Sidebar Sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

Funny stuff to say to phone salespeople.

Much Ado said:
Sometimes I take a gamble an answer the phone with:

"Oh, hi there, I'm calling from Double Glazing World, are you the homeowner?"

Really confuses them.
Click to expand...

I guess it is only fair that you get to sell them something before listening to their sales pitch.

Get on all the telemarketing phone lists, and sell by waiting for them to call you.

Nothing that says you cannot telemarket fiercely to people calling you.

Plus, think of all the chances you will have to win a prize if you do get on all the telemarketing lists that are behind those contests.
 
Once before the DNC list made things somewhat better, i got a call from some long distance company trying to sell me a long distance calling plan.

I said, "That really wouldn't help me because I never, never, never talk on the phone."

The guy responded, "You're talking on the phone now."

I yelled, "Oh, my God! YOU'RE RIGHT!" and hung up.
 
We get called almost every day by these people from Cops for Kids. Here's one conversation:

CFK:Hello, is ****(my dad) there?
Me: Uh, no.
CFK: Oh, well, uh, do you know when he's going to get back?
Me: No.
CFK: No idea?
Me: Nope.
CFK: Well how about tomorrow?
Me: Actually, I have no idea then either.
CFK: You have no idea when your dad is getting home?
Me: Nope, not a one. He works really weird hours and we never know when he's gonna get home.(Of course, he works very constant and normal hours, but no need for them to know that)
CFK: Oh. *hangs up*
Me: Dick. :mad:
 
Personally i have a few that I use. I know its not very nice to mess with them, but I just can't help it.

I live in Aus BTW.

TM: Hi, I'm (insert name) from (insert company), I was just calling to notify you that you have been selected as a recipient of a free (apparently great deal).
Me: Oh great! go on..
TM: Well today we have on offer blah blah blah
Me: wow! I never knew I could get that here. I never seem to be able to find such great deals like this here in Indonesia.
TM: sorry sir? Indonesia..?
Me: ahh, yea, whats wrong with Indonesia?
TM: I was under the impression you were in Australia
Me: What gave you that idea? Thats a little stupid. Call a regular Indonesian man, on a regular Indonesian number and think that he's in Australia.
TM: Umm, are you sure sir?
Me: Well, Im pretty sure I know I where I live.
TM: ahh.. umm..
Me: Well anyway, do I get (insert offer) or not?
TM: Im not sure if that is possible (confused tone) AND/OR states their confusion


This goes on until they realise or when i get bored and hang up.


The other is that if any company calls up for someone tha has used our number (ie my uncle lol) for unpaid/late paying of bills.

Person on the phone will ask for (insert name) and i respond with saying that it is I.
Caller: Well sir, we have that you are overdue in your (insert payment).
Me: Listen, every month i put all my bills i can affod to pay in to a hat, and pick out a few to pay. If you people keep harassing me your bill wont even go into the F*#kin hat.
 
Have a porno blasting in the background and say you're a little busy right now, and ask them to call back later... Although you would need to know it was a TM or else your mom will ask you what's that sound...:eek:
 
If I have the time, I listen to their offer, sound very enthusiastic. I never sound like I'm wasting their time, but of course I am. Right at the point where they try to finalize the transaction, I say:

"Wait, no. I never buy anything over the phone. Can you send some brochures?"

I refuse to proceed any further, unless I am able to call THEM back after I've had a chance to think about it. Never have they given me a number to reach them.

Or, if I'm in a rush:

"My mother just died today. Please leave us alone."
 
iBlue said:
One place called trying to sell me a new phone service and I said I didn't have a phone. That was fun.
Click to expand...

That could be a lot of fun. You could really mess with someone with that. Convince them that you are talking to them on a temporal communicator and ask them what year it is on their end. Act very worried about the potential for creating a paradox since the safeguards are obviously failing if they are calling from that far in the past. Ask for their name and if/when they tell you just say "Grandpa?..." (or Grandma if it's appropriate...) and tack on some random detail like "is this before or after you won the lottery?"

I've gotten to the point where I decline whatever it is they are asking for at the first chance I get followed immediately by a request to remove me from their call list.

The only time I really rip into them is when they call after we get the kids to bed since it's our brief period of peace and quiet and we can watch TV/movies that have higher than a G rating for an hour or two.
 
Some of you may remember a guy who became famous by tormenting telemarketers. He had pre-recorded things, like kids crying in the back ground, or cats hissing after getting booted, etc.

So, for example, when a animal humane solicitor called he played his cat recording and it sounded like he just kicked his cat (which he did not do in real life). Not politically correct but it was hilarious. They used to play his stuff on the radio.
 
I have to admit I'm clearly boring, I just tell them I'm on telephone preference service (the equivalent to DNC in the UK) and hang up.
 
gnasher729 said:
The best story I read was published on the Internet one or two years ago. They guy pretended to be an FBI agent investigating a homicide, so he was obviously very interested in finding out why the person calling was trying to call a murder victim. That kind of agent would ask very unnerving questions, and you wouldn't dare hanging up on him. Obviously the whole conversation was recorded and posted. Maybe some reader remembers it and can dig out a link.
Click to expand...

My dad found it, and showed me... I'm not sure, but it was featured on a radio station. that's all I can help you with.
 
The worst is when the police call soliciting donations. I'd like to say "No, you got enough of my money when you pulled me over last week" but they probably know where I live :eek:
 
lifeinhd said:
The worst is when the police call soliciting donations. I'd like to say "No, you got enough of my money when you pulled me over last week" but they probably know where I live :eek:
Click to expand...
As far as I know, those are always scam calls, not the real police or fire department calling.
 
Hi I'm a flying monkey elephant from planet Neptune. If you would like to be my best friend, send me a carton of tomatoes, not too ripe though, I get diareah
 
i tell the caller I'm in the middle of something, ask them to hold a moment, then I play a sound file of an domestic argument with a beating.
 
I don't get these phone calls. But I make phone calls. I like to ask walmarts and things if they sell 3% milk. You would be surprised how many people need to look that up to find out.
 
When the tell me about the product, I interrupt them and ask them if they know about Jesus.

My favorite are the bill collectors who call me looking for Maria Sanchez. She must have had the phone number before me. I tell that Maria has a new accountant... Her name is Helen Waite. If they think that Maria owes them money, they can go to Helen Waite for it.
 
I love it when they ask to speak to someone else.

I tell them they can't talk right now, they've got my **** in their mouth.

Ruthless People

[NSFW]
 
Last edited:
We opt out of telephone marketing as much as possible. All calls to our landline get screened by the answer machine. If its someone we know, we pick up.
I don't give out my mobile number unless I have to, and if I do get an unknown caller I answer (because my kids school comes through that way), and if it is telesales tell them I'm not interested and ask them to remove me from their list.
 
They know they are pests, screw them. Could go the nut route - maybe a spy, 'I've been waiting for your call. The chihuahuas travel north in spring. Now go, go, for the children of Freedermia.' - but why bother? 'No thanks.' then end call.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back