I dont have AppleCare either. If it gets damaged to the point of uselessness I would look at the house insurance.
AC+ doesnt cover cosmetic damage. If the unit works, its not covered. So you would need to crack the screen or take it for a swim. Or if your American just shoot it, everyone over there has a gun right?
Yes, but which gun to use? Apple won't give you an out of warranty for catastrophic damage, so the shot gun and .45 are out