Roaming Eyes... disrespectful?

[wimic]

FOR THE PERSON WHO POSTED THID THREAD: If your man is trying so hard to HIDE the fact he is checking out other women when he is with you...think about when you are NOT around! I think it is a little ridiculous men feel the need to check out every hot girl. It just makes a guy look desperate. Just because men are WIRED to do this doesn't mean it's a cool thing to do. JMO

I absolutely agree... it's just that from the responses I got to my post, it seems that most people were pretty much telling me to suck it up. I don't like it, appreciate it or condone it. But - at least I can understand it (... can't I?)

 

[jamone80]

not trying to be rude when i say this but....."this thread is still up?"

 

[macartistkel]

I absolutely agree... it's just that from the responses I got to my post, it seems that most people were pretty much telling me to suck it up. I don't like it, appreciate it or condone it. But - at least I can understand it (... can't I?)

Yeah, I can understand it if this guy doesn't really care about his girlfriend.

If this girl is bothered by something she needs to either address it to him personally or LEAVE his dumb a** because later on down the road (for example, say 5 1/2 years) all the guy is going to say to her is that she is "just a jealous bitch". F*** that, I'll never be with a dude that feels the need to have his eyes wander...I will stay alone forever before ever deal with this **** again in my life.

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you want to be with me, your with me."

 

[MarkCollette]

If this girl is bothered by something she needs to either address it to him personally or LEAVE his dumb a** because later on down the road (for example, say 5 1/2 years) all the guy is going to say to her is that she is "just a jealous bitch". F*** that, I'll never be with a dude that feels the need to have his eyes wander...I will stay alone forever before ever deal with this **** again in my life.

That's utterly hilarious! This is actually the nonsense that my ex-gf was saying, until I explained to her how it really is a jealousy problem of hers. Riiiiiight... you'll choose to be alone forever, instead of just accepting something that all guys have in common... More like, no guy will stick around in such an insane situation, given that the majority of women don't suffer from that problem.

But, I do agree that they should still talk about it. I just think that it would be so the jealous party could see the light of day...

 

[macartistkel]

That's utterly hilarious! This is actually the nonsense that my ex-gf was saying, until I explained to her how it really is a jealousy problem of hers. Riiiiiight... you'll choose to be alone forever, instead of just accepting something that all guys have in common... More like, no guy will stick around in such an insane situation, given that the majority of women don't suffer from that problem.

But, I do agree that they should still talk about it. I just think that it would be so the jealous party could see the light of day...

Ok, I might have gotten a little carried away from some recent anger and pain about a personal situation of mine. BUT I assure you that I am not jealous of ANYONE, especially of the girl I was accused of being jealous of---never in a million years would that be the case. I had a problem about my feelings not being respected.

But fine, I guess I am supposed to accept the fact that men cannot control themselves! Riiight!

 

[MarkCollette]

But fine, I guess I am supposed to accept the fact that men cannot control themselves! Riiight!

Of course men can control themselves, in that we can choose how far we take our attraction to other women. We can choose to look for a second, for a minute, or go talk to them, or whatever.

I'm a firm believer that more knowledge is better. Would you actually want your guy to be clueless in a social situation due to him electing to somehow not noticing all the women milling about? How would that even work functionally?

You: Isn't that Tammy from down the street?
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Was everyone dressed casual or business casual, so I'll know which dress to where.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Have you seen Betty? She might have a job lead for me.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.
You: She's the brunette wearing the gold coloured top.
Him: I avoid looking at women's chest area, so I don't know.
You: She's wearing a knee length skirt...
Him: I don't look at women's asses or legs, so I don't really know who's wearing a skirt.

And then there's the straight simple fact that pretty women make us feel better when we see them. It's like nature's free medicine. Not seeing them would noticeably reduce our quality of life. Why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you look down on anyone for that?

 

[macartistkel]

Of course men can control themselves, in that we can choose how far we take our attraction to other women. We can choose to look for a second, for a minute, or go talk to them, or whatever.

I'm a firm believer that more knowledge is better. Would you actually want your guy to be clueless in a social situation due to him electing to somehow not noticing all the women milling about? How would that even work functionally?

