Roaming Eyes... disrespectful?

[Chundles]

Sounds like a big dose of mistrust and paranoia.

Are you honestly that insecure in your relationship that you consider looking at other women a threat? It's what we do, we're not saying "geeze you're crap I'm going to look at that other woman instead" we're saying "I'm going to look at that woman," there's nothing there that says he would even consider being unfaithful so just LET IT GO and stop being so paranoid.

The final episode of the first season of Coupling (the proper, British version) had a situation of a girlfriend discovering that her boyfriend still watches porn, he summed it up perfectly in a frustrated speech at a dinner party:



Jill: [about the film "Lesbian Spank Inferno"] How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the Internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.

 

[wimic]

Sounds like a big dose of mistrust and paranoia.

Are you honestly that insecure in your relationship that you consider looking at other women a threat? It's what we do, we're not saying "geeze you're crap I'm going to look at that other woman instead" we're saying "I'm going to look at that woman," there's nothing there that says he would even consider being unfaithful so just LET IT GO and stop being so paranoid.

The final episode of the first season of Coupling (the proper, British version) had a situation of a girlfriend discovering that her boyfriend still watches porn, he summed it up perfectly in a frustrated speech at a dinner party:



Jill: [about the film "Lesbian Spank Inferno"] How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the Internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.

I appreciate your comments, and no - I'm not paranoid. As far as the porn goes - I completely understand... I enjoy it too, in fact. Different relationships have different dynamics that call for different feelings and different reactions. Thanks for the quote too - I had a good laugh at that

 

[Chundles]

I appreciate your comments, and no - I'm not paranoid. As far as the porn goes - I completely understand... I enjoy it too, in fact. Different relationships have different dynamics that call for different feelings and different reactions. Thanks for the quote too - I had a good laugh at that

Just saying that worrying about a man looking at other women is a total waste of time and you should just let it go.

 

[JRM PowerPod]

Don't give him any for a week(make sure you look sex-i-fied everytime) and see how much his eyes roam then.





Bless

Thats a stupid idea, atleast you wouldnt have to worry about his eyes wandering anymore, it would be something else you would have to worry about

 

[Sun Baked]

I think you'd have a bigger problem if he stopped checking the gals out, and started drooling over the guys.

 

[Abstract]

You look at other hot men. You know it. We know it. You didn't want to finger-point before, but you do look, and you probably do so involuntarily.

dress a little sexier. maybe his eyes will wander over to you.

Have a super-realistic drawing of a Ferrari on your breasts. He'll look.

 

[spicyapple]

I think you'd have a bigger problem if he stopped checking the gals out, and started drooling over the guys.

So true, Sun Baked.

Guys will be guys, so feeling disrespected is more an indication of where your self-esteem lies, than it is about him checking out the other girls.

 

[Lau]

Guys will be guys, so feeling disrespected is more an indication of where your self-esteem lies, than it is about him checking out the other girls.

I disagree — I find a long stare rude whether I'm with a friend or a boyfriend. It's the same feeling as when someone's watching TV while you're trying to talk to them or looking over your shoulder during a conversation. To me it's a common courtesy thing than a "OMG they fancy her more than me" thing.

 

[whooleytoo]

Guys will be guys, so feeling disrespected is more an indication of where your self-esteem lies, than it is about him checking out the other girls.

In some cases yes, in some cases NOOOOOOOO!

One of my work colleagues got really drunk one night when we were out with friends and starting trying to chat-up my sister. He was in mid-sentence telling her (in rather graphic detail) how sexy he thought she looked, when he stopped dead mid-sentence to watch a girl walk by, complete with facial gestures and "phoarr!" sounds, then turned back to complete the 'seduction'. Amazingly enough, she didn't buy it. Maybe she's too insecure...

 

[cait-sith]

I disagree — I find a long stare rude whether I'm with a friend or a boyfriend. It's the same feeling as when someone's watching TV while you're trying to talk to them or looking over your shoulder during a conversation. To me it's a common courtesy thing than a "OMG they fancy her more than me" thing.

