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Love, Abnormal Relationships, and Age Difference

I was into the 18/19 year olds a year or two ago (when I was 23/24) but they do my head in now... full of fun and energy sure, but far too immature in every possible way.

TBH as long as they're not a kid, it doesn't bother me who people go with, although I think the "father/daughter" or "mother/son" style relationships are a bit freaky :p

In the UK 16/17 is a grey area and under 16 is plain illegal, I think this is a fair system. Though I also think people take the paranoia a bit far here.
 
Age shouldn't matter, but it does, for obvious reasons.

I had a [long distance] relationship with over a four year age difference... That was really good while it lasted, because, well, the girl was pretty great, and was wise beyond her years; but the differences in schools and workloads and all finally took its toll, and when added to the distance factor, became too much (that's not even mentioning the legalities of it either).

Anyway, I'm in an amazing relationship now with a girl who's 16, and I'm almost 18. I am going to college next year, and yeah, she has two more years of high school. I suppose things like this get in the way of many relationships with age differences, but they are definitely worth overcoming assuming you love that person and are happy. None of my peers look at the two grade difference as a big deal, and my family and hers are also okay with it. I suppose the fact it's only a little over two years makes it less apparent than some of the cases mentioned in this thread, but because of the circumstances, it's a common thing to encounter.
 
I am 19 and haven't dated all that many different women, two of my ex-girlfriends were a year older than me and one was a year younger. The girl I took to prom was 2 years younger than me (IIRC). So I have never been in the situation where I was worried what others might think about the age difference; however, I personally feel as long as there isn't a legal question about it than there is nothing wrong with a large age difference. Personally I have often wondered if I should seek older professionals. I have met plenty of very attractive women in the 30's and 40's who have great careers, wouldn't be a bad situation for me to be in.
 
Plymouthbreezer said:
Age shouldn't matter, but it does, for obvious reasons.

I had a [long distance] relationship with over a four year age difference... That was really good while it lasted, because, well, the girl was pretty great, and was wise beyond her years; but the differences in schools and workloads and all finally took its toll, and when added to the distance factor, became too much (that's not even mentioning the legalities of it either).

Anyway, I'm in an amazing relationship now with a girl who's 16, and I'm almost 18. I am going to college next year, and yeah, she has two more years of high school. I suppose things like this get in the way of many relationships with age differences, but they are definitely worth overcoming assuming you love that person and are happy. None of my peers look at the two grade difference as a big deal, and my family and hers are also okay with it. I suppose the fact it's only a little over two years makes it less apparent than some of the cases mentioned in this thread, but because of the circumstances, it's a common thing to encounter.
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My best friend and her boyfriend are exactly [to the date] 2.5 years apart. She is 16, and he is about to turn 19. He's in college 5 hours away, and she only sees him on break. It's hard for the both of them because they were dating a year before he left, but I believe 100% they'll make it. I believe in soul mates, and i believe that they're made for each other. They plan on getting married when he's done with college [he's only going for 3 years]. I have faith in their relationship - I mean they've made it this far!
 
I'm 22 and the half plus seven works. 18 is my cutoff. But that's such a weird algorithm. It only works to me because (a) it just so happens that 18 means out of high school, (b) it also just so happens that 18 is beyond any weird age-of-consent rules, and (c) most 18-year-olds are getting emotionally mature enough for me to stand them, and they're being ushered into "the real world" of college and jobs, versus high school's babysitting world.

Unfortunately, at 18 in my state one can't sign contracts (Nebraska's age of majority and age of consent are 19), you can smoke but not drink, and even vote (gambling with politics) or enlist (gambling with your life) but not gamble with your own money in a casino or even buy a Powerball.

So, age is a weird thing.
 
Does prolonged long distance relationships count as abnormal? Carolines been at a university a long train ride from me for a good 4 years now. I don't like the long distance as we only see each other every 2-4 weeks, but I put up with it for her :)

As for age?

There's an 8 year age gap between one set of my grandparents. My parents have a year difference and Caroline and I have a month difference. The gap is shortening :eek: But to me;

16-19 = ok
16-22+ = hmm
16-30+ = creepy

I think above 23 and anything is okay. But who am I to judge!
 
One thing I find interesting with the legalities in the UK and probably some US states: it's illegal for 16 and 17 year olds (and under-16s but that's a no-brainer) to exchange explicit pictures of themselves over the internet, even in private (e.g. webcam sex) as it's classed as the production of child pornography, which uses the legal definition of a child as under 18. Both the producer and the viewer could get locked up and put on the sex offenders register. But as the age of consent is 16, it's perfectly legal for them to physically have sex.

Yet another bizarre exception to this, is it's legal for a 16 year old to pose topless for a tabloid newspaper, although AFAIK it's only happened once or twice. I'm not sure exactly where or how this is stated in the law.

Don't get me wrong, I don't condone under-18 porn in any way (18+ is fair game hehe), it's just one of those elements of law that seems a little weird!

Not that I really see the harm in people who would be seen as an acceptable pairing anyway (e.g. 16+19) participating in some private webcam thing, though obviously it's a grey area in the first place. As for actual public pictures e.g. porn, yeah under 18 is too young to get involved in all that IMO, and encourages pedo's.
 
There is a girl in my course at uni....21 years old, who's been dating a 60+ fella for over 6 months now.

She had to move out of her shared accommodation because the other housemates were grossed out by the loud noises coming from bed at night...awkwardness.
 
I think it is weirder when one of the parties in the either budding-sexuality or highly-desirable age ranges; for instance, a 50 year old and a 60 year old wouldn't seem odd to me, or even a 45 year old and a 60 year old. But a 16 year old and a 26 year old? or an 18 year old and a 33 year old? There's something weird going on there, because it's either weirdly early in their sexual life or else there isn't much a 35-year-old could offer an 18-year-old in their prime. So the question becomes, "Why is he/she with her/him? Must be money. Or they're just pursuing a daddy/weird relationship."

