Oh god, I never thought I would ask this "here"!

w_parietti22

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Apr 16, 2005
2,499
1
Seattle, WA
Ok... I no, I no... another girl help thread. :p

Ok, so heres the problem...

Theres this girl, I really like her... and I want to ask her out. But, my friend likes her too! I've known this friend since I was like 3 so yeah. He's already mad at me because I like her and he wants to ask her out too. I don't want to ruin my friendship with him, but I really really like her!!!

So, what do you choose, the girl, or the friend? Will he get over it if I go out with her? If I don't will he swoop in and take her and ruin the friendship anyway?
 

iEdd

macrumors 68000
Aug 8, 2005
1,956
4
Either way, your friendship will become slightly crippled. This happened to me, my friend got the girl. I just flirted with her, she was going to break up with him, but then he broke up with her. Weird. Moral of the story: go for it! :)
 

iBlue

macrumors Core
Mar 17, 2005
19,174
15
London, England
that's a tough one but generally i like to remember that relationships come and go but your friends (the good ones) don't. i tend to put my friendships first. (well before i got married anyway)

it sounds as though he is not as good of a "sport" as you are; if he is already "mad" at you for simply liking her, then he is probably not as equipped to handle the competition... let alone the concept of you being with her. so if you feel you can blow off your desire to go out with her, then try it. it's better to maintain your friendships in most circumstances.

just my $.02
 

Kobushi

macrumors 6502a
Jun 7, 2005
540
0
Right behind you.
Seems dumb if neither of you go for her. It may as well be you. If your friend is truly a friend, he'll want you to be happy....of course the same could be said of you...hmmm

well, I guess if he's already mad at you for just liking her, that's silly. Go for it!
 

w_parietti22

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Apr 16, 2005
2,499
1
Seattle, WA
Actually, he's not totally mad at the fact that I like her, more they fact that I'm comfortable flirting with her and talking to her, and he's not.
 

Kobushi

macrumors 6502a
Jun 7, 2005
540
0
Right behind you.
iBlue said:
that's a tough one but generally i like to remember that relationships come and go but your friends (the good ones) don't. i tend to put my friendships first. (well before i got married anyway)

it sounds as though he is not as good of a "sport" as you are; if he is already "mad" at you for simply liking her, then he is probably not as equipped to handle the competition... let alone the concept of you being with her. so if you feel you can blow off your desire to go out with her, then try it. it's better to maintain your friendships in most circumstances.

just my $.02
Doh! right after I posted, too. Blue has a point, boy/girl relationships come and go. Real friendships are hard to create. Chances are you'll go out with her, make your friend mad, find out later she's not the one, and end up without her anyway.

Although, I was in your friend's situation years ago and my buddy swooped in and got the girl. I was mad at first, but she turned out to be kinda psycho. My friend and I remain great friends.

Bah, I'm useless. I haven't told you anything but "maybe". Just do it! You never know unless you try.
 

feakbeak

macrumors 6502a
Oct 16, 2003
925
1
Michigan
Talk to your friend about it. Tell him if he's not going to make a move, you will. If that is enough to motivate him to ask her out, let it be. Otheriwse pursue her without any guilt - you gave him his chance.

Then again, that's just the first that popped into my head. We don't know many details about the situation... so it is as good advice as any.

Good luck! :cool:
 

w_parietti22

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Apr 16, 2005
2,499
1
Seattle, WA
feakbeak said:
Talk to your friend about it. Tell him if he's not going to make a move, you will. If that is enough to motivate him to ask her out, let it be. Otheriwse pursue her without any guilt - you gave him his chance.

Then again, that's just the first that popped into my head. We don't know many details about the situation... so it is as good advice as any.

Good luck! :cool:
Wouldn't that be telling him to go ahead and have her? I don't think he totally feels comfortable asking her out. I've never been in a "real" relationship before... :eek: being a teen is so though! :(

Thanks for the advice so far! :)
 

miloblithe

macrumors 68020
Nov 14, 2003
2,076
28
Washington, DC
In my life, in the long run, I've remained friends with my friends, despite friends of mine "stealing" girls I was interested in, despite asking a friend of mine's girlfriend to break up with him and go out with me (she did), despite all of that. My friends have generally stuck around and we've remained friends, and most of those women have moved on and out of our circle. Some remain correspondences, if that.

However, it's not like it's ever easy. And it's not like those old wounds are ever totally, completely forgiven. Some of my friendships suffered, even for years, because either I or they decided that "all's fair..."

The way I see it is that he's going to resent you, or you're going to resent him. Either way, your friendship is going to suffer because of this girl. You can see the details of this situation better than we can, so you probably know best what factors outweigh which other factors. But whatever decision you make will have rewards and penalties.
 