Yes but as it's been said like 10 times in this thread, we're not talking about long gawks. We're talking about quick glances.

 

[revenuee]

I usually look and then make a comment about whether the girl is pretty or not -- or what i found attractive -- and usually get the girl i'm with to tell me what she thinks.

I hide nothing

 

[wimic]

I usually look and then make a comment about whether the girl is pretty or not -- or what i found attractive -- and usually get the girl i'm with to tell me what she thinks.

I hide nothing

that's a better approach to take in my opinion... if you're open and honest about it then it doesn't seem like you have ulterior motives.

 

[rogersmj]

This reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond called "Boob Job" where Debra sort of manipulated Ray into saying he wouldn't mind if she got breast implants after they saw a woman with some at a party. Ray goes away on a business trip for a few days, and when he comes back Debra's chest is much larger. "Wow, you know...one time, I went away and you had the driveway sealed. And I was sort of turned on by that. But this..." He is shocked that she did it at first, but then warms up to the idea when she starts acting sexy and wants to, uh, show them to him. At the last second, she yanks a couple of socks out of her nightie and throws them at Ray, angry because he believed that she got a boob job and he was happy about it.

(paraphrasing some of this)

Debra: "You're a jerk!" <throws socks>
Ray: "Wha...?"
Debra: "Bet you're really disappointed now, huh?"
Ray: "I'm not disappointed, I'm scared."
Debra: "You really thought I'd get implants for you!?!"
Ray: "You said you did!"
Debra: "I did not! I just stuffed some socks in there and you assumed I did..."
Ray: "I was being supportive! What, you want to get work done and then have me say I don't like it?"
Debra: "You'd like that, would you? If I got implants, because you like breasts. BIG breasts."
Ray: "Yeaaaaah, and a nice butt too! Oooh, I'm SICK!"

The whole point of the episode was that Ray loved Debra exactly as she was, but because of a guy's nature he can't NOT like things like that.

My fiance and I have been together for almost eight years and are soon getting married. We're young, which I mention because this tends to be more of an issue for younger people, but we're fine with each other glancing at others just because it's natural. As someone else said, being in love with someone doesn't automatically make other people less physically attractive; it's how you handle those observations that count. For example, the other day I was at my fiance's apartment and walked by the sliding glass door, and she saw me glance down at the pool for a moment because something caught my eye. She asked, "What's out there?" I said, "There's a hot girl sunbathing by the pool." "Oh yeah?" And that's the end of it. Unless she asks me what she was wearing or some crap like that

The point is, we're very secure and I know that as long as I don't go gawking, craning my neck around and actively looking for other women, she doesn't have any problem with it at all. And it's not unusual for her to be watching a TV show or something and I'll be sitting next to her reading and I'll hear a little "Ooo" sound when she sees a guy who she thinks is really hot. It doesn't bother me at all, because I know she's not going to leave me and I know that there are other people more attractive than me.

I think if you try to totally restrict your bf/gf/husband/wife from looking at all, I think that's sort of living your relationship in a lie. I think that's saying that your physical attraction is the only strong bond between you, and therefore if he/she even looks at someone else then it's a severe threat to the stability of your relationship. Aren't there other things that hold the relationship together? That's how I feel about all this.

 

[wimic]

I think that's saying that your physical attraction is the only strong bond between you, and therefore if he/she even looks at someone else then it's a severe threat to the stability of your relationship. Aren't there other things that hold the relationship together? That's how I feel about all this.

Very Well Said mrogers. It's funny how much talking to people can open your eyes about certain issues. it's good to know that other people have dealt with this kind of thing before and have come up with constructive ways to handle it. i appreciate you taking the time to respond so thoroughly.

 

[Lau]

Yes but as it's been said like 10 times in this thread, we're not talking about long gawks. We're talking about quick glances.

