Resolved (Some) Fat people's attitude

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by KnightWRX, Sep 6, 2011.

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  1. KnightWRX, Sep 6, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2011

    KnightWRX macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #1
    I've mentionned a few times that I shed a lot of weight last year, having taken my life into my hands and made a few changes after getting educated about weight, fitness and health. There's one thing however that I don't understand : Fat people's attitude towards me. I don't mean fat people who have no clue I lost the weight I did (now sporting a healthy BMI of around 21-22), I mean those I left behind in the realm of the close to and/or morbidly obese.

    Often, at work, when we're eating, they'll jape me about the food I eat (salads with good protein sources like fish/chicken, lots of vegetables and fruits, low fat cheeses, whole grains in moderate portions), which inevitably starts a conversation about calories around the table and then these guys get pissed at me and call me a preacher. WTF. You're asking the questions here, half-kidding, I'm answering, how the heck am I preaching ?

    So I tell them if they don't want to hear about it, they can just stop bringing it up. This inevitably leads to a "the weight he lost seems to have gone with his sense of humor" and by then it completely goes south.

    Other times, like when we have to work overtime at work and someone brings in unhealthy snacks like donuts/chips and other crap, if I even dare pick something up and eat it, I can expect the japes again "how many calories in that donut ? How many calories in those chips ?" or of course the inevitable "Hey, look at me, I'm eating 3 donuts, how many calories is that ?".

    WTF, seriously, WTF is up with them ? I don't give a crap what you eat and that you're fat. If you ask questions on how it I lost weight and stuff, I will answer, don't get mad and call me a preacher for answering your questions. And what is with the making fun of someone eating and living healthy ? Is it something to be laughed at ?

    Maybe I should start making fun of them because they're fat or something ? Ah the joys of the high road... :rolleyes:
     
  2. Chundles macrumors G4

    Chundles

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  3. eawmp1 macrumors 601

    eawmp1

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    #3
    It's a defense mechanism. Unless someone is ready to confront the personal responsibility of his/her bad choices, you are just a reminder of those bad choices.
     
  4. KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #4
    Shouldn't it be that I'm an example that those bad choices can be fixed ? Especially one of them who's now struggling to find the cause of some weaknesses and black outs he started having in the last 2 years... (which coincides with a noticeable weight gain on his part and his starting of playing WoW and dropping sports).

    If I could do it, anyone can is how I see this. So I really don't get the ridicule these people throw my way. If you're not happy that I did it, at least just don't mention it or ask questions if you don't want to talk about it and be reminded of it.
     
  5. eawmp1 macrumors 601

    eawmp1

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    #5
    You are and example of the WORK it would take.
    Your existence is a repudiation of their lifestyle, and by extension, them.

    Many ex smokers and ex drinkers often try and sabotage their friends who have quit. "Come on. You can just have one..."

    For some it's easier to devalue other's achievements than face their own faults/shortcomings.
     
  6. iLucas macrumors 6502

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    #6
    I have not lost any weight like OP but I feel this exact way at work. I eat healthy and they give me the same crap

    I have gotten to where i eat by myself at work because of the crap my coworkers give me. They have a mindset of eating everything and that it does not cause any health problems and i disagree with them.
     
  7. maflynn Moderator

    maflynn

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    #7
    When you disagree with them, do you tell them that the food selection is unhealthy or do you let them be and eat?

    I've lost a fair amount of weight years ago and one thing I found early on was that most people don't like to hear how many calories a given food item is, or how unhealthy it is.

    If an adult wants to have a bag of chips and a coke, let them. You don't need to be their conscience.
     
  8. iLucas macrumors 6502

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    #8
    I have let them be for a long time now. When i got my job 2 years ago at first I told them it was unhealthy but no matter what i would say they would continue eating what they wanted. I agree with what you're saying.
     
  9. KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #9
    Then why do they ask ? I know they are japing, but why ask and not expect an answer ?

    If they initiate the subject, they have lost any chance they had to not get an answer about how many calories is in their coke or chips. I can't sit there and really guess if people are being serious or not, I don't have time.

    If you don't want to get answers to your questions, don't ask them. And if you're asking them in jape, why are you even making fun of someone that is eating healthy ?

    That's the point really. I don't talk about it unless someone talks to me about it first. Then they get mad and push the ridicule up a notch or two and make sure to add more the next time.
     
  10. h1r0ll3r macrumors 68040

    h1r0ll3r

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    #10
    Jealousy :) I'm sure they've tried or thought about trying to lose weight and every opportunity failed. So, they have probably admitted defeat and will be fat forever since they lack the drive to make that healthy change in their life.

    I lost a significant amount of weight awhile back (around 90 lbs.) and it felt great. However other fatties I would come in contact with would pretty much act the same way your peeps are. Instead of taking the high road like you, I took the low, much more entertaining road and called them out on being so fat. They didn't like it. Subsequently, I don't speak to them any more (aww..:()

    Since these people are co-workers I wouldn't recommend you take the same path I did. It's trickier in the workplace for obvious reasons but just act normal. They're going to be fat forever so you can be happy in knowing you'll out live them.
     
  11. MacDawg macrumors P6

    MacDawg

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    #11
    I would not normally "weigh in" on such a discussion, but your comments about 'why do they ask if they don't expect an answer' compels me to

    I would offer my opinion, and my opinion only, that this has as much to do about your attitude as it does their's. I realize that it isn't totally one sided, and I have experienced some of the same things you have... however, based on your experiences here on the board... the reactions you have to other posters, your comments, the way you have a tendency to incite, antagonize and alienate others... lends itself to the belief that your attitude is as much to blame as their's.

