How to go from girl-friend to girlfriend ?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Hold, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. Hold macrumors regular

    May 19, 2010
    So I need some advice regarding my situation right now.
    A new girl was transferred to my department at work about six months ago.
    About one month after she arrived she we started flirting a bit on email at work. This went on for a while. After that she really started to look after me. On busy days I would usually skip lunch and stay on until really late if necessary. She would literally force me to take a break and join her (and a group of other friends) for lunch. Also she constantly made sure I didn't stay late to often.

    To be honest, at first I liked her, but just as a friend. However lately I have really fallen for her. She transferred out of my department a few days ago as she has finished her project.

    Over the last month or so we have been texting quite often (maybe 3 times a week). Since she left though it has become all day everyday. Most of the time she is the one to start the conversation and I always keep it going.

    We have been out together a few times but it's always with a group of friends from work. Never one on one.

    I know for sure that she likes me but I don't know if she likes me as a friend or a boyfriend.

    My problem is if a confess that I like her and things don't work out I will be really screwed. Most of our friends are common friends. Even tough I wouldn't need to face her, her best friends share an office with me and she tells them everything. I would feel really uncomfortable everyday and many of my other friendships could get damaged.

    I could not do anything now, and wait a little. In 4 months time I will also be transferred and then I wouldn't need to face embarrassment if things don't work as I hope.

    What do you think? Should I tell her now? Should I wait? Is it to soon to tell her considering we have never actually gone out just the two of us?
  2. iPaddy macrumors 6502

    Jan 17, 2009
    A life without regret isn't a life worth living.
    If she knocks you back (and from the sounds of it she won't), and her/your friends get weird, sod them.

    Do what makes you feel good and screw the consequences.
  3. xpcker macrumors regular

    Oct 25, 2010
    i'll keep it simple =)

    first, that thing that "if i tell her and she says no, maybe things will be screwed" doesn`t exist, thats a bad conception that someone invented. the thing is that we evolve pretty fast and, if things don't go as expected, thats the best reason to start over =) go and tell her, stop wasting time. in worst escenario, you'll still be alone. come on man, stay foolish stay hungry! ;)

    if she is not interested, all between you is gonna be fine, u'll keep talking and being friends, and in fact, in my experience, telling and being rejected, can in mid term make her fall for you. most of rejections are for being afraid or because she'll be interested in someone else, if u confess, she'll get pressure to get things done with the other or to make decisions, this in a mid term makes you a best player to be with.

    good luck my friend, go for it!
  4. ericrwalker macrumors 68030


    Oct 8, 2008
    Albany, NY
    When in doubt, get her drunk. :D

    Just kidding, what do she like to do? Just ask her out on a date, dinner, movie, hiking, skiing or whatever.
  5. steviem macrumors 68020


    May 26, 2006
    New York, Baby!
    WWBFD? (What Would Brett Favre Do)

    Sext her a picture of your wang. That is like sex-kryptonite for any girl...
  6. xpcker, Oct 20, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2011

    xpcker macrumors regular

    Oct 25, 2010
  7. MovieCutter macrumors 68040


    May 3, 2005
    Washington, DC
    Then throw 4 interceptions in a crucial game...
  8. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem


    Feb 19, 2005
  9. s2dio macrumors regular


    Oct 28, 2010
    Riga, Latvia
    I remember asking the same questions to friends and myself.

    I don't claim to be a super expert in life or psychology as I'm still quite young, but I believe there is no need to formalize things right away by saying "hey, I'm really into you, how about you? Will you be my girlfriend etc?".

    A lot of things go better naturally. And this is really the case. If you're texting this frequently and your communicating okay, invite her somewhere, so you could chat live, with emotions and more personal interaction. Then ask her again, or maybe she would suggest to go somewhere one evening. Let things evolve naturally and you'll both see if you want to be a bigger part of each of your lives.

    And do not even bare in mind what your co-workers might think or discuss. Everybody is human (including them), and life is full of different experiences for each individual person. So act cool, no matter what.

    Good luck!

    P.S. At first I understood your topic's title as "how to go from one girlfriend to another", as if you're having an affair at work and want to quit your previous relationship :)) As I read through your post, it turned out better than that (phew)
  10. Zombie Acorn macrumors 65816

    Zombie Acorn

    Feb 2, 2009
    Toronto, Ontario
  11. arkitect macrumors 603


    Sep 5, 2005
    Bath, United Kingdom
    Far too much texting these days instead of talking.
    How nuanced can you be with txtspk? ;)
  12. miniConvert macrumors 68040


    Mar 4, 2006
    Kent, UK - the 'Garden of England'.
    Just ask her if she wants to go out for dinner, you and her. Sounds like she'll say yes :)

    No need to get right in there with the emotions and telling her how much you like her. Just go, have fun, see what happens.

    Oh, and kiss her goodnight ;)

    P.S. Asking her by text is fiiine, if that's how you do most of your conversing anyway then it's entirely appropriate.
  13. Hold thread starter macrumors regular

    May 19, 2010
    jessica. - Yes she does have an iphone and we chatted loads about iOS 5 :p

    If I were to tell her, I don't want to pressure her. I don't like the idea of doing it over a text but at least she won't be put on the spot. Should I text her?

    I would prefer to do it face to face (as nerve wrecking as it may be) but then it might overwhelm her.

    What would be best?

    Or should I just hang out with her more one on one and let things develop as suggested ? The only problem is, it would be a bit confusing for me and most defiantly for here. Are we meant to be hanging out as friends or on a date?

    And I forgot to mention, we are both 21 if that matters.
  14. s2dio macrumors regular


    Oct 28, 2010
    Riga, Latvia
    Hang out more with each other, one on one and have fun. No one is there to set the boundary between friends and a couple, so act naturally. No need to rush things and set the formality that "I want to hang out like a couple", just act naturally, have fun and be happy about each other. In time, if all goes well, you will become closer and have interactions on a more personal level :)
  15. xpcker macrumors regular

    Oct 25, 2010
    for me, asking important things via text shows u are a moron =)

    ask her out via text no problem. but important things face to face :D

    maybe a change of strategy would be great, u are in a point you can make her think more of you.

    for example, text her "movie tonight 8 pm :D?" and if she says yes, show up with a flower (A flower, not flowers), u could start being polite without being compromised.

    i do really hope she doesnt check this forum xD

    gl :D!
  16. rdowns macrumors Penryn


    Jul 11, 2003
    Duh. Everyone knows texts are for breaking up. ;)
  17. Hold thread starter macrumors regular

    May 19, 2010
    I just feel it would be a bit strange to ask her out like that out of the blue. I mean we never went out just the two of us. How would I approach this? Asking her to dinner just the two of us would be like a date.

    If only I knew if she liked me to. I am really confused as to how she sees me. As a friend or maybe more than a friend.

    Another problem with just hanging out is that we may get stuck hanaging out as friends and that will be that.

    On the other hand if I say upfront that I like her it would be really weird.

    In so confused as to what to do next :-(
  18. James L macrumors 6502a

    Apr 14, 2004

    You are seriously over thinking this.






    Call her up and invite her to hang out. It doesn't matter what it is, a movie, go to a museum, a walk around the park, whatever.

    Be relaxed and natural. You said before that you've never hung out just the two of you. Do that. Let things happen. You don't have to profess your love. You don't have to bombard her with flowers.

    But, and I say this with all respect, you do need to man up and ask her to hang out.

    If there's something there when it's just the two of you hanging out you and her will sense it. Just don't make it awkward.... let it happen.

    To quote the first reply to this thread: "A life without regret isn't a life worth living."

    Do you want regret?
  19. xpcker macrumors regular

    Oct 25, 2010

    ur getting waaaay to complicated and overthinking.

    the thing is this, and read well.

    the only way ur gonna be together is either you or she takes the first step. if your not taking that step, forget her. stop thinking what happens if u get stuck or things like that, as much as u like her, a relationship takes two person and chemistry, take a faith leap, ask her out, thats the first step, stay as friends, if u feel everything went ok or at least "fine", ask her out again, if she agreeds ur waaaaay to good =) and then, just then, u can flirt heavily :D

    be stuborn, and persevere in life, all things are difficult,

    think less and act more thats the key
  20. iBlue macrumors Core


    Mar 17, 2005
    London, England
    Ask her casually what she thinks about just the two of you hanging out. Go see a movie, grab something to eat afterwards. Because of the movie it's unlikely you won't have something to talk about if you notice a drying up in conversation. Either way, don't make such a big deal out of it. See how it goes. If she is interested, great! If you get a vibe that she's not interested, just brush it off and remain friendly. Be like a little Fonzie! :cool:
  21. GFLPraxis macrumors 604


    Mar 17, 2004
    First part of your post is ok, but this line is really bad advice in general.
  22. Firestar macrumors 68020


    Sep 30, 2010
    221B Baker Street.
    She might feel this way about you too.
  23. mscriv macrumors 601


    Aug 14, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
    Did someone call me? Oh no, another MR user is in need of relational help.

    *puts "super expert in life and psychology" costume on*

    Hold take a breath man, slow down and relax a bit. Like many posters are saying, don't over think this. From everything you have posted it sounds like she is possibly interested in you and open to having more than a friendship. But, this is not 4th grade and you don't need a note that says, "do you like me? check YES or NO". Tell her you would love to take her out sometime and ask if she would like to go do something this weekend. Then plan a fun first date that encourages conversation and interaction. Take it slow on the date, focus on getting to know her better, and helping her get to know you as well. Have fun! If you both have a great time then a second date can be planned.

    The idea of bringing her a flower is a great suggestion and if things go well then maybe a goodnight kiss, but don't go overboard confessing your feelings and asking if she "likes" you too. The last thing a girl wants is for a guy to "emotionally throw up" on them. The point is to make her feel relaxed, appreciated, and desired. Don't make her uncomfortable by putting any kind of pressure on her.

    So, there you go, my work is done here. :cool: :D
  24. renewed macrumors 68040


    Mar 24, 2009
    Bemalte Blumen duften nicht.
    What I usually do is get a piece of paper, a legal sheet of printer paper cut in half should work nicely, and I write the following on it:


    Do you love me, do you wanna be my friend?
    And if you do
    Well then don't be afraid to take me by the hand
    If you want to
    I think this is how love goes, check yes or no:

    Yes []


    Has never failed me yet.
  25. bearbear macrumors regular

    Jun 28, 2008
    sounds like your in the friend zone and have a bad case of one-itis. Branch out and date others, and see how she reacts. That way you don't seem so desperate and you'll have options.

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