You: Isn't that Tammy from down the street?
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Was everyone dressed casual or business casual, so I'll know which dress to where.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Have you seen Betty? She might have a job lead for me.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.
You: She's the brunette wearing the gold coloured top.
Him: I avoid looking at women's chest area, so I don't know.
You: She's wearing a knee length skirt...
Him: I don't look at women's asses or legs, so I don't really know who's wearing a skirt.

And then there's the straight simple fact that pretty women make us feel better when we see them. It's like nature's free medicine. Not seeing them would noticeably reduce our quality of life. Why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you look down on anyone for that?

Hi Mark, I have to say I do enjoy reading your responses on this matter! Your right about the examples you posted and you made some good points! I gues I was thinking more along the lines of rude behavior when men "check out" women. There are some men that take it too far. I flew around the country last week and was in a lot of airports. Sometimes I could blatently feel some men staring at me. OMG, and I hate when men look directly at my chest too, LOL. It is the most awkward feeling and I feel pretty secure right now about how I look. Oh well, men and women are completely different about stuff. It is just a fact. I still want my future man to not have a wandering eye. Is that too much to ask!

This thread just made me think of something funny. This happened in the 80's but I was on vacation one time with my family and there was a woman walking down the beach with a thong on (I am talking about the 80's here because I own a bathing suit thong now and it is not a big deal these days but then it was the biggest deal) but anyway, my dad (who has to be one of the most loyal men in the world to my mom) grabbed me and said we needed to run down the beach and look at these sailboats. Basically HE USED me to get a glimpse of what the bathing suit might look like in the FRONT! Let's just put it this way--HE wasn't alone. I noticed even at a young age how many men were going out of there way running dow the beach to watch this woman the whole time she walked! That is just a little ridiculous??!! I also read about a scientific study on how pretty women can cause guys to make bad decisions. So yes, I agree with you that men are WIRED...but I don't have to like it!!

 

[slimflem]

Okay... so perhaps this is not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be, but a second (or third) opinion is always good.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things are good. He does, however, have a habit of checking out other girls. He tries to make it discreet but I'm so conscious of it that I'm always on the look out for it happening.

I know he's human and that he IS going to find other girls attractive, but I can't help but feel really hurt by it sometimes.

Any comments?

It sounds like you are insecure.

 

[sushi]

Seeing a beautiful woman is akin to getting an eye massage...

...pure heaven!

Of course when out with the wife/GF/SO, one must be careful not to disrespect her!

 

[0098386]

I look at a few but it's more a "what the hell is she wearing!" when walking around wearing something resembling an iMac as a hat or with hair that would normally be classed as a weapon... just inquisitive . I just don't look at other girls like that anymore. My eyes are massaged enough

I was on the bus once and saw a couple sat in front who were both hugged and cuddling and stuff. She was really into him and vice versa, or so it seemed. I noticed the guy kept staring at other girls, not in a discreet way either, actually trying to look at them until they were out of sight completely. I just found that a little wrong, especially when this girl was clearly loved up with him.

ah well.

 

[juicedus]

I do... like i said in a previous post... I guess it boils down to how secure you are with yourself. Insecure people are bothered by it...

In the same breath - I don't make it obvious if I see someone that i find attractive... although my bf doesn't either.

I don't get it. You can discretely look at guys, but you've tuned your senses to notice that your guy looks at girls, even when he tries to look discretely.


Is he a person that just notices people, regardless of sex? Maybe you're only noticing the girls he's looking at and not the guys.

I think its something that you need to resolve within yourself. You can't ask your b/f to act a certain way and then go and act in a manner that he can't.

 

[devilot]

It [looking at other people] doesn't bother me at all, because I know she's not going to leave me and I know that there are other people more attractive than me.

<snip> Aren't there other things that hold the relationship together?

Well said.

I'm just trying to communicate why I personally find it rude — it's not because of some insecurity, but because I think it's rude not to be paying attention to who you're with (be it a friend or a partner).

I also agree with this. It is about being present with whomever you might be with.