So less about age or an algorithm but actually about questionable periods and our own hangups about "bringing something to the table." I mean, it could be emotional... but then, that would only make it a platonic relationship if there weren't more.
 
I think it's weird when people make negative judgments about other people's personal relationships based on completely arbitrary standards which they've created.
 
calculus said:
I came to this thread to look for information on abnormal relationships ...

Where is it?
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"You can't handle the truth!" ;)

Top 10 abnormal relastionships:

1. Roman Polanski- 'yes, but she was a 'mature' 13, and she wanted it bad, and she was on drugs...err, we were...and she had big t*ts' lol.

2. Woody (I couldn't help myself, had a 'woody') Allen & Soon-Yi (perfectly legal, btw...still sick). Caught holding hands w/step daughter Soon-yi @basketball game, when she was 20 (but when were the nude photos taken?).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_Allen

3. Jerry Lee, 'Great Balls of Fire" Lewis and his 13yr old cousin...perv. ;).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Lee_Lewis

4. Anna Nicole Smith and her near death billionaire husband... "Ain't nothin but a gold-digger' ...err, correction 'casket robber' as opposed to 'cradle robber' :p

5. Mary Kay Letourneau...just major ewwww! Will it last? Who knows, only can hope the children they have will turn out semi-normal.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau

6. On a more substantial and serious note in developing/3rd world economies...really sick from the perspective of our moral compass, but widely accepted as 'normal' there:

Forced marriages/Childbrides/enslavement of girls:

http://marriage.about.com/od/arrangedmarriages/a/childbride.htm

7. Yuck, I'm too grossed out to continue, carry on :D
 
I think that because everyone is different it makes judging these types of things based on the numerical value of their age quite flawed. What is worse is that most people base their preconceptions on scandals revolving around age differences simply because those are all they have heard of.

Unless you yourself have been in a relationship like this, how would you know what may or may not be happening?

My first wife and I were 10 years apart in age and our relationship lasted about 12 years. In retrospect, I can now see where (early on) after her father died that I took on a fatherly (or parental) type of role. But this was my first extended relationship and didn't understand the dangers of having that much control (which I now firmly believe should be shared).

So was it the age difference that was the mistake or my lack of experience? The age difference wouldn't have made much of a difference at any point in time in my life, and there was no way to have experienced something without having experienced it first. So I would say neither.

But one thing I would point out is that when two people love each other, building a life together with the normal hardships that two people face can be daunting. Now imagine that there is the added pressure of a social stigma attached to the relationship. Either the relationship works (and grows stronger for it) or it'll brake a part dramatically. If it works, you'll most likely never know about it... and if it doesn't, you'll read about it in the news or see it on TV.

I was 16 when I met my first wife (who was 26 at the time). There were no news stories about us, and life just when on. By the time we divorced (when I was around 29) it was just another sad failed marriage. And while it felt like a world altering event for me, pretty much no one else really cared... which is how personal stuff like this really should be.


My advice... if you aren't a party to a relationship like this, do everyone a favor and stay out of it. Love is hard enough without strangers sticking their noses into other people's business.
 
My friend just starting dating a man 20 years her senior and to say I was shocked at first would be an understatement. Since hearing this I have been reading about relationships with large age gaps and I found a really helpful discussion here: http://www.pandalous.com/nodes/age_difference_in
I hope that it helps shed some light on what is really important in a relationship.
 
Naimfan said:
I just don't think this is something that can be reduced to an algorithm. It totally depends on the two people.
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I agree with that, more or less.. but there are extremes.

In town there was a guy (maybe 40, 43) who went out and married this woman who had to be in her late 60s. She was wealthy and wore heavy makeup. That's just wrong to me.. The intentions of both seem very obvious.

This other chap married a recently divorced woman who had two children not three years younger than himself. She was just old enough to be his mother. What made that was that fact he used to hang around her daughter and thought she was just the hottest thing... till mom came along.. weird. Even weirder: It was my brother...

Generally, while I agree that it depends on the two people involved, I think situation plays a role as well, and when I see such a big age gap my reaction isn't positive. Call me childish, or naive, but I wouldn't have any interest in someone five years in either direction of my age.. you can stretch a bit going younger, but still.
 
Melrose said:
Call me childish, or naive, but I wouldn't have any interest in someone five years in either direction of my age.. you can stretch a bit going younger, but still.
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Seriously?!?!? I'm thirty and wouldn't be interested in someone still in their teens at all, but someone who's 25-- absolutely not the slightest concern.
 
suburbia said:
Seriously?!?!? I'm thirty and wouldn't be interested in someone still in their teens at all, but someone who's 25-- absolutely not the slightest concern.
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Well, within reason methinks. I'm 26, so someone who's 20, 21 - that's fine. Close to 30? Ummm, no..
 
No no not at all - I'm not age-biased it's just I can't imagine me at my age, going for that age group yet. Give me four years maybe I'll change my mind :D
 
Melrose said:
No no not at all - I'm not age-biased it's just I can't imagine me at my age, going for that age group yet. Give me four years maybe I'll change my mind :D
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Let me tell you young man, as a member of that age group, in 4 years you'll be like me-- seeing a 23 yr. old :D

I thought it was the end of a part of my life when I was about to turn 30-- then that day came, and it was... just another day.
 
When I was 16 I dated a guy that was 8 years older than me. It didn't last long though, he was very immature. :D

Still, when we met I thought he was younger and he thought I was older.
 
I dated one MR member here who was much younger than I. We dated for two years, but the long distance got to be too much. We are still good friends to this day though. A longer relationship just wasn't in the cards.
 
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