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How to go from girl-friend to girlfriend ?

H

Hold

macrumors regular
Original poster
May 19, 2010
111
0
jahala said:
Maybe some of my experiences will give you the courage you need to ask this girl out. There are a few that I want to share with you:

A. I had been friends with girl A for a couple years. We were both at the same party, dancing together when I told her either that I loved her or that I liked more than as a friend. I don't remember exactly what I said. She did not like me as much as I liked her, and was a bit overwhelmed. She excused herself, went to the bathroom with her best friend, girl B, and shared it all with her. Girl A and I saw each other all the time as a normal part of our separate lives. It was awkward for a while, but since we were always around each other, we just kept talking to each other and worked through it. We remained friends.

B. Girl B, girl A's friend, was also my good friend. A year or two after the girl A incident, I believed I was in love with girl B. This time I just asked her if she wanted to go out with me on the weekend. I can't remember exactly where we went, but I just kept it relaxed and we had a great time. We went out a couple more times and the romance just did not blossom like I originally thought, so we remained friends and started going on double dates with people we were more romantically interested in. We are still on good terms.

C. I had actually known Girl C for longer than either girl A or B. We met again at a party after a long time of not being around each other. In our conversation at the party, she offered me her phone number and address. I told her flat out in front of some friends that I had no intention of calling her or visiting her. I said I had no interest in dating her. I also told her that I liked her fine as friend and she could count on me if she needed a ride somewhere or some help with something. It sounds harsh, but it took her all of 10 minutes accept that. We actually became good friends, did all kinds of things together, and had a lot of fun. We are still on good terms.

D. Girl D was also friends with girls A and B. They were a bit of a trio. I was friends with all of them. At some point, I asked girl C if she wanted to go on a date with me. I had previously obtained her father's permission to date her (we were still in high school), so when she said she had to ask her parents and she told me her dad said no, I chalked it up to her wanting to avoid personally rejecting me. I knew she was not interested in dating me, but I thought maybe she just needed to give me a chance. I asked her a couple more times and she eventually agreed to go out with me. It went nowhere, and we both just moved on to other people. There was no bitterness nor awkwardness. I spent my energies on other people from then on.

E. I met a girl in college. Asked her out to a movie in the park because she was interesting and focused on getting to know her and her sister who tagged along. In a few weeks, I fell in love with her (not the sister) and within a month we were engaged. 8 months later we were married. That was 8 years ago and we have two children now.

The point of these stories is DON'T UNDERVALUE FRIENDSHIP. And don't make this artificial separation between dating and friendship. You SHOULD date your friends. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse, a life-long companion, a life-long best friend.

Take the emotional risk. Just ask her out. Be a good friend and a gentleman. Treat her well and remain friends no matter what happens on the romance side. Also, take the physical stuff slowly. It seems like a lot of people want to start kissing or more right away. If you really like her romantically and you get the feeling she might be feel the same way about you, try holding her hand. If you are wrong, it is easier to recover from. If you are right, it is easy for her to accept and start forming a stronger romantic bond.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

I really appreciate the time you took to write this up. It sure was a big help.

I have worked up the courage to ask her out. I will do it mid next week.

My only problem right now is keeping the conversation going when we are out.

I really hope there won't be any awkward silence.
 
mKTank

mKTank

macrumors 68000
Jul 2, 2010
1,537
3
Hold said:
I really appreciate the time you took to write this up. It sure was a big help.

I have worked up the courage to ask her out. I will do it mid next week.

My only problem right now is keeping the conversation going when we are out.

I really hope there won't be any awkward silence.
Click to expand...

Very touching but uh don't ask a girl to marry you after a month or two of going out. It's kind of silly. Love doesn't develop that fast, only infatuation.
 
Jay42

Jay42

macrumors 65816
Jul 14, 2005
1,416
588
I'm not going to cast my 2 cents into this heap of overwhelming advice.

I will say though, much easier going from girl-friend to girlfriend than ex-girlfriend to girlfriend.
 
d4rkc4sm

d4rkc4sm

macrumors 6502
Apr 23, 2011
438
134
Hold said:
My only problem right now is keeping the conversation going when we are out.

I really hope there won't be any awkward silence.
Click to expand...

dont talk about politics, the weather, sports, religion or ask her her life story. every guy does this and it is boring. talk about the stuff you talk about when you are with your guy friends. above all, be fun, relaxed/casual and try to seem disinterested. looking too eager is unattractive to woman
 
Liquorpuki

Liquorpuki

macrumors 68020
Jun 18, 2009
2,286
8
City of Angels
bearbear said:
sounds like your in the friend zone and have a bad case of one-itis. Branch out and date others, and see how she reacts. That way you don't seem so desperate and you'll have options.
Click to expand...

um, the guy doesn't know how to ask a girl out period. I don't see how you expect him to be able to do with other women what he obviously can't do with this one

unless the girl is as desperate as him, this is straight crash and burn
 
H

Hold

macrumors regular
Original poster
May 19, 2010
111
0
jca24 said:
is she hot?
Click to expand...

She isn't "hot" in the kind of way that you couldn't keep your eyes off her if you saw her on the street.

However she is very cute and she is beautiful in my eyes. Much more importantly, she has a wonderful personality and that is far more important to me.
 
d4rkc4sm

d4rkc4sm

macrumors 6502
Apr 23, 2011
438
134
Hold said:
She isn't "hot" in the kind of way that you couldn't keep your eyes off her if you saw her on the street.

However she is very cute and she is beautiful in my eyes. Much more importantly, she has a wonderful personality and that is far more important to me.
Click to expand...

*barf
 
Sankersizzle

Sankersizzle

macrumors 6502a
Jun 5, 2010
838
2
Canadadada
Hold said:
She isn't "hot" in the kind of way that you couldn't keep your eyes off her if you saw her on the street.

However she is very cute and she is beautiful in my eyes. Much more importantly, she has a wonderful personality and that is far more important to me.
Click to expand...

Uh oh...

We all know what that means.
 
Grey Beard

Grey Beard

macrumors 65816
Sep 10, 2005
1,021
72
The Antipodes.
If at the time of your tryst you are still in limbo with your conversation, ask her of her opinions on feminism. Then enquire if she has latent, or overt feelings toward lesbianism.
KGB:rolleyes:
 
Reach9

Reach9

macrumors 68020
Aug 17, 2010
2,417
224
In America
Hey dude, hear me out, there's a fundamental mistake you're already making, "how to go from girl-friend to girlfriend". You should be focusing on how to get her make you "boy-friend to boyfriend", i.e she should be practically putting her arms around you before you bring out the magic words "do you want to date?" or whatever you plan on saying.

Let HER start the convos, and you just follow most of the time. Then start convos yourself here and there, women love talking about themselves so it'll only help you both out.

I wouldn't say anything to her until i've seen clear physical signs that she's into me. which include but are not only to: touching my arms, legs, chest, hair. Pointing her legs at me, her shoulders at me, grooming herself around me. And overall trying to impress.

If you feel she does all that, then go for it man and drop the bomb!
 
deafgoose

deafgoose

macrumors regular
Oct 20, 2011
232
4
I was in the same situation.

I asked her out to dinner and during dinner she said "i just want to be friends".

I was like, "yeah for sure!"

I really liked her so I kept spending time with her (no strings attached) and after a while she was like "so are we dating out what?"

Missong accomplished.

Moral of the story. BE YOURSELF!
 
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