Kingsly said:
Quite an interesting Thread, perhaps - rather like this other one? If you were worried, I should stop right now, Old Chap, as you have disqualified yourself straight away. NOBODY in England (forget the rest of the UK, they don't count for much over here) likes Tony Blair any more *holds little finger out to the side*.
A few questions to get a leeeetle bit more information from you so that we can help with your enquiry?
Were you routinely exposed to advanced homosexual practices from your peers at your Public School, providing that is, that you went to Public School? (Ah! You see our Public Schools are your Private Schools - so confusing, not so? And it IS important that you did go to Public School if you actually want to be English - er, sorry - British)
Have you ever actually Cried? Big mistake if your answer is "yes" as we have upper lips so stiff that you could use them as ---- whatever you use very stiff things for. So, no crying I'm afraid.
*slight break here, as I myself am a tad confused - there has been talk in previous posts of things called 'soap' and 'showers'; could anyone please enlighten me and tell me what these things are?*
Do you find yourself wondering if people from a foreign country have to translate their own words into English before being able to understand them? If 'Yes', that is a good answer. Lord only knows how the people from Finland, Holland or Australia, can understand each other.
Do you prefer to drink your beer (or whatever passes for beer in the USA) at some heroically low temperature or at the correct room temperature - maybe pre-heated in the oven for a few minutes?
Would you be willing to sell, or exchange, your own mother for, say, a new MacBook Pro? You score 5 extra points if you already own one via that route.
Have you ever said, for whatever reason, "Jolly good show, Carruthers!"
Have you ever wondered why God invented Wales and the Welsh and assumed that He was having a very bad hair day when he did?
Do you agree that the reason Australia has so many sheep is because they are the principle species by which the men get their sexual thrills and also for providing future Australians?
A. You meet a girl who looks like a bag of nails and who is wearing the most frightful dress. She says "I've just bought this new dress - do you like it?"
Do you say:
1. My dear, you look absolutely gorgeous!
2. Uh? You looked like a bag of nails before and --- well, no change
3. Well, it certainly does something for your hands.
B. An Australian tells you that he has just read a book. Do you answer:
1. Oh I read that one too, very dull/interesting wasn't it?
2. I didn't know that such things existed in Australia - Quel surprise!
3. Did your lips move as you went from word to word in the sentences?
Do you have a well-developed sense of irony/sarcasm? Us English (oops sorry again - Brits) get fed it while at our mothers breast as babies? Without it, we would be lost.
There's heaps more if you want some extra pointers, but this'll do for now.
So I wish you well with your ambitions to either join us or --- heavens forbid ---- you want to stay American. I hope that I have helped in some way.
