The rule of never getting back with an ex is typically a good rule; but that really depends on why you guys broke up in the first place. If it is because of personality issues, or lifestyle -- they are gone. If it is something stupid like you forgot to take out the garbage on time, then there is hope. But in this case, write her off.
Second, drugs and alcohol are not the answer to the problem. Been there, done that, not worth it. Hobbies are a great way to get your mind off of the problem and onto something more constructive instead of destructive. Sounds like you're on this road. This is a good thing. I'd try stopping the alcohol after a few days; you really don't need it. The valumn the same thing, wean yourself off of it. I'd keep taking the anti-depressants until your doctor tells you to stop.
When your ready, and it shouldn't be too long, start getting out more. Going to places to make yourself happy. Be it bars, arcades, shopping, hiking, etc.. anything, get yourself out, and do things, maybe you'll meet someone new. But here is a tip, when you finally do meet someone new, don't drop all the hobbies you're picking up now, keep doing them. Flying, Biking, whatever. That is what make you, you, and she should accept that. I find way too many guys drop EVERYTHING and focus just on her. Not only does this end up causing tension but if things don't go well; the guys end up sucking wind and devastated.
I also would recommend living alone for a few years. Take the time, find out who YOU are and who you want to be. What makes you happy and what you can do to keep yourself from being depressed. Once you know what you want, and how to achieve it, adding someone into the mix is easier and less disruptive, just stay focused on who you are and what you want. Don't give up everything for someone else. If you both realize this, and don't get in each others way, if things go bad, it is much easier to chalk up to experience. But also, if things go good, it makes long term marriage much easier -- because you learn to not only take care of yourself, but to respect the other person's dreams / goals / ambitions.
If you have to give up the things that you love for someone else; then they really aren't the person for you. You don't need to do everything together as a couple, it is OK for her not to love Golf; you may not like some things she does. As long as you can respect each other and not let it come in the way, then you'll be OK.
Think for the partnership is not a bad thing, I'm not suggesting that people should be obnoxious and demand that their hobbies are more important then the relationship. No, I'm not saying that, but you shouldn't have to get rid of it either. If you're really into Model building and you really enjoy it; but she thinks it is a waste of money / time, then there WILL be problems. If she doesn't like it but understands you do; and you respect that and make sure that it doesn't come between you guys (example, her best friend is getting married on Sunday and she expects you to go, but there is a model show going on that same day . . . yes it is something you want to do, but you do have to bend once in a while, go to the wedding).
I've been married 14 years now. It hasn't been easy; in fact we were just one step away from divorce about 4 years ago. We were not seeing eye to eye, she made demands and if I didn't follow she would get mad. I finally grew a backbone and stood up to her and said no. I learned to be strong for myself and for me. Not to let her, or anyone else, walk all over me (very common geek thing to do btw). Once I stopped being a wimp and doing some things to make myself happy first; everyone was much more happy. We have a great relationship now, much stronger then before. But I also know what if it ever came down to it, and she left, I would be fine.
Good luck, and believe it or not, you're not alone.
