RESOLVED: Geez...my spoiled daughter was disappointed when I gave her a new 11" MBA!

[GoCubsGo]

<reads response>
<notices location of poster>
<rolls eyes>

And when I was in high school we used cuneiform-we knew it was time for school to end for the day...the sun baked the tablets hard so we couldn't record anymore. OLD SCHOOL!

Spare me the location ******** and your inane stereotypical assumptions. this guy's parenting has nothing to do with location.

 

[hcho3]

The time has changed. The age has changed. We are no longer what we used to be.

You can give them your used iPad and your children will say it sucks because iPad 2 is out.

Honestly, I don't like children. I like having myself owing the latest and greatest. Screw the rest. They can work and get those gadgets themselves. Beggers can't be choosers.

 

[TrollToddington]

OMG, The OP's daughter is not Little lord Fauntleroy. She just doesn't understand neither the present nor its value because she's very young.

Agree it's striking because Where I live I have to save up for 4 months if I want to buy a base MBA - which OP's daughter received instantly. It's an example that money doesn't bring you happiness. Perhaps your daughter needs something else, perhaps she could've been happier if you'd taken her to the circus or the zoo.

 

[TrollToddington]

$1000 is no longer a lot of money./QUOTE]Tell this to someone who lives on less than $1 a day. Actually, this comprises half of the world.

 

[islanders]

Sounds like she didn't pester you or complain and was happy with her MB, even though she had her eye on something else for an upgrade, like the MBP 13.

Maybe you should have taken a different approach and included her in the process? Did you not bother to ask her what she wanted? Then let her earn it or wait for it.

When I bought my MBP 13 the sales rep said a lot of people want the optical drive. She probably enjoyed watching and making DVD and now you would have to do that for her.

If anything she is the one who is acting responsible, while you made an impulse buy, and now you are the one posting this little saga on the internet.

 

[alphaod]

Sell your daughter.

I'm kidding, but anyways, it was same when I was younger, I'm pretty sure; maybe my parents bought me a Star Trek model instead of a Star Wars model (God forbid!), and I didn't feel so good about it; maybe I even got angry or whatnot, but I'm sure that's the same with what's happening with your daughter... this is with a computer.

Anyways, I guess the best way is to return the MacBook Air (especially if you bought it at an Apple Store) and let her use what she has now.

 

[dmk1974]

Wow, I can't believe there are so many posts in this thread!

I got home late from work tonight (about 1/2 hour ago) and hadn't seen the kids all day. But guess who woke up about 10 minutes before I got home? My daughter. Just wanted to chat and talk about our days. I did ask about the MBA and she said it's allright, but also a little slower than the MB (which I agree...it is).

Look everyone, it's not like she rejected the MBA at first because she didn't have a computer at all. She had a MacBook that she was perfectly happy with in every way. I am the one who bought the MBA for the hell of it because of the deal I got and the benefits I mentioned before. However, the benefits of the "upgrade" are not the same for her as they are for me. No special occasion or anything...just bought it because in the end it won't cost me anything to have her switch from MacBook to MacBook Air. I mean, if new MBAs come out next week and someone gives me the low-end model and expects me to get rid of my 2011 MBP, I'd probably not be too thrilled either.

I'm sure we'll decide in a few days which one she will be keeping. Not all that big of a deal.

There really sure seem a number of people on this thread that are almost jealous that a kid has an Apple laptop. I mean, please! So what? My Dad didn't buy me a computer when I was a kid either, but so what? We had a Commodore 64 that had to load with slow-ass tapes and the whole family would use it. At the time though, it was great. It helped me probably with my schooling and becoming an engineer. The cost of her laptop is what it is...but again, while she knows that it's valuable and she knows to take care of it, the actual dollar amount is irrelevant. I know people that spend more on supporting their kids sports or sending them to go play at summer camp. Big deal. I agree some of their kids are ungrateful, but I know my daughter appreciates things she has. She just didn't see any need to change from what she had. We'll see though

 

[Innes]

There's a few things.

First, it is so important that your daughter identify and express her will. She clearly has one, which is great. The pitfalls of going from childhood to adulthood often involve losing your will and your trust in it. That she knows what she wants is a wonderful indication of good parenting on your part!

Second, your daughter, as a human being with feelings and a will, will express displeasure or pleasure with things, like she probably does with food. You know that a MacBook Air costs a lot more than food--she might be much less aware of this.

Third, it sounds like her concerns are valid. You didn't say she expressed any displeasure with her current computer and she has learned to use it in a certain way. She might not be like people here on Macrumors who decide to upgrade often.

Fourth, you say as a result of this you will be spending more time with your son, and you may have been joking, which is fine, but it could be indicative of something. As adults we come to realize we cannot choose the way people express their love to us. My mother is not the maternal type, but she's very good at throwing parties. I accept that party throwing is her way of showing love. A child shouldn't have to realize this. You feel your daughter rejected you because of the way you uniquely attach value to a computer and or money spent. That may not be how she wants or expects love from you. It's possible it never crosses her mind.

Fifth, there are some people, like myself and my mother, who are not good at receiving gifts. From a young age I would watch my mother react to gifts in a way most people would consider unbecoming. If she received a sweater from my grandmother, she would say something like, "Oh, this would have been so nice for Susan instead, don't you think?"

I am the same way. For Christmas last year, my "big" present from my parents was a new pair of eyeglasses. I was disappointed because eyeglasses seem like something you should pick out yourself and I needed a new prescription so it seemed like a waste to get a new pair without the new prescription. After a few months though, I was quite glad with the practicality of the gift. I would not have gotten a new pair myself or gone for the new prescription, and I wear out my glasses fairly quickly, so it was nice just to have a functioning pair.

But now that in my family we know that my mom and I react poorly to presents, it's an accepted thing and no one gets upset by it. Christmas and birthdays are a very hard time for me with receiving gifts. It's partially that I get well intentioned gifts that fall short. At my last birthday my only wish was for a blood glucose meter because I was pre-diabetic at the time and my doctor wouldn't prescribe me the kit. So, my mom got me one of the $10 kits with rebate at the drugstore but it didn't even include any testing strips. It was a pretty disappointing gift because the strips cost a fortune, but there were other smaller gifts and breakfast in bed.

The point is that in my family, we expect holidays and birthdays to be emotionally traumatic times and I at least expect very, very little, and it is accepted if I react poorly. However, I usually come around, as I did in the case with the glasses.

Often long term relationships don't start idyllically, like my relationship with the glasses. I'm suspicious of the ones that do. Perhaps your daughter will grow into the MBA in a way she wouldn't have if she weren't able to be honest about how she felt about it when she first saw it.

There can be other more complex reasons for your daughter's reaction. There was a sudden change that was out of her control! Why was she receiving the gift? Does she associate receiving expensive gifts with bad times in her life when you have paid her for guilt you've had over something? There are many possibilities.

My main suggestion would be to see the beauty of your daughter's will. She has one--it's the gift of life. She wouldn't be who she is if she acted exactly the way you hoped or expected. I think that you were very well intentioned; however, I have seen in my own family experiences the dangers of having self appointed experts exerting their will over people, especially in my family females, who begin to feel their opinions don't matter in the face of experts on technology, etc. I think you need to allow for opinion diversity even if according to an objective benchmark in your mind that opinion seems worse, especially with children. It's very important children make choices about preferences. And sometimes when they make choices contrary to what we would do, where you even feel bad because you feel like it's a waste, you can see they value something more pure than we as adults do. She might have liked a lunchbox with a giraffe as much as the MacBook Air for all I know. Everyone in my family told my sister to wait and not get an iPhone. We told her a new model was coming out soon! We said this for months. Finally in May she bought a new iPhone--and a white one! I bit my tongue and told her I loved the white! The thing is that she is SO happy with it. It shouldn't have mattered to begin with that I thought she should wait or not. She didn't care about having the latest generation. She doesn't even have any applications on the iPhone and loves it! Should I berate her and tell her she's not allowed to be happy until she's getting the full value of the phone? It's my instinct, but it's a bad instinct.

