There is no chance I will ask her out when she is still in a relationship. My main question is how should I play it out when they breakup?
Sounds an awful lot to me like you'd rather be passive than take any responsibility for the role you play in your own situation.
There is no chance I will ask her out when she is still in a relationship. My main question is how should I play it out when they breakup?
As a female, I just have to ask all the people that are advocating that he make a move right now to explain their reasoning a little further... If someone is in a relationship and you know it, I can hardly think of a more insulting/unattractive thing than asking them out, regardless of how much you "like" her or not.
Put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes. How would you feel if her supposed "friends" all started hitting on her? I say props for the OP for not being that sort of lowlife who poaches other guys' girlfriends...
Otherwise, I think the advice in the thread has been solid. Don't make this girl your be-all-end-all and succumb to the xkcd-delusion. And *IF* they actually break up (note the BIG "if", because you really have no idea), make your move quick-ish if you want a shot at being with her.
Just my 2 cents...![]()
If someone is in a relationship and you know it, I can hardly think of a more insulting/unattractive thing than asking them out, regardless of how much you "like" her or not.
I've never heard of this "ask her out while she has a boyfriend" thing as being a widespread mindset, and I have heard a lot. Maybe I am getting too old and am out of touch? I'm not understanding. If a man ever did that to me I'd lay him out instead of being flattered, to put me in such a position. Glad I don't have to worry about dating anymore though, that's a relief. I wonder what happened to the OP...
I'm well known for being an amazing and inspiring individual.THIS!!!
OP, do yourself a favor and read both Iscariot's posts over and over. Your hesitant attitude and inaction is not about her nor in deference to her.
It's not so much a question of asking her out as it is deciding to stop being a spectator in one's own life. This guy has been pining after this girl for a year and a half, waiting for a perfect time that in all likelihood will never come. He has, as of this point, played absolutely no role in advancing his chance of having a meaningful relationship with anybody, but instead has advanced a twisted kind of patriarchal "white knighting" wherein women are prizes to be coveted, cherished and protected instead of rational, thoughtful human beings deserving of equal treatment and respect.
He's embraced a kind of stunning mediocrity that both absolves him of having to take action and the consequences of his own inaction.
There's a rather lengthy and entrenched internet meme about getting "friendzoned" that perpetuates both this patriarchal view of women and rationalizing inaction by using friendliness and kindness as a pre-payment for relationships and sex. It's incredibly misogynistic; women are contextualized only in their role in men's desires. It's self-victimization; the fabrication of victim-hood in an attempt to manipulate and vilify the opposite party while absolving oneself of self-responsibility. "“Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes.” “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no.”"
I'm not particularly interested in whether or not this jackass makes a choice to start treating women as human beings deserving of respect and honesty, rather I'm hoping that my advice may play a small role in helping young men realize how to take control of their lives and view women as equals who should not be deified or vilified for having their own set of emotions and desires.
I'm well known for being an amazing and inspiring individual.
You are not even addressing the point we were making. This is all fine and well, but you do not do this while someone is in a relationship, that is just called being a selfish *******.
You are not even addressing the point we were making. This is all fine and well, but you do not do this while someone is in a relationship, that is just called being a selfish *******.
But, again, I'm not really interested in a solution to this guy's particular problems, I'm much more interested in ending the perpetuation of the nice-guy-friend-zoned sexist bullsh**.
There's a litany of reasons why it can be appropriate to tell someone in a relationship that you are interested in them, and it can absolutely be done in a way that's respectful and without being an *******. That's because there's a huge difference between letting someone know that you have romantic feelings for them and suggesting they ditch their current partner and date you. Telling someone you have romantic interest in them is not the same as questioning their romantic loyalty, nor should it be construed as such. You can have a heart-to-heart discussion with someone about how you feel about them without a slimy wink and a suggestion of "just how married are you?"
It's far shadier and much more disrespectful to keep popping kindness coins in and hoping the relationship ends and sex falls out. Remember this isn't a case of "should I ask out a taken woman?" it's a case of "how do I stick around with unrequited feelings for years hoping that her relationship crumbles without seeming like a complete creep?"
I'd much rather somebody be upfront and honest with me (or for that matter, with my partner) about romantic feelings than inappropriately pine after one of us for years (!) with overly-familiar behaviour while secretly hoping for the demise of our relationship to get in my (her) pants.
But, again, I'm not really interested in a solution to this guy's particular problems, I'm much more interested in ending the perpetuation of the nice-guy-friend-zoned sexist bullsh**.
And, eric/ all is not fair in love and war, that's just sleazy. Hopefully someone will ask your girlfriend out for a date since it's "fair" and all.
If somebody does, than she certainly has the right to go with him.
I would do it with some slut from a local bar.
."Slut is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say yes.
She, unlike me is not cool at all with being single.
Yes, it would be.I don't know If I should spill my heart out and let her know everything. Then she can choose between me and him. Maybe she is just sticking with him at this point because she doesn't have anything else on the table. However I think on the other hand that it is a sneaky thing to do. Also very disrespectful towards the current boyfriend.
Dude. I wish you would hurry up and do something. I'm going to die before you make up your mind.
Hes clearly incapable of making up his mind.
And you think it is acceptable and moral that another man interferes in your relationship and asks out your girlfriend who is in a relationship? Somehow I don't think you would be shaking the guy's hand when he comes to the door that Friday night for her or giving him money for the parking meter at the movie theater.