Funny stuff to say to phone salespeople.

[ErikCLDR]

I always used to say "I'm on the no call list"

until one day when a telemarketer responded

"how's that working out for you" and then hung up.

 

[iPhil]

Ask for the home phone # of the telemarketer ...


If they do give it then use it on them.. by calling them @ home, do a reverse marketing on them ..Let them feel the pain ..

 

[iMacZealot]

I don't really get telemarketer calls anymore after signing up for the Do-Not-Call list, but I get a lot of nonprofit people hounding me to do surveys, like Nielsens. I either wipe my shirt on the receiver to simulate static and hang up, silently click the phone off, or I'll screw around with them and tell them I have a roast in the oven, tell them in a thick Yorkshire accent that I'm late for a flight, speak another language, or something on this list I found a few years ago.

 

[juanster]

I do similar. I tell them that they are breaking the law (probably not true) at an individual level and I want their (not their managers) name and contact details as I want to sue them. The last woman sounded like she was about to cry as she apologised and hung up

And yes it is cruel. Yes they are only doing a job. But they called me when I've explicitly said I don't want to be called so they deserve all they get.

Edit to add: another funny trick is to say that you'll go and get whoever they ask for and keep them hanging. Come back every 5 minutes and see if they are still there and if they are say he/she's just coming. Wastes their time nicely

except they would probably love that one, most telemarketers get paid by the hour so if a customer keeps them on the phone for a very long time they still get paid for it, and they cannot get trouble for not hanging up on the "customer" so really ypu are helping them lol.. i worked a a telemarketer for a week (worst job ever, but not becaus eof what people said, but becaus eof how boring it is to stay in front of a comp and a phoone for hours and hours0 what people say on the phone the "mean" things is what keeps them going everyday, people always think they are being smart and making the perosn feel bad, when in reality most telemarketer are used to it and it make stheir day when you say funny stuff... at elats that's how it was for me for that week i was there...and the guys a worked with

 

[joeshell383]

Anyone got any funny things to say next time a marketing person rings me and tries to sell me stuff?

I have one to start - when they ring say you are busy and ask for there home number and when they say no just say "you dont like being disterbed at home do you? Will neither do I!" and hang up

As someone who worked with telemarketing for non-profits in the past, I will emphasize that it is very taxing work. I kindly ask that you simply answer the phone, hear them out, and then respectfully accept or decline. If you decline, just do it on the first ask, why waste your own time? Just to waste their time? If you accept, and you feel comfortable/want to give at the initial level, go ahead. However, they will always give you a better deal (which of course you always want with for-profit telemarketers) if you let them go through their ask levels. Just remember that you are talking to a real person, and a nice person on the other end can definitely make their day.

I will also say this: if you ask them to call back, simply ignore the call, or hang up on them before they say who they are, THEY WILL CALL BACK. At the very least, answer and let them know you are not interested, and if you don't want to be called back (ever), you must specify that as well. Also, if they are calling you, trust me, they are not violating DNC.

EDIT: If you're going to joke a little bit, I ask that you keep it brief, respectful, and appropriate.

 

[iBlue]

Hand the phone to a child, if you have one handy.

I've also said "hang on just a minute" and walked away indefinitely.

If they're the sorts that ask how you're doing, tell them - every mundane detail you can think of.

One place called trying to sell me a new phone service and I said I didn't have a phone. That was fun.

Speak out the words to a famous song but don't sing it: e.g., "What would you think if I sang out of tune? would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh I get by with a little help from my friends. Mmmm, I get high with a little help from my friends...." Bonus if you pause between those questions and wait for an answer before going on and they realize what you're getting at.

Mostly though I just hang up.

 

[creator2456]

Hand the phone to a child, if you have one handy.

I've also said "hang on just a minute" and walked away indefinitely.

If they're the sorts that ask how you're doing, tell them - every mundane detail you can think of.

One place called trying to sell me a new phone service and I said I didn't have a phone. That was fun.

snip

Mostly though I just hang up.

Wow...I have done all of these, multiple times. The most fun has to be a group of children on speakerphone. That or playing with internet soundboards.