And I said I wasn't bothered by a glance in my earlier post...

I'm just trying to communicate why I personally find it rude — it's not because of some insecurity, but because I think it's rude not to be paying attention to who you're with (be it a friend or a partner). Hence I don't think glances are rude — I might look at an interesting looking poster or whatever, but not be completely consumed by it and ignore the person I'm with.

 

[savar]

You should worry if he didn't look..

Agreed. This is the best way to think about it.

Be happy that you get all the good stuff and they get nothing more than a look.

 

[Abulia]

My wife and I kinda joke about this. Last night, during the Saints game they did a closeup of the crowd and two ladies at the game. My wife remarked that they were "hot," to which I agreed.

Sometimes I'll catch her checking out a guy or getting frisky during a movie/show and it's okay. My attitude is one of "he's so hot I'd do him!"

Beauty is all around us, everyday. Enjoy it.

 

[TMA]

As already said before...

Women are more attractive to men then men are to women. It's nature at work.

 

[tobefirst ⚽️]

It's always okay to browse the menu as long as you return home for dinner.

I thought the quote was, "it's always okay to browse the menu as long as you bring enough home for everyone."

 

[2nyRiggz]

Thats a stupid idea, atleast you wouldnt have to worry about his eyes wandering anymore, it would be something else you would have to worry about

It was a joke..you know he he ha ha...chill out fella. If it goes that far for the guy to have sex with another just because would mean he was not worth it in the first place.




Bless

 

[cait-sith]

I'm just trying to communicate why I personally find it rude — it's not because of some insecurity, but because I think it's rude not to be paying attention to who you're with (be it a friend or a partner). Hence I don't think glances are rude — I might look at an interesting looking poster or whatever, but not be completely consumed by it and ignore the person I'm with.

I'll agree to that. But you'd have to be a real jerk to stare at a woman when you're with your gf.

 

[Abstract]

I thought the quote was, "it's always okay to browse the menu as long as you bring enough home for everyone."

No, Jay42's quote sounds more likely to be correct. Yours sounds like some weird family orgy with some strange girl you just picked up.

that's a better approach to take in my opinion... if you're open and honest about it then it doesn't seem like you have ulterior motives.

But if you're looking at a hot girl and you need to do something like ask your girlfriend or female friend what she thinks of her, it IS a different approach, but just a bad cover. You can only use this one so many time, I think.

Very Well Said mrogers.

Wow, agree entirely. Very well said.


Game over. This thread is finished.

 

[amateurmacfreak]

I wouldn't worry about it. What matters is that he's with you.

I find some females attractive, and I am straight. It's just... natural. Of course, then, I also find some males attractive.

If he's trying to be discreet, it's just natural. Don't worry about it.

 

[MarkCollette]

I've found in the past that if I'm at say, a coffee shop, on a date with a girl, then I'll get extra distracted by people coming and going. Not so much checking out the girls, as just having to see who's coming in, be they male or female. I read once that this is typical, and that a simple solution is for the guy to face away from the entrance. So, I always do that, and I find that girls are noticeably more comfortable because of that.

I guess what my example is trying to illustrate, is that under certain circumstances, we can take that extra step to not look, to be extra comforting to a person we're with.

 

[macartistkel]

I check out other women all the time. It doesn't mean I am in any way dissatisfied with my wife, it's just natural to appreciate all beauty, not just the beauty you married.

(That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!)

I find that hard to believe with how you said it, BUT I'll let you stick with your story! I need to ask you this question...would your wife appreciate you if she heard you say "I check out other women all the time." No offense, but I find that remark very disrespectful if I was with someone who said it, regardless of how you feel.

FOR THE PERSON WHO POSTED THID THREAD: If your man is trying so hard to HIDE the fact he is checking out other women when he is with you...think about when you are NOT around! I think it is a little ridiculous men feel the need to check out every hot girl. It just makes a guy look desperate. Just because men are WIRED to do this doesn't mean it's a cool thing to do. JMO