So with your guidance, my suggestion would be to seek her input into what she wants, even when your gut tells you that you know better for her. Because in the end, even if you get what you think is best for her, she's the one who will find value in it. And even more importantly, she will value her own sense of her judgment depending on how you react to her.

I don't intend any of this as a criticism. You are father of the year for caring and just being there.

You make the point that there aren't any qualifications to be a parent!
No wonder the US is in such dire straights! Good Lord!

 

[swingerofbirch]

I would wager to guess it's the thread title that garnered so many responses.

I think a lot of us trace present day personal problems to our childhoods, and a number of people also seem to link present day societal issues with parenting styles.

To see that a young child not only receives but has an opinion on having received a MBA invites a lot off people to both think about how children affect society and about their own childhoods. If people feel put upon as adults by economic forces or whatever and see someone receiving something they didn't get as a child, the two feelings can become conflated.

As someone who sees himself as an undocumented psychologist, the thread invited me to speak to the will of a child and its role in development (see my previous post). I pointed out that I think will is very important. But that's probably what I wanted to see in what you wrote.

The idea of a child and the idea of wealth and what those ideas mean in our own lives invite all of us to see a lot of things that probably have very little to do with your family.

In the end, the way you describe the situation makes it seem like a nonevent with nothing to be analyzed, but you have to admit the title of the thread was a big attention getter, and I'm not surprised at the number of replies. On some of the other forums I frequent, there are frequently themes of parents who treat their children like "snowflakes" resulting in perceived societal detriment, and the commenters often are very caustic in their views of how children should be treated. I only saw one poster in this thread go that far and it seemed to be a joke (hopefully) with mention of a belt (for purposes of beating a child). That's probably also someone else seeing what they want to see in your thread and how it relates to his or her own life.

Bringing up childhood and entitlement is like setting out a petri dish for all the things people think about themselves and the world, the things that they want to say, even if those things don't really follow the conversation. But your original post was a tad open ended in that you were sort of telling us something rather than seeking advice. It's like a petri dish. As you've now said yourself, there really was no story there--no scandal about the computer--nothing there, except all the thoughts of everyone that were waiting to flood out anyway, including your own. Can you see that? How, looking at the title of the thread and what you said about spending time with your son is sort of dissonant with what you say now that this is a non-event? And I agree the event was insignificant, but just like we used your story as a petri dish for our feelings to come forward, you used the event in your original post to convey feelings you were having, perhaps about rejection. There might even be something you were feeling but unaware of about an alliance with your son and feeling a division between you and your wife and daughter. That's not for me to say, I only bring it up to show there was something you were ultimately trying to figure out--even if it wasn't the event of the computer, just like all of us were trying to figure out something about ourselves and our world through your story about the computer. The computer is the petri dish--the platform--for your feelings and ours.

Thank you for indulging an undocumented psychologist.

 

[swingerofbirch]

You make the point that there aren't any qualifications to be a parent!
No wonder the US is in such dire straights! Good Lord!

You are verging on an ad hominem attack by saying that I as a parent would contribute to the downfall of the United States, but I'll contain your anger.

And contrary to what you said about me, I do actually believe parent education is important. There are some fairly basic concepts such as attachment theory that could definitely help parents out. You have parents out there using the Ferber method not realizing that a neglected child only stops crying out of depressed resignation, not out of "toughening up." You learn this when you study psychology. Education is good.

I'm not sure what you think specifically is dire about the United States and how it relates to parenting, but I suppose that is another conversation, if there is even one to be had.

 

[AlphaDogg]

Now, I suppose if my Dad (who's 64) bought me a nice Windows laptop for some reason and he thought he was being really great about it, I'd give a nicer reaction, even though that Windows laptop doesn't at all suit my needs vs my MBP.

That means that your dad was a good dad and taught you good morals and didn't spoil you, but you can't blame your daughter's (spoiled) reaction to your nice gesture on anyone but yourself. You parented her and taught her those morals. Who else will you blame?