...under certain circumstances, we can take that extra step to not look, to be extra comforting to a person we're with.

I also agree with this. I think any successful relationship, whether romantic/intimate/platonic will have some compromises. I believe that there has to be some push and pull, some give and some take. It's not too much to ask to be aware of yourself and give your attention to whomever you're hanging out with or slightly curb some behaviors that can be seen as rude or hurtful.

That said, I check out more women than my boyfriend does. I have issues not with him glancing at other women, but at motorcycles.

 

[revenuee]

that's a better approach to take in my opinion... if you're open and honest about it then it doesn't seem like you have ulterior motives.

I desire and have created a life in which i surround myself by beauty. The women that enter my life know this because that is how they entered into it in the first place.

i always walk up to strange women. flirt with waitresses or other servers, even when out with another women. most importantly i introduce the two women to each other. VERY powerful way to live your lives.

 

[TimDaddy]

So, he's into pretty women, and he's still with you. That confirms that you are a pretty woman. Sometimes I wish I'd catch my wife checking out bald dudes!

 

[MarkCollette]

Hi Mark, I have to say I do enjoy reading your responses on this matter! Your right about the examples you posted and you made some good points! I gues I was thinking more along the lines of rude behavior when men "check out" women. There are some men that take it too far. I flew around the country last week and was in a lot of airports. Sometimes I could blatently feel some men staring at me. OMG, and I hate when men look directly at my chest too, LOL. It is the most awkward feeling and I feel pretty secure right now about how I look. Oh well, men and women are completely different about stuff. It is just a fact. I still want my future man to not have a wandering eye. Is that too much to ask!

You know, I think it's a fine line between different looks. Most of the time I just do the discreet look thing. But sometimes (when I'm single), I give a slightly hungry and desirous look that I think is still on the good side, and not falling into the nasty learing side. And women seem to be quite happy receiving it. I think that somehow our faces can convey our intentions pretty well. Like, mine will project "damn, she is a goddess" whereas maybe the learing guy projects "I'd pork her 'til she pukes fetuses".

This thread just made me think of something funny. This happened in the 80's but I was on vacation one time with my family and there was a woman walking down the beach with a thong on (I am talking about the 80's here because I own a bathing suit thong now and it is not a big deal these days but then it was the biggest deal) but anyway, my dad (who has to be one of the most loyal men in the world to my mom) grabbed me and said we needed to run down the beach and look at these sailboats. Basically HE USED me to get a glimpse of what the bathing suit might look like in the FRONT! Let's just put it this way--HE wasn't alone. I noticed even at a young age how many men were going out of there way running dow the beach to watch this woman the whole time she walked! That is just a little ridiculous??!! I also read about a scientific study on how pretty women can cause guys to make bad decisions. So yes, I agree with you that men are WIRED...but I don't have to like it!!

Well, at least your Dad could control his motor functions in that situation.

I have no idea if this is a me thing or a guy thing, but sometimes I just have to know how pretty a girl is. It's not because I need to stop and mentally maturbate to anyone's imagery, or anything like that. I just need to know what they look like. And I'm not thinking about it afterwards or anything. Maybe it serves some kind of evolutionary purpose or something. Like, I have to look at couples, and see how they fit, and that tells me how pretty I should be aiming for myself. And knowing what a pretty upperbound, lowerbound and average are, can guide me or something? I don't know, I'm guessing why, because it's not a concious choice, it's a kind of impulse.

 

[macartistkel]

You know, I think it's a fine line between different looks. Most of the time I just do the discreet look thing. But sometimes (when I'm single), I give a slightly hungry and desirous look that I think is still on the good side, and not falling into the nasty learing side. And women seem to be quite happy receiving it. I think that somehow our faces can convey our intentions pretty well. Like, mine will project "damn, she is a goddess" whereas maybe the learing guy projects "I'd pork her 'til she pukes fetuses".

I have been around the learing men in situations before and it is a little uncomfortable to me. The perverts probably believe I like it for some reason!

Yeah, i have to say that YOU have a more tasteful approach about it! lol