Deepdale

macrumors 68000
May 4, 2005
1,965
0
New York
w_parietti22 said:
I've never been in a "real" relationship before...
There is plenty of time in your young life for relationship based issues to blossom. Meanwhile, keep saving and treat yourself to a new Mac. Problem solved ... you need not pay me.
 

savar

macrumors 68000
Jun 6, 2003
1,954
0
District of Columbia
w_parietti22 said:
So, what do you choose, the girl, or the friend? Will he get over it if I go out with her? If I don't will he swoop in and take her and ruin the friendship anyway?
Don't ruin a good friendship over a girl, its not worth it. As long as either one of you is going out with her, it will be pretty awkward to hangout with each other, even if in principle you want to stay friends.

The girl might have an opinion as well...why not just tell her the scenario and see what she says? It would be unlikely that she wants to date both of you. She might not even want to date either of you! Don't blow a friendship on such big ifs.
 

superbovine

macrumors 68030
Nov 7, 2003
2,872
0
w_parietti22 said:
Wouldn't that be telling him to go ahead and have her? I don't think he totally feels comfortable asking her out. I've never been in a "real" relationship before... :eek: being a teen is so though! :(

Thanks for the advice so far! :)

yes it would. it would also mean you are putting your friendship first. it is a calulated risk. if you ask him first and he makes a move, and he gets the girl. you get to keep a friend. although, if he swings and misses, your up to bat (i'd give a little bit of time if this happens). The last scenario is if he doesn't go for her, he'll have to learn to had way...you snooze you lose.
 

Chundles

macrumors G4
Jul 4, 2005
11,981
363
Chose the girl. Your mate will just have to accept that she chose you.


Or, you could just stand about 15m apart with the girl in the middle and call her name, then see which one of you she goes to... ;)
 

GorillaPaws

macrumors 6502a
Oct 26, 2003
930
6
Richmond, VA
The real issue in question here is who called dibs on this girl? If noone has officially called dibs then you're free to to say to your boy "Dude I call dibs on Sarah (or whatever her name might be)." The dibs-holder has first crack at the girl, and if he's rejected, other parties may then fall in line for their chances. It's like calling shotgun, you gotta respect the rules because they've kept men from backstabbing each other for centuries.

edit: spelling, grammar
 

DeepIn2U

macrumors 603
May 30, 2002
6,035
1,618
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
I like GorillaPaws philosophy it works.

1> Go for her, most likely she already knows both of you like her; dont be surprised she play both of you for a quick laugh in the first 2 weeks, though jsut to see who's serious or more fun - whatever she's looking for.

2> You could always find a fault in any girl, concentrate on just that and you want like her anymore; but ask yourself are you and ya boy best friends or just old friends that have for the most part already grown apart. Sounds like best friends - if so never fight over a girl; compete for one is different!

Speak to him and say "may the best man win her heart". But whom goes first? Call dibs!
 

sushi

Moderator emeritus
Jul 19, 2002
15,630
3
キャンプスワ&#
iBlue said:
that's a tough one but generally i like to remember that relationships come and go but your friends (the good ones) don't.
Exactly.

Do not let someone, in this case a girl, come between you and a true friend. It simply is not worth it.

True friends are hard to come by. Value them.

Sushi
 

efoto

macrumors 68030
Nov 16, 2004
2,627
0
Cloud 9 (-6)
w_parietti22 said:
Actually, he's not totally mad at the fact that I like her, more they fact that I'm comfortable flirting with her and talking to her, and he's not.
He's not mad, he's jealous and caught in a feeling that you are already one-up on him. If you two are really friends, you should each be happy for the other if you are able to date this girl. That said, you should be equals in the contest and both support the victor, so go for it yourself and win the prize (haha, another girl=prize line....sorry :eek:)
 

SilentPanda

Moderator emeritus
Oct 8, 2002
9,808
28
The Bamboo Forest
I think you two should fight it out gladiator style to the (near) death! Then make her choose between the two of you only to find out she is really in love with Spider Man. Then you two can hit up the pub and talk about how neither of you really liked her anyway.

BUT THEN...

You'll look on the TV and see that on the news that the girl is hanging from the edge of a bridge and Spider Man is restrained to a *doomsday* device and can't save her or *the world*! Fortunately for you you've had less to drink than your friend and you press the secret button on your barstool that lowers you down to your super jet!

As you get closer you can finally make out the bridge on your sonic view but it's still a long ways away. But what is that?! She has lost her grip and starts to fall! Will our courageous super-forum-member make it in time to save the girl? Will Spider Man be able to release himself from the doomsday device? Will our super-forum-members friend be able to down that next pint before he realizes his buddy is gone?

Find out next week on..

Super-Forum-Members!

<insert theme song here>
 

jdechko

macrumors 601
Jul 1, 2004
4,058
198
The proper way to handle the situation would be to have a best-of-three Paper, Rock, Scissors game. Just have another friend moderate the contest. The winner can have first chance, or defer till the second half.
 

dcv

macrumors G3
May 24, 2005
8,021
1
SilentPanda said:
I think you two should fight it out gladiator style to the (near) death! Then make her choose between the two of you only to find out she is really in love with Spider Man. Then you two can hit up the pub and talk about how neither of you really liked her anyway.
or... a duel. pistols at dawn! :D