I smell a troll. Anyone else?

 

[Innes]

As someone suggested, the Dad should "sell his daughter" (I would) and take "Parent Effectiveness Training" (in Texas, of course!).

(Hopefully, the techies take this as a joke!?)

 

[Blue Sun]

/r/firstworldproblems

Glad to see there is another redditor amongst us.

 

[shadowjeff]

I wonder why is everyone calling this girl a brat. That's what i thought at first when i read this thread but actually come to think of it, it's just in a child's nature.

Kids tend to value their prefer their old "toy" more than new ones. Another point is that the white macbook might look catchier to her than the MBA. Not to mention i doubt she brings her laptop out of the house which i think it just negates the point of having a MBA in the first place.

Brats would be kids who want their parents to buy a new toy all the time. OP surprised her with a new MBA and she didn't want it, that doesn't make her a brat.

IMO the OP should get an ipad for her age instead of a macbook since it's more user-friendly and stuff.

 

[sporadicMotion]

What would you suggest for my 13 year old son with Aspergers? He's here for the summer and having a field day with my slightly old tech.

That's pretty exciting! I just sent you a PM.

Tell this to someone who lives on less than $1 a day. Actually, this comprises half of the world.

Yes, that is very true. I should have stated that differently. I am speaking from a north american perspective based on the average.

 

[dmk1974]

I smell a troll. Anyone else?

Huh? How do you mean?

 

[islanders]

I agree with your strategy of upgrading sooner than later. Maybe if you had a mac mini or something for the family where she could use the DVD it would be perfect.

After the refresh they will be a better value for a refurbished one. Maybe see if that's what she wants to do. If not then you should keep her informed about your strategy to upgrade sooner than later and if the MB breaks out of warranty then she won't have a computer for a long while. It's not a threat but the reality of the real world.

Anyway good luck. I agree it's not that big a deal.

 

[dcorban]

I know this reply will seem anachronistic since I am referring to stuff on page one, but the people who suggest Fisher Price computers, or that seven-year-olds should not have a laptop clearly are not familiar with the capabilities of children that age.

My daughter is almost six. She outgrew the toy computers two years ago. She has part time use of a Windows laptop and I let her use my MacBook on occasion. I was seriously considering giving her full possession of my MacBook when I replace it soon.

She has friends who are ages 5-7 that are able to use a full desktop system.

When I was six, I was programming in Apple Basic on my schools Apple II+ computer, and independently loading and playing a variety of games.

 

[singlestick]

I know this reply will seem anachronistic since I am referring to stuff on page one, but the people who suggest Fisher Price computers, or that seven-year-olds should not have a laptop clearly are not familiar with the capabilities of children that age.

My daughter is almost six. She outgrew the toy computers two years ago. She has part time use of a Windows laptop and I let her use my MacBook on occasion. I was seriously considering giving her full possession of my MacBook when I replace it soon.

She has friends who are ages 5-7 that are able to use a full desktop system.

When I was six, I was programming in Apple Basic on my schools Apple II+ computer, and independently loading and playing a variety of games.

Makes sense. As I noted in an earlier post, computers are simply a part of many households. New computers, used computers, perfectly working computers, semi broken down computers. They are not just magically mysterious expensive devices which have to be protected by an "adults only" sign.

It is only reasonable that age appropriate computer use be encouraged.

 

[Kyllle]

$1000 is no longer a lot of money./QUOTE]Tell this to someone who lives on less than $1 a day. Actually, this comprises half of the world.

Exactly what I was thinking.

You could have donated the $1000 to a meaningful organization, maybe one of them that helps poor families in other countries, and the kids in return write a letter to you about how you improved their lives, and it includes a picture of them. My parents do that and it's really touching to see that while you could have bought a nice toy that you would have enjoyed, for the same price, or even less, you could help a whole family buy food and water for many months/years for the same price.

I agree that technology helps kids to learn and is great, but I think your daughter could have learned a lot more from this experience than she would learn from a new computer. It would help her understand that their are many other kids the same age as her that just don't have the basic necessities, and would help her put into perspective how fortunate she is.

I'm not saying that you don't donate money/are greedy, and maybe you already do something like this, which is great if you do, but it's just something to think about. Did she really need that new computer while she already had one she was happy with? Probably not.

 

[sporadicMotion]

Exactly what I was thinking.

You could have donated the $1000 to a meaningful organization, maybe one of them that helps poor families in other countries, and the kids in return write a letter to you about how you improved their lives, and it includes a picture of them. My parents do that and it's really touching to see that while you could have bought a nice toy that you would have enjoyed, for the same price, or even less, you could help a whole family buy food and water for many months/years for the same price.

I agree that technology helps kids to learn and is great, but I think your daughter could have learned a lot more from this experience than she would learn from a new computer. It would help her understand that their are many other kids the same age as her that just don't have the basic necessities, and would help her put into perspective how fortunate she is.

I'm not saying that you don't donate money/are greedy, and maybe you already do something like this, which is great if you do, but it's just something to think about. Did she really need that new computer while she already had one she was happy with? Probably not.

I donate time and money to the needy in my community.

Worry about your own back yard before cleaning up someone else's. This is just a wild can of worms to open. If y'all wanna debate this, start a topic in the community forums.

 

[logandzwon]

I'm curious about why she has a portable at all. Mine will share an iMac.

 

[baryon]

When I was seven, I had no computer, no cell phone, no internet or anything even remotely similar. I had an audio cassette player and that's about it. In fact, I didn't have a computer until 2001, and I didn't have the internet until 2002, by that time I think I was around 14. That was a 996 MHz Dell with a Pentium III and 256 MB of RAM. We still use it, and that way, everyone in our family gets to have their own (albeit crappy, except for me, I'm lucky to have a MacBook Pro) computer.

Tell her that she should be grateful she even has a computer (well, two, now), not to mention a Mac! She can always connect an external DVD player. But she's seven! You should be teaching her new technology, instead of allowing her to rely on DVDs and old technology. Children aren't "used to" old tech, only adults are. She shouldn't be already relying on DVDs. The only excuse one would have would be "Oh but I have tons of DVDs from the early days" or "But I'm used to having physical media". She can't say that!

You need to get her to adapt to the evolving world. She's a child, it should be really easy.

It's also often the case that children don't see the value in what we find valuable. You give her a thin laptop, yet she doesn't care as she sees other things instead. If you gave her a giant diamond to play with, she would probably find it boring and useless. Maybe she would find a paperclip more fun. Kids are hard to understand because they see the world differently, and have different priorities.

Maybe she didn't even need a new computer, as she doesn't need the latest software and the highest performance, or even a thinner laptop... Anyway, kids should not be too reliant on computers just yet! They have a whole life to sit in front of a screen. Now it's time to play with REAL friends (not facebook friends) and REAL things like sand and insects and whatever.

I miss the time of my life when stuff was still real and tangible, where you could actually wonder how things work instead of instantly getting a perfect answer on Wikipedia. Sure, it's useful for adults to get to accurate information quickly, but for children, information they acquire by themselves is infinitely more valuable than information someone gives them as undeniable truth. If I tell you that "2 + 2 = 4 and that's that", you'll learn it but if I explain why and how, you'll get it and you'll be able to do much more by yourself. The internet isn't forcing people to think, it makes people become more lazy and not think about things. It's a good thing too, as it lifts the burden of having to figure things out, leaving more time to do other things. But for kids, there is no need to do such "other things" just yet.

</random nostalgia about childhood>

 

[Kyllle]

I donate time and money to the needy in my community.

Worry about your own back yard before cleaning up someone else's. This is just a wild can of worms to open. If y'all wanna debate this, start a topic in the community forums.

Well you're not the op, but I guess it doesn't matter. Anyways, I guess I expected that response.

But again, I wasn't trying to accuse anyone, just pointing something out. Sorry if I offended you or someone else.

 

[TheReadyPrompt]

I'll put on a dress and call you daddy if I can have the MBA.

(p.s. You folks are in desperate need of a life.)