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Roaming Eyes... disrespectful?

I think this is a definite case where "it ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it". If he glances over as an attractive woman walks by, it's harmless - he probably couldn't stop if he tried! If, on the other hand, he cranes his neck around to get a good look at her bum as she walks by, then fair enough, you have reason to be annoyed.

I have a few female friends who've told me if they're walking hand-in-hand, they can always tell when their boyfriend spots someone attractive as they'll squeeze their hand a little as she walks by. You can just imagine the near-subconscious thought process: "Oooh! She's cute... woops, must not annoy girlfriend, give a reassurance squeeze.." :D
 
this would be a lot easier on you if you realized that guys are ugly and girls are hot.

dont gotta go all lesbo, but cmon, YOU dont find girls attractive?
 
Sdashiki said:
this would be a lot easier on you if you realized that guys are ugly and girls are hot.

dont gotta go all lesbo, but cmon, YOU dont find girls attractive?
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that's half the problem lol (i'm not lesbian by any means... and i AM comfortable with my sexuality) ... that's how i KNOW he finds them attractive... because I do!
 
Sesshi said:
If you're going to stop him looking, you'll have to bring out the garden shears. Unfortunately it's just one of those things.
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Ouch! I felt that...
 
My ex tried pulling this on me. And I told her straight up "If you don't like it, be gone. I have no room for a chick who thinks that a look automatically makes me out to be a bad guy." She stopped after that.

Basically, just because he's not hungry, doesn't mean he can't look at the menu. We're men. Men are naturally supposed to want to hump every woman that comes around. Now, doesn't mean we'll act, but I can honestly say that if an attractive woman walks my way, I will honor her with the "once-over." The female's body should be celebrated. Like Pay-day or free rent. :p
 
Sometimes it feels even more obvious when you're deliberately looking away from an attractive woman in the vicinity. :eek: Sometimes you just can't win!

I tend to make eye contact with all people I walk past on the street, but sometimes my girlfriend takes it the wrong way. I am not a gawker, but I like to see who's around -- both male and female -- and what they're doing. My eye is kind of instinctively drawn to motion, and I feel guilty if my eye is drawn to an attractive woman in that way.

But as the years go by, I think we're meeting halfway on the issue: she's finally accepting that I'm not going to drop her for some random hottie that we pass by on the street, and I'm working on honing my tunnel vision.

She also notices when other women are looking at me, though I usually am blissfully ignorant of such occurances. :cool: Again, I feel my girlfriend is getting more secure, thank goodness.

One time we were walking down a street in New York and I saw some slim, attractive-looking woman walking towards us. I chose to ignore her completely. About 15 seconds after we passed her by, my girlfriend turned to me and said "Did you see that woman? That was Maggie Gyllenhall!" So now I can always say that movie stars don't turn my head, why should some average, run-of-the-mill woman do it?
 
ChrisBrightwell said:
Do you not find other guys attractive?
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I do... like i said in a previous post... I guess it boils down to how secure you are with yourself. Insecure people are bothered by it...

In the same breath - I don't make it obvious if I see someone that i find attractive... although my bf doesn't either.

perhaps i'm a lunatic (?) maybe?? ;)
 
I think it's rude, personally, both to you and to the girl he's looking at if he's really gawping.

I agree with whooleytoo in that if it's a glance, no problem, but a long stare, drooling with his head turning round it is just tacky from the girlfriend, the stared-upon, and passers-by's point of view.

If he's trying to make the effort not to though, that's a good sign. Most of the reason I think it's rude is because it's not paying attention to the company you're with (whether it's a girlfriend or whoever you're having a conversation with) and so if he's trying not to it's a sign he's trying to do the right thing by you.

(Just saw your post above — I agree, it's not like I don't see attractive folk on the street, but I don't feel the need to gawp at them.)
 
It's always okay to browse the menu as long as you return home for dinner. :D
 
As others have said before, looking at girls is hard-coded into our firmware. This firmware is probably long due an overhaul, but until that happens you'll have to learn to not take it personally.

Ask yourself - would you rather he made it obvious and blatantly gawped at all attractive females or that he showed consideration for you by trying to hide what he's doing?