 

[richard.mac]

Hand the phone to a child, if you have one handy.

I've also said "hang on just a minute" and walked away indefinitely.

If they're the sorts that ask how you're doing, tell them - every mundane detail you can think of.

One place called trying to sell me a new phone service and I said I didn't have a phone. That was fun.

Speak out the words to a famous song but don't sing it: e.g., "What would you think if I sang out of tune? would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh I get by with a little help from my friends. Mmmm, I get by with a little help from my friends...." Bonus if you pause between those questions and wait for an answer before going on and they realize what you're getting at.

Mostly though I just hang up.

haha thats pretty funny! another good one would be if a cell phone company rang up and you say youve got no cell phone but then say "sorry gotta go!, my cell phones ringing!".

but i made a little correction for you . i think that was actually why Bob Dylan thought the Beatles smoked pot when he first met them in America becuase he thought "I get by" in With A Little Help From My Friends and I Wanna Hold Your Hand was "I get high".

anyways, ive never said anything funny to a phone salesperson before as i usually just say "no thanks…" and hang up. but my Dad whos self employed got a call a while ago at his office and he said the boss 'was sick' and they then asked when he would be be returning and he answered "never… hes dying" haha!

 

[Saikou]

You guys are jerks...

 

[annk]

As someone who worked with telemarketing for non-profits in the past, I will emphasize that it is very taxing work. I kindly ask that you simply answer the phone, hear them out, and then respectfully accept or decline. If you decline, just do it on the first ask, why waste your own time? Just to waste their time? If you accept, and you feel comfortable/want to give at the initial level, go ahead. However, they will always give you a better deal (which of course you always want with for-profit telemarketers) if you let them go through their ask levels. Just remember that you are talking to a real person, and a nice person on the other end can definitely make their day.

I will also say this: if you ask them to call back, simply ignore the call, or hang up on them before they say who they are, THEY WILL CALL BACK. At the very least, answer and let them know you are not interested, and if you don't want to be called back (ever), you must specify that as well. Also, if they are calling you, trust me, they are not violating DNC.

EDIT: If you're going to joke a little bit, I ask that you keep it brief, respectful, and appropriate.

Although I'm someone who absolutely HATES being called up by these people, I have to agree with everything this person wrote.

I'm also on a no-call list, and I've found a polite and very effective way to make sure that that particular company never calls me again - I interrupt him/her, and say "Excuse me, but one of your colleagues just called me, I think I must be on your list twice by mistake". The person always apologises profusely and assures me that s/he will take me off his/her list. Works a charm, they never call back.

And definitely DO NOT airhorn anyone, as someone posted earlier. You can destroy someone's hearing in 1 second that way. They're just doing a job, they do not deserve to live with tinnitus the rest of their lives.

 

[yoyo5280]

I have a friend named after his dad, Robert.
Whenever tellmarketers called and asked for Mister Robert then they would put my friend on the phone. (This happened ages ago)

"Hi!!! This is Robert!!!"
"Um...I would like to speak with Mister Robert ******"
"Ya, YOU ARE!!!"
"Kid! How old are you!?"
"why should I tell you!?"
"PLEASE LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER!"
"Then why did you ask for me?"
Hang up.


Also speaking in a foreign language to them, and trying to have a long conversation is great fun.

Poor guys though, ONly trying to put dinner on the table.

 

[dukebound85]

Anyone got any funny things to say next time a marketing person rings me and tries to sell me stuff?

I have one to start - when they ring say you are busy and ask for there home number and when they say no just say "you dont like being disterbed at home do you? Will neither do I!" and hang up

good God man, at least give Seinfeld the credit for that one lol. I know a Seinfeld reference when i see it lol

 

[0098386]

You guys are jerks...

Spot the telemarketer

My folks are at work today so hopefully we'll get a nice phonecall or 2. Gonna try that talking/singing one iBlue

 

[alecgold]

Most of the marketeers try to sell something based on price: CHEAPER.
Well, I've got plenty of money, so I don't need it, I've got the money, but just don't know how to spend it. flabbergasted, totally!

What also works is when they try to get an interview/lots of questions is that I interrupt them and ask for the company name, let them spell it out, ask for their name, address, let them spell the street name etc. Then I'll tell them I've got an hourly fee of over 450/h and that the remainder of this conversation will be charged for. Minimum charge is 1 hour.

Bot of them give funny reactions.

 

[djellison]

I kindly ask that you simply answer the phone, hear them out, and then respectfully accept or decline. If you decline, just do it on the first ask, why waste your own time?

No. You've answered the problem yourself 'why waste your own time'.

My time is MINE to waste, not some bastard company ILLEGALLY cold calling me. They have NO right to waste MY life.

They ask. I say no. They ask again. I say no. They ask again. I say no. These people have invaded my life. Whatever it was I was doing, from cleaning the house, to watching TV, taking a shower - whatever - these people interrupted my life to attempt to sell me something I don't want, never have wanted nor ever will want/

It's a fundamentally unacceptable situation. For people who work on outgiong unsolicited cold-calling...let me ask you this. Would you send spam for a living? Because what you're doing is WORSE than that. If you are unable or unwilling to find another job, then I'm you deserve whatever comes your way. You're a soldier in the army of hard-sell- you are GOING to get shot at by the other side. The MOMENT someone says 'no' - that's it - you say thank you, good bye, and hang up. If you ask again, then you're wasting my time, your time and invaiding my life. THAT is the first move - THAT's being rude. If your script tells you to keep pushing, you tell your boss the script is unacceptable and suggest a re-write to make calls quicker, more effective, and less invasive.

My other half, about 10 years ago when she was a student, did cold calling for a week, went to her boss and said that it was horrible, unacceptable and she wanted out. They moved her to an incoming customer services dept instead, because they thought she was good - so she was speaking to people who actually wanted to speak to her - not invading the lives of others, totally uninvited.

Cold calling is vile, rude, offensive, on my number it's illegal - and if you try it on me, you're going to have to put up with whatever crap comes the other way - because if you barge your way into my life uninvited, then you've asked for it.

 

[joeshell383]

No. You've answered the problem yourself 'why waste your own time'.

My time is MINE to waste, not some bastard company ILLEGALLY cold calling me. They have NO right to waste MY life.

They ask. I say no. They ask again. I say no. They ask again. I say no. These people have invaded my life. Whatever it was I was doing, from cleaning the house, to watching TV, taking a shower - whatever - these people interrupted my life to attempt to sell me something I don't want, never have wanted nor ever will want/

It's a fundamentally unacceptable situation. For people who work on outgiong unsolicited cold-calling...let me ask you this. Would you send spam for a living? Because what you're doing is WORSE than that. If you are unable or unwilling to find another job, then I'm you deserve whatever comes your way. You're a soldier in the army of hard-sell- you are GOING to get shot at by the other side. The MOMENT someone says 'no' - that's it - you say thank you, good bye, and hang up. If you ask again, then you're wasting my time, your time and invaiding my life. THAT is the first move - THAT's being rude. If your script tells you to keep pushing, you tell your boss the script is unacceptable and suggest a re-write to make calls quicker, more effective, and less invasive.

My other half, about 10 years ago when she was a student, did cold calling for a week, went to her boss and said that it was horrible, unacceptable and she wanted out. They moved her to an incoming customer services dept instead, because they thought she was good - so she was speaking to people who actually wanted to speak to her - not invading the lives of others, totally uninvited.

Cold calling is vile, rude, offensive, on my number it's illegal - and if you try it on me, you're going to have to put up with whatever crap comes the other way - because if you barge your way into my life uninvited, then you've asked for it.

1) I ask that you reread my post, keeping in mind the difference between for-profit and not-for-profit telemarketing.

2) Overall, more than 70% of sales happen AFTER the 3rd ask (i.e. on the 4th ask). The script techniques are in place because they WORK. Obviously, not everybody is going to buy/contribute, and the percentage of people likely to decline is certainly factored into the telemarketing revenue targets, but there are enough people who accept (with the techniques) to justify the operations and techniques.

3) Again, if you are being called, there is a VERY, VERY, HIGH chance that they are IN compliance with DNC regulations.

Just because they are calling you doesn't make it a battle. You can be polite and get on your way in the same amount of time as making someone else's job miserable.

 

[Flenz]

Henry Rollins knows what to do
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO-iXfF2qPE
Flenz

 

[robbieduncan]

1) I ask that you reread my post, keeping in mind the difference between for-profit and not-for-profit telemarketing.

2) Overall, more than 70% of sales happen AFTER the 3rd ask (i.e. on the 4th ask). The script techniques are in place because they WORK. Obviously, not everybody is going to buy/contribute, and the percentage of people likely to decline is certainly factored into the telemarketing revenue targets, but there are enough people who accept (with the techniques) to justify the operations and techniques.

3) Again, if you are being called, there is a VERY, VERY, HIGH chance that they are IN compliance with DNC regulations.

Just because they are calling you doesn't make it a battle. You can be polite and get on your way in the same amount of time as making someone else's job miserable.

1) Not to me there isn't: neither is acceptable.

2) So you are admitting that by badgering and harrassing the telemarketer can con the person into buying something the didn't want?

3) US law so I don't know.

 

[Lunja]

I'm going to sit on the fence on this one - I agree that being rude to the telemarketer isn't fair. Why should someone who is just doing their job be made miserable by my actions? But then I also disagree that they have a right to effectively enter my home to sell me a product that 99% of the time I have absolutely no interest in, or even knowledge of.

So instead of Air Horns or faking a shoot out at your apartment, just calmly, politely ask them for a product that they don't sell.

You'll LOL from hearing their instant suprise that someone has shown an interest in their service, and then wonder in amazement as they spend up to half an hour desperatly searching for your product only to find it doesn't exist.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

for me they last long enough to start there sales pitch and I just go *click*


I figure out it just was not worth it to screw with them. I just hang up on them. Ends all debate and send a message very clear, I am not going to talk to them.

 

[nlivo]

the craziest thing I have done was....

Telemarketer: Hello sir, are you interested in looking at how you can improve your current phone plan?
Me: Why yes I am?
T: Oh, that's great. May I ask how much you are paying per month on your telephone bill?
M: um, I think its about $500 a month.
T: oh, wow. Well I can save you quite a bit then. How does $99 a month sound with free calls from 8-8 and get your first 3 months free?
M: That does sound good but I'm thinking more of about $50 a month.
T: Ooooooh, well let me just get my supervisor and I'll put him on.
I then hang up and get a call almost straight away
M: Hello?
T: Hello sir. Why did you hang up?
M: No, no, no. The phone was cut off. It does that all the time. I'm hoping you'd be able to fix that.
T: well ofcourse sir. And I talked to my supervisor and said we can get it down to $79 a month. How does that sound?
M: hmmm, I'm lookin for more around $50 a month.
T: alright sir, how does this sound? $49 a month. That's the best I can do.
M: eeeeer, I'm sort of looking for about $50 a month.
silence
T: Why are you messing with me? This is my first day on the job.
M: Whats your name?

They hung up straight away.

 

[blackfox]

I prefer the classic Calvin & Hobbes gambit of picking up the phone and ordering a pizza with multiple toppings, saying thankyou and hanging up.

 

[PowerFullMac]

I prefer the classic Calvin & Hobbes gambit of picking up the phone and ordering a pizza with multiple toppings, saying thankyou and hanging up.

Ha I love that one!

 

[r1ch4rd]

I hate being sold to, whether it is on the phone, in a shop, on the street, whatever. I know what I want to buy, I don't need you to try and sell me anything. I never take flyers or stop to talk and I always just hang up on telemarketers.

The worst are the computerised ones. They can't tell the difference between me picking up the phone and getting my answering machine. My machine is constantly filled up by these other machines whilst I am at work! Grrr!

 

[MattG]

*Click*

Also this guy is always good:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=210636961&id=210636906&s=143441
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=210636911&id=210636906&s=143441

You may have heard him before on Stern or Crank Yankers.