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Hands-On With Apple's New (PRODUCT)RED iPhone 7
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Went to Apple Store to see for myself, nope, the red and white does not work. Get a jet black with product red leather case, much better
T: OK you guys time for The BoreAwards: our yearly Lamentation Championship.
E: Great. I have accomplished nothing in 10 years and today was my 10.000th contract I didn't sign. While I traveled Hollywood 8 years. Apple Music while bundled with billions of devices only attracted a meagre 20 million customers which is less than 0.5 promille.
T: That's incredible.
P: I made a new iPad which is just exactly the iPad air 1 back from 2013.
So we went 4 years back and customers are still buying !
T: What a turds. They ask to be neglected.
P: Sure. So it's completely lunatic but despite the 2300's young and talented designers that we have, we didn't have the imagination to bring some new design in 4 years. So we make everything exactly the same and then sometimes even relaunch an older model. So this latest iPad model just has exactly the same battery capacity exactly the same screen and even a processor we recycled from the iPhone SE. And it costs $329 instead of 369 but that's still crazy expensive for a machine that is four years old.
We broke Moore's Law by a factor -8. But let me stop talking because you better hurry to get an iPad air 2
A: I have more uniformly diverted our Stores from shops into screen and battery exchange outlets
I did it in such a uniform style that Tesco should be ashamed.
Truckloads of people come in and queues are longer than those in all UK Tesco outlets combined.
T: Just incredible. All those customers crying about freaking defunct batteries and broken screens
I cannot stand that so I won't be there !!
I: I overhyped the iPhone 7 to be completely new but it was a iPhone 6 redesign. Nothing was refurbished, except everything. Actually I wanted the new design to be 7 years old. But it was only 4. So we grabbed back to the former iPhone 5 design for the SE. Our designers were so overworked that the only new product we launched in 5 years, the AirPods, now exactly match the old Earbuds bundled by the zillions for decades with all the old iPhones.
Plus a dental floss box design stolen from Johnson Wax.
T: Incredible. But it was me who really rebranded severely old stuff together in the old formula of the BO(RED) versions that got refurbished itself.
Where we donate some of far too much money that we don't know how to spend or burn.
T: To conclude, I obsoleted a complete computer industry that was one of the best of its kind.
All: Well that is the biggest lamentary accomplishment we could imagine - just to kill off a whole industry
Kudos Tim, you win !
T: OK as I expected, because at the end it's me who is the most visionary CEO that money can buy.
All: wuhuh duh bhuh...
E: Great. I have accomplished nothing in 10 years and today was my 10.000th contract I didn't sign. While I traveled Hollywood 8 years. Apple Music while bundled with billions of devices only attracted a meagre 20 million customers which is less than 0.5 promille.
T: That's incredible.
P: I made a new iPad which is just exactly the iPad air 1 back from 2013.
So we went 4 years back and customers are still buying !
T: What a turds. They ask to be neglected.
P: Sure. So it's completely lunatic but despite the 2300's young and talented designers that we have, we didn't have the imagination to bring some new design in 4 years. So we make everything exactly the same and then sometimes even relaunch an older model. So this latest iPad model just has exactly the same battery capacity exactly the same screen and even a processor we recycled from the iPhone SE. And it costs $329 instead of 369 but that's still crazy expensive for a machine that is four years old.
We broke Moore's Law by a factor -8. But let me stop talking because you better hurry to get an iPad air 2
A: I have more uniformly diverted our Stores from shops into screen and battery exchange outlets
I did it in such a uniform style that Tesco should be ashamed.
Truckloads of people come in and queues are longer than those in all UK Tesco outlets combined.
T: Just incredible. All those customers crying about freaking defunct batteries and broken screens
I cannot stand that so I won't be there !!
I: I overhyped the iPhone 7 to be completely new but it was a iPhone 6 redesign. Nothing was refurbished, except everything. Actually I wanted the new design to be 7 years old. But it was only 4. So we grabbed back to the former iPhone 5 design for the SE. Our designers were so overworked that the only new product we launched in 5 years, the AirPods, now exactly match the old Earbuds bundled by the zillions for decades with all the old iPhones.
Plus a dental floss box design stolen from Johnson Wax.
T: Incredible. But it was me who really rebranded severely old stuff together in the old formula of the BO(RED) versions that got refurbished itself.
Where we donate some of far too much money that we don't know how to spend or burn.
T: To conclude, I obsoleted a complete computer industry that was one of the best of its kind.
All: Well that is the biggest lamentary accomplishment we could imagine - just to kill off a whole industry
Kudos Tim, you win !
T: OK as I expected, because at the end it's me who is the most visionary CEO that money can buy.
All: wuhuh duh bhuh...
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Amazing...a whole day has gone by and availability of the 128GB and 256Gb version are still available for pickup at every Apple Store within 200 miles of my zip code.
The first time that something new didn't sell out in hours!
The first time that something new didn't sell out in hours!
Funny..... lacking a good chunk of "incredibles" and "magicals" though, lol
Wouldn't it be fun to be a fly on the wall at some of those Cupertino executive board meetings?
With the recent "quality" of the Jet Black iPhone finish, maybe the purpose of a hands-on test with this model was to make sure the red paint wouldn't come off on the reviewer's hands when they picked it up.
It's red and white because Product Red has the red and white theme.
Yes, red and black is fancy too. But that's why it's red and white.
Not really.
Attachments
I think the headphones should have been made red. The charger and cable would be nice, but they're more utilitarian. For many people, the headphones are as much part of the phone as the iPhone itself. If you had red headphones, then even when your phone is in your pocket, people would still know you have a (product) Red device.
Did U2 iPod and product red coexist? Wasn't it rebranded as product red after the 5th generation?
For those that want the red phone, check out this Ebay listing. Will be a lot cheaper than the Apple Store. No sales tax.
So you're saying that the Galaxy S8 looks modern? I've looked at the expected design, and Samsung is out of touch with realism with their curved edges.
A small and highly rated $6 inline adapter. Hope you have funds available. Astonished you just bought a new MacBook Pro and didn't know it only has USB C ports.
They could have done the entire phone red with a white touch ID button. They really dropped the ball on this.
Tim Cook has impeccable timing. Roll out a red phone to get a few more sales out of people that buy devices solely based on color. There are more around like that then people might think.
Roll out a new color for the new phone in September and get them to buy that as well. I can't imagine why I would buy a new iPhone right now if I didn't absolutely need one.