    I don't mean that as a shot, but as a genuine observation, so take it for what its worth
     
  12. KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #12
    They know my attitude, these are my co-workers. People on the board are discussing a subject, I discuss it with them. Also, I do not berrate my co-workers about their weight, like I wouldn't do it to someone on the board like I do for people who post blatanly ignorant comments about tech and domains where I can correct misinformation.

    And again, I do not bring it up unless they specifically ask me questions about it or make funny comments because I dare eat a donut. If they really don't want to hear about it, they can shut up about it themselves (something I've told them in a much more polite way before).

    I don't start discussions on this board to "berate" or "antagonize" others, so I don't see why I would do it in real life. Thus I don't understand where my "attitude" comes into it. It's simple really, they don't want to hear about it, they can shush about it and keep their japes and half-trick questions to themselves.
     
  13. boss.king macrumors 68040

    boss.king

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    #13
    I've been getting into shape recently, and so I've been avoiding all the crap food I used to eat. People (mainly overweight) give me a lot of crap about eating like a girl, weightwatchers (which I'm not on so wtf), and I've figured it's just the way they justify eating junk. The only time I'll ever lecture a person on what they eat is if they try belittle me for looking after myself. I also happen to notice it's mainly chubby women who make fun of me (just an observation, not trying to start any arguments).
     
  14. KnightWRX, Sep 6, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2011

    KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #14
    Yeah, I guess it's just my attitude doing it :rolleyes: (sorry MacDawg, but you deserved it for not reading my post. I don't actively start these conversations, hence I don't even get how my attitude factors into it, aside from escalating the issue if they really press me).

    Weight Watchers... now that is an interesting point. One of the fat guys who makes the most fun of me talks to me about his GF's Weight Watcher program and the point system they have. To which I just reply "how does that even work ? Losing weight is based on calories, not arbitrary points. A muffin is 30 points, yet a muffin can vary from 250 - 500 calories depending on fat content and actual mass". But of course, then he just laughs at me because I dared hold a conversation about it and his GF for trying. WTF, why did you even bother to talk to me about it if you didn't want to hold a discussion on it ?
     
  15. wpotere Guest

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    #15
    Not trying to be a butt, but so far it does sound like your attitude that is causing it. I am in shape and I am a gym rat and I have a lot of people that ask me questions about what I eat daily and I try to educate them. What I don't do is make it sound preachy or talk down to them which, from your own posts, it sounds like you are doing. WW has been around for a long time and does work, there are some rules to that "muffin" that you were talking about and for you to question it basically made it sound like what they were doing was pointless. Sure, there are better ways to do it but some people need that support that goes along with it. Bottom line, give them some kudos for at least trying then help them understand how they can do it faster and healthier.

    You are actually in a great position to help someone. They see that you have lost the weight and are getting fit and openly ask questions about it. What you should do is remember what you did and how hard it was for you then try to help them understand that hard work and discipline is needed to get there.
     
  16. torbjoern macrumors 65816

    torbjoern

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    #16
    Working out and eating healthy food is too much hassle for many people. It's uncomfortable to get sweaty, and it's painful to fight one's cravings for food that contains a lot of energy (calories from fat and sugar). Indolence and gluttony are stemming from deep and inherited instincts of human beings, and if it wasn't for that, maybe none of us would be here. However, it's ridiculous to not take responsibility for one's own health, and especially to use the word "preacher" about those who do.
     
  17. KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #17
    How am I supposed to answer someone "asking" : "Hey, how many calories in the french fries HAHAHAHA, you must miss this yummy grease and sugar HUMMMMM SO GOOD!".

    And why would it be my attitude that's in problem if I just answer with a straight forward : "Usually, such a portion of fries will have around 600 calories, the ketchup isn't the biggest part as Heinz ketchup is 20 calories per tbsp, it's the oil they're cook in, as potatoes tend to absorb grease very well".

    What bad attitude did I display there ? Yet then follows the inevitable : "Why do you always preach and discuss this stuff while we're eating ?". WTF... He asked, I answered (usually politely too, though I'm kind of getting fed up about it).

    Happy to hear your experience is different, but it's gotten to the point where the only thing I can do is sit there silent and let them ridicule me and all I eat. Should I just do that ?
     
  18. wpotere Guest

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    #18
    Simple, you don't.... He is trying to get a rise out of you and succeeded. By answering you are simply giving into the conversation and then it sounds like you are preaching with your reponse. I would simply respond with "when you are ready to have a serious discussion about your health come see me" and leave it at that. If he continues, you just walk away. The problem with people like that is they are threatened by your accomplishment and you are a reminder of what they aren't. Eventually he might have a serious question that he will approach you with. However, the above is nothing but them making fun of you and it wasn't a question at all. I have run into a few folks like that and I even had one guy put donuts on my desk as a joke. I took the entire box and put them in the trash. He was pissed as I tossed them all but got the point that I will not tolerate his ignorance.

    BTW, the guy with the donuts is now in the gym and super fit. People can change...
     
  19. torbjoern macrumors 65816

    torbjoern

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    #19
    Seems they don't want to know about the calories, so you can just tell them that next time they ask. