Roaming Eyes... disrespectful?

wimic

macrumors regular
Original poster
Aug 24, 2006
235
0
calgary, alberta
Okay... so perhaps this is not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be, but a second (or third) opinion is always good.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things are good. He does, however, have a habit of checking out other girls. He tries to make it discreet but I'm so conscious of it that I'm always on the look out for it happening.

I know he's human and that he IS going to find other girls attractive, but I can't help but feel really hurt by it sometimes.

Any comments?
 

rdowns

macrumors Penryn
Jul 11, 2003
27,398
12,409
Agreed. It's hardwired, like shoe shopping is with women. You should worry if he didn't look..
 

calculus

Guest
Dec 12, 2005
4,505
4
wimic said:
Okay... so perhaps this is not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be, but a second (or third) opinion is always good.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things are good. He does, however, have a habit of checking out other girls. He tries to make it discreet but I'm so conscious of it that I'm always on the look out for it happening.

I know he's human and that he IS going to find other girls attractive, but I can't help but feel really hurt by it sometimes.

Any comments?
What exactly is he doing?
 

wimic

macrumors regular
Original poster
Aug 24, 2006
235
0
calgary, alberta
calculus said:
What exactly is he doing?
just looking... slying actually (because he knows i hate it and he doesn't want me to see)... i've mentioned it to him and he's trying to change it.. but it's still there.

he'd never say anything or do anything... i trust that he'll never cheat on me or anything... but i just can't help but feel that he's not satisfied with me and he needs to look elsewhere for his eye candy. :(
 

tvguru

macrumors 6502
Apr 29, 2005
366
32
Kenora, ON Canada
The rules are always you can look, but you can't touch. Seems like he's following the rules. Stop worrying about the little things and enjoy the relationship. At least your boyfriend isn't 15,000km away like I am to my girlfriend. :(
 

Lyle

macrumors 68000
Jun 11, 2003
1,874
0
Madison, Alabama
wimic said:
Any comments?
I've been married for twelve years now, and I still "check out" other women from time to time. :eek:

Try not to take it personally. If he's like most guys, his doing that is no reflection on how he feels about you. Remember, he's with you and not with them. :D
 

deputy_doofy

macrumors 65816
Sep 11, 2002
1,351
91
I'm guessing you're under the age of 30. That's not meant as an insult, but rather it explains the question (if I'm right). All guys look... and will look until we're dead. If he's discreet about it and not doing a never-ending stare in your presence, then you win. If he doesn't take his eyes off of someone else while in your presence, then you have a reason to be angry.
If you constantly make a big deal out of the former, you will find yourself fighting every male in existence, trying to make all males conform to your thinking, rather than simply accepting things for what they really are.
 

beatsme

macrumors 65816
Oct 6, 2005
1,204
1
MovieCutter said:
It's an involuntary response, we can't help it...really. It's hardwired into our brains.
unfortunately, I'd have to agree. It's just something that men do. I wouldn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about it.
 

wimic

macrumors regular
Original poster
Aug 24, 2006
235
0
calgary, alberta
bartelby said:
You've never checked out another guy?
my intent in bringing this up isn't to point fingers... like i said - he's naturally going to be attracted to other women.

i'm not trying to place all the blame... he doesn't have a problem with it so it's not even an issue on his end.

i'm appreciating all the feedback though... i can't say i like him doing it, but at least now i understand that it's not because he's dissatisfied with me.
 

bartelby

macrumors Core
Jun 16, 2004
19,797
4
wimic said:
my intent in bringing this up isn't to point fingers... like i said - he's naturally going to be attracted to other women.

i'm not trying to place all the blame... he doesn't have a problem with it so it's not even an issue on his end.

i'm appreciating all the feedback though... i can't say i appreciate it, but at least now i understand that it's not because he's dissatisfied with me.

Sorry, I could have worded my post WAY better. I wasn't meaning to point fingers either.
I was a clumsily written question.:eek:
 

tvguru

macrumors 6502
Apr 29, 2005
366
32
Kenora, ON Canada
wimic said:
i'm appreciating all the feedback though... i can't say i like him doing it, but at least now i understand that it's not because he's dissatisfied with me.
Well it could be that too. :p

I'm sorry, everyone bash me now so she feels better again. :eek:
 

wimic

macrumors regular
Original poster
Aug 24, 2006
235
0
calgary, alberta
bartelby said:
Sorry, I could have worded my post WAY better. I wasn't meaning to point fingers either.
I was a clumsily written question.:eek:

oh no worries... i took it as more of a retorical (sp?) question anyways. i understand what you were getting at and it's a valid point! :)
 

deputy_doofy

macrumors 65816
Sep 11, 2002
1,351
91
Just to add a bit more, I was recently on vacation with my gf. While on vacation, I saw NUMEROUS slim, built 20-something year olds in bikinis. Yes, you know I looked - and looked all week long. I didn't do it disrespectfully. I wasn't staring with my jaw on the ground while my gf was attempting to talk to me, but my gf knew I was looking... and she was looking too, though the eye candy was mostly female.

Again, I think it's an age/experience thing. The younger one is, the more they complain about this issue. As people mature and realize there's no harm in this, it becomes a non-issue.
 

dsnort

macrumors 68000
Jan 28, 2006
1,904
68
In persona non grata
I check out other women all the time. It doesn't mean I am in any way dissatisfied with my wife, it's just natural to appreciate all beauty, not just the beauty you married.

(That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!)
 

tvguru

macrumors 6502
Apr 29, 2005
366
32
Kenora, ON Canada
wimic said:
wow thanks for the encouraging words.
Sorry, it's almost 4am (stupid mac events ;) ). Doesn't sound like you have a problem though, your on MacRumors must be a cool enough girl. As I said before looking = :) Touching = :mad:
 

wimic

macrumors regular
Original poster
Aug 24, 2006
235
0
calgary, alberta
tvguru said:
Sorry, it's almost 4am (stupid mac events ;) ). Doesn't sound like you have a problem though, your on MacRumors must be a cool enough girl. As I said before looking = :) Touching = :mad:
No worries... it's just a touchy subject for me. the thought of not satisfying my guy in every arena kinda gets to me. i'm super confident when it comes to my intellect, personality and my sense of humor... my compassion and my loyalty, honesty and dedication... but my body has always been something i've struggled with. perhaps that's where the problem originated... with my self doubt... who knows