i do them ... they happen naturally ... ALL THE WAY THROUGH

i just know how to break it down because i've been asked so many times.

how did i become this ... i asked my friends who were good with women ... watched how they interacted. and what did i learn ... they're are NO SECRET MIND TRICKS, THERE ARE NO SECRET TECHNIQUES, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU ARE NOT AFRAID TO BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE not who you pretend to think you are.

playing the game doesn't change who you are ... it just helps maintain personal control

helps you weed out the ********, people don't walk all over you all the time ... if it's his first date, i'm saving him the hassle that most people go through until they learn how it works.

to many guys put to much pressure on themselves ... they think that the girl is the end all be all, they act as if women were some rear and precious commodity and that if they screw up once, or the girl isn't interested then that they will never meet anyone else.

are women to be respected? - yes
are good women hard to find? - yes - i found that only 1 in 10 is actually worth long term -- but that doesn't mean you can't have some fun with the other 9

the problem with being yourself is that most guys are not actually being themselves ... they are afraid of being a man and afraid of what they want.


i have never lied about intentions ... i've told girls that i have no interest in them beyond the physical because i'm to busy with my life and my goals.

and i've only had one of two responces
1. they appreciate the honesty but say they want more, so we just move on with our lives without wasting each others time.

2. the others appreciate the honesty and like that a guy isn't afraid to tell them who he is.

the game stops being a game when you finally realize who you really are.

i play the game because i know when a girl is playing it with me.

if she doesn't like who i am, i don't change -- i just am ... they deal with it ... or they walk away. the only time they walk away is when they are imparessed that i called them on it and wasn't shaken at all.

that's what makes dating fun
 
That was the most casual thing ever. There was a lot of pauses... and a lot of repeating of things we've already talked about. That was my main concern but oh well. I had fun, but it was obviously waning. She eventually said she needed to take a nap sometime today so I took that as a hint and took her home.

I guess it was ok. We laughed a lot. I'm gonna ask her out again next week and make it something fun. In the end it wasn't much different than work. Not that it was a bad thing, but I don't know. sigh
 
muffinman said:
yes wonderful post.

I always wondered, how does it feel like getting kissed by someone who has glasses?? it would be strange,...right?/:confused:
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I wouldn't know.


And all of a sudden I feel like crying. For no reason too. Logically I shouldn't cry because I'm still in the same place as I was yesterday emotionally. Perhaps I want to cry because of the lack or emotion? I just don't know. I either want to cry or go beat something up. I'm in conflict.
 
7on said:
And all of a sudden I feel like crying. For no reason too. Logically I shouldn't cry because I'm still in the same place as I was yesterday emotionally. Perhaps I want to cry because of the lack or emotion? I just don't know. I either want to cry or go beat something up. I'm in conflict.
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Your body is trying to release all of the tension and nervous anticipation you've built up the last few days...go ahead and cry...you'll feel better.
 
OK people, I need some advice please. Here is what's up: my friend Katya got dumped by her BF on Friday, and she has already let it go. Now we are best friends, and we are the first to know everything about each other. We went to the Garden State Plaza grand opening for the Apple store today, and I just recently realized that I like her, so how do I approach this? Do I tell her now? What to do?
 
iRachel said:
Your body is trying to release all of the tension and nervous anticipation you've built up the last few days...go ahead and cry...you'll feel better.
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Oh, come on!

Internet forums give us the opportunity to discuss matters anonymously; matters that we would be loathe to discuss face-to face with a living person. Nothing wrong with that at all. But before you publicly urge a grown man to cry, ask yourself this: how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband cried every time he was emotionally upset? You may like the idea of the 'modern, sensitive man' and all that, but you'd be pretty unusual if you could respect a man whose eyes you had to dry.
 
MrSmith said:
Oh, come on!

Internet forums give us the opportunity to discuss matters anonymously; matters that we would be loathe to discuss face-to face with a living person. Nothing wrong with that at all. But before you publicly urge a grown man to cry, ask yourself this: how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband cried every time he was emotionally upset? You may like the idea of the 'modern, sensitive man' and all that, but you'd be pretty unusual if you could respect a man whose eyes you had to dry.
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I think you have to find the distinction between crying softly alone as an emotional release (works wonders if you've never done it before), and crying on someone's shoulder.

You should probably not go cry on someone's shoulder, but if you feel the need to cry about something, anything, on your own, go ahead. Really, it feels terrible to try not to cry. Crying is way of expressing strong emotion that has become taboo in our society, with both good and bad results.
 
MrSmith said:
Oh, come on!

Internet forums give us the opportunity to discuss matters anonymously; matters that we would be loathe to discuss face-to face with a living person. Nothing wrong with that at all. But before you publicly urge a grown man to cry, ask yourself this: how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband cried every time he was emotionally upset? You may like the idea of the 'modern, sensitive man' and all that, but you'd be pretty unusual if you could respect a man whose eyes you had to dry.
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Crying does seem a bit ridiculous. If I was 21 I could go to a bar and get into a fight. That would at least take my mind off things. haha...

sigh.

OutThere said:
I think you have to find the distinction between crying softly alone as an emotional release (works wonders if you've never done it before), and crying on someone's shoulder.

You should probably not go cry on someone's shoulder, but if you feel the need to cry about something, anything, on your own, go ahead. Really, it feels terrible to try not to cry. Crying is way of expressing strong emotion that has become taboo in our society, with both good and bad results.
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Yeah I guess. She told me she wasn't a crier. So I dunno... I may as I go to sleep. Right now I'm playing Scrabble with the guys.
 
Say, would monday be alright for a 1.5 date? It's not too close or anything? It would just be some get together with some of my other friends at my place to play some Mario Party (before you ask, yes she'd like it). I'd prolly schedule it after an AIGA meeting we have. You guys' thoughts?
 
revenuee said:
trust me ... the only reason you don't like is because you haven't had a chance to play it.

1 Hour to go?

remember ...

1. smile
2. shoulders back
3. lead, don't follow
4. be playful, enjoy yourself
5. bring a condom ;)
6. avoid the movies --- you want a place where you can talk
7. enjoy yourself, don't be needy

cheers ... have fun

i gotta basketball game to shoot
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Heheh... Sounds like we have a fellow DYD disciple here ;). (those that know what I'm talking about already live by it :p)
 
7on said:
Say, would monday be alright for a 1.5 date? It's not too close or anything? It would just be some get together with some of my other friends at my place to play some Mario Party (before you ask, yes she'd like it). I'd prolly schedule it after an AIGA meeting we have. You guys' thoughts?
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Yep to soon, don't call her and only talk to her in a social setting. It seems that the first date wasn't all that hot. Flirt with her a little more and play the game. Also, flirt with other chicks around you to make her a little bit jealous. Since she didn't want to go on a "night" date with you means she is not that interested in you that way, but the day date means she wants to just kind of see what your like, you know kind of test the waters, she took you out on a test drive to see how you handled.

Be the player, cause the player never gets played.
 
get rich quick? nah

i just know who i am and what i want.

i've just taken what i've learned professionally and moved it into my personal life

CoMpX said:
OK people, I need some advice please. Here is what's up: my friend Katya got dumped by her BF on Friday, and she has already let it go. Now we are best friends, and we are the first to know everything about each other. We went to the Garden State Plaza grand opening for the Apple store today, and I just recently realized that I like her, so how do I approach this? Do I tell her now? What to do?
Click to expand...

you don't tell her, DATING FRIENDS IS BAD -- some people will tell you need to get it out in the open maybe she feels the same ... blah blah blah ... all the ******** ... don't do it ... plain and simple
 
7on: yeah, sounds like the date didn't go so hot. What I'd do is start looking for other girls to date as a backup in case the 2nd date doesn't come through but don't beat yourself up regardless. This is a learning experience for you regardless of whether it works out or not.

As for how your first date went, the awkward silence thing is a pretty big downer. Comfort is the most basic thing that women like to feel when they're on a date. If you can add attraction to that, and you're able to make the move and kiss her without taking too long (by the second date at least), you can be rounding home plate within the week or less.

What I did with my current girlfriend was be completely unpredictable. We went grocery shopping and I got her cook for me at her place for the first date. I teased her the whole way and made her carry the grocery bags to the car by herself while laughing and she loved it. After dinner, I went in for the kiss but she seemed really uncomfortable about it which was really odd considering how well the date went (but I later found out why). For the second date, we went rock climbing (it has been scientifically proven that activities that increase heart rate also increase attraction) but I decided to be unpredictably crazy so the moment she opened the door, I grabbed her, pushed her up against the door, and kissed her but then acted like nothing happened (this had a HUGE effect later on that night but she had no idea what was going on, which was the plan). We went rockclimbing and had a walk along the river afterwards where we found a bench and SHE initiated the making out. When I finally drove her back to her place, she asked me up and I found out then why she was so hesitant to kiss me on the first date--she was a virgin, which totally shocked me because she was very hot and had 6 relationships before me. Somehow, I managed to do what the other 6 guys weren't able to do within 2 dates :D.

The next morning, I asked her why she decided to go all the way with me so soon and she mentioned 2 things:
1) My playful teasing and total comfort when I'm around her made her comfortable and feel like she's known me forever
2) That unpredictable kiss at the beginning of the second date shocked her and made her think about sleeping with me for the entire date.

Moral of the story?
Have fun and do whatever you feel like (as long as it's legal in your state)! You're not there to impress anybody and don't fret about the outcome regardless.
 
muffinman said:
I always wondered, how does it feel like getting kissed by someone who has glasses?? it would be strange,...right?/:confused:
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When I first starting going out with my girlfriend she didn't wear glasses and now she does and it's not really any different.
 
So I'm a little late to the party... always start with the basics though. ;)

Doors.

Pull... she goes first.
Push... you go first.

You'd be suprised how many people f**k that one up. ;) heh.
 
iGav said:
So I'm a little late to the party... always start with the basics though. ;)

Doors.

Pull... she goes first.
Push... you go first.

You'd be suprised how many people f**k that one up. ;) heh.
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Definitely messed up there, esp. pulling instead of pushing :rolleyes:
 
7on said:
Definitely messed up there, esp. pulling instead of pushing :rolleyes:
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watch an old bing crosby flick and learn from a pro.. haha.. high society comes to mind.
 
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