I'd also suggest that if it still bothers you, tell him that you understand he's bound to notice other females and you really don't mind him doing it as long as it's not around you or if he makes it too obvious. That way he might not feel so bad/guilty about doing it, and it will actually become more discreet because he's not worrying so much.
 
wimic said:
In the same breath - I don't make it obvious if I see someone that i find attractive... although my bf doesn't either.
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I (and most men I know) generally have no idea who women find attractive, so it's probably a hell of a lot easier for a woman to disguise!
 
What did Forrest Gump Say..."It Happens"..;)

Honestly, I would think as long as you communicate what you are feeling and he respects it, then you would be better off, however, is it not better to have him act natural in front of you versus not doing it when you are there and then doing it when you are not? There are different folks for everyone the fact that he does it and it bothers you may just be the first sign that you are not "meant to be" - you can fix or change someone. If he does it in a derrogatory way and makes it obvious as if he is all that - ask yourself is that what you want? I agree with the earlier poster who said it is rude...if he is always looking for the next best thing then you would be in for heartache in the future...in the end if you can live with it fine if not then move on. If someone I was with was doing that constantly - I would wonder where their head and heart were especially if I was at the back side of their turning head...;)
 
ziwi said:
There are different folks for everyone the fact that he does it and it bothers you may just be the first sign that you are not "meant to be"
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Sorry but I disagree. It's rude to obviously stare or drool over someone else when you're with your partner, but its perfectly natural and UNAVOIDABLE for males to notice an attractive female.

The kind of men that you think don't look at other females, don't exist. It's just that you don't notice them doing it or that they don't even notice themselves doing it because it's so natural.
 
I agree with everyone who says that it's natural. As long as he's just looking, don't worry about it. My wife and I have always been open and honest with each other about this sort of thing. I know that she finds Matthew McConaughey attractive, and she knows that there are actresses and other regular people that I find attractive. At first we both felt kinda bad, but then we realized that just because we were together, that didn't make others any less attractive. It's really a sign of trust in a relationship where two intimate people can freely identify that they are (physically - looking but not touching) attracted to another person.
 
Lyle said:
I've been married for twelve years now, and I still "check out" other women from time to time. :eek:

Try not to take it personally. If he's like most guys, his doing that is no reflection on how he feels about you. Remember, he's with you and not with them. :D
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We've been married 17 years and she still points out redheads to me.
 
I totally agree with what everyone here's said. But, I have an annoying version of this that I have to deal with all the time. Well, obviously not the jealousy part. Every time I go anywhere with my Dad (he's single, doesn't date much), if a pretty girl walks by, his brain ceases to function for several seconds. He'll stop midsentence and stare hard, and crane his neck as they go by. He'll also have to tell me about the girl, even if I noticed her too. Bloody annoying. I try to tell him to act cool and look discretely, but I don't think he can help it.

Hopefully the original poster's boyfriend isn't that bad :D
 
ChrisWB said:
Embarrassing as hell is more like it! I sympathize with you fully.
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Oh, he's already covered embarrassing when he shows up wearing shorts in the dead of Canadian winter, because he's convinced that women find his legs sexy.

Or if he's forgotten to embarrass me lately, he'll usually make up for it by hitting on whichever 18 year old cashier is serving us. Bonus points if there's a lot of people behind us in line, all having to wait while he chats her up.

Or, if he needs to bring out the big guns, he'll bring up the one time that I met a girl he'd previous chatted up, and say that we're into the same girls, and maybe we should double date.
 
He's making it worse by being uncomfortable about it. It comes off as him feeling guilty about a natural response all guys have. It's much better to talk to him about it and let him know that you're okay with it as long as he doesn't go overboard. Make it into a joke if you can. It's much better to treat this openly and lightheartedly than to bottle up the feelings until it becomes a big fight. My girlfriend and I joke all the time about hot girls I see when we're together. We actually rate them together and it's a really fun bonding experience.
 
topicolo said:
He's making it worse by being uncomfortable about it. It comes off as him feeling guilty about a natural response all guys have. It's much better to talk to him about it and let him know that you're okay with it as long as he doesn't go overboard. Make it into a joke if you can. It's much better to treat this openly and lightheartedly than to bottle up the feelings until it becomes a big fight. My girlfriend and I joke all the time about hot girls I see when we're together. We actually rate them together and it's a really fun bonding experience.
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we actually had a chat about it last night and we're pretty much taking the approach that you outlined. we're making light of it. it's sometimes hard to keep in mind that the person you're with is still human and might have the odd attraction to someone else. thanks for the suggestion - it's great advice!
 
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