Ridiculous--Apple engineers are calling me tomorrow to discuss my diagnostic logs with me too. I'll come back and update y'all after. If they tell me it's a software problem or give me too much hassle, I'm well within the 14 day window and I'll just take this thing back and buy it when they figure out what's wrong with these screens. Or get a Pixel 2. Either way, I'm not getting stuck with this brick.
They’ll take care of you, I’m sure of it. you’ll probably get a new one