Please read my post and read up on PAE, OSX is not yet a TRUE 64bit OS. It uses PAE to access more than 4GB of physical ram and this depends on how well your hardware supports PAE, but this is not the solution, the solution can only come from a true 64bit kernel.
This is nonsense. Software running on MacOS X can be any mixture of 32 bit and 64 bit software. You use 64 bit software if you need to access more than 4 GB of data. The part of the operating system that allocates memory space to 32 and 64 bit applications doesn't have to be 64 bit code at all. It doesn't _use_ more than 4 GB of memory, it just tells the applications how much memory to use. Changing this to 64 bit code would have no advantage.
The problem with the MacBooks is this: There has to be code that detects which memory chips are physically plugged in. That code seems to be working correctly when two 4GB chips are plugged in; it detects correctly the presence of those two chips. Next, there have to be physical address lines in the chipset that allow addressing the memory. It looks like the MBP has physical address lines that allow using 8 GB worth of addresses. However, things like video hardware etc. also need to be addressed, and the chipset is not capable of using all of 8 GB of RAM plus video hardware. Next, the chipset has to be capable of mapping physical addresses to hardware. For example, if you have 2GB + 1GB chips, every physical memory address from zero to 2 GB would be sent to the first RAM chip, every physical memory address from 2 GB to 3 GB would be sent to the second RAM chip, and all addresses in some other range would be sent to the video hardware. There is the question how flexible this hardware is. It seems that on earlier Macs that couldn't use all of 4 GB of RAM, it was flexible enough to split 2 GB to the first RAM chip, 1 1/4 GB to the second RAM chip, and 3/4 GB to other hardware. Maybe the MBP chipset isn't that flexible, or the video hardware has been given a fixed memory address at 6 GB.
Now the point where things seem to go wrong: It is apparently possible to put more memory into a new MacBook Pro than can be used for RAM. Maybe the maximum that can be used is 6 GB. It looks like some code in the OS decides that any RAM chip can only be either used completely, or not used at all. And since the second 4 GB chip cannot be used completely, it isn't used at all. So with 4 GB + 4 GB the operating system gets two numbers: 8 GB RAM are physically present in the computer, and 4 GB RAM can be used by applications. From the evidence we have seen, with a 4 GB + 1 GB combination the operating system will see 5 GB physically present, and 5 GB can be used by applications.
The fact that 5 GB systems works fine proves that this has nothing to do with a 32 bit or 64 bit Kernel. If 32 bitness were the problem, then the OS wouldn't be able to handle 5 GB either, but it can. The problem is that 4 GB + 4 GB is not a supported configuration, isn't supported, probably hasn't been tested on the MacBook Pro, and isn't handled optimally with current software.
It is very likely that the firmware can be changed to use part of a RAM chip only; after all, it can do that on pure 32 bit systems, where 3 1/4 GB of RAM can be used, which is one complete 2 GB chip and 5/8ths of the second 2 GB chip. It will probably happen when 4 GB chips are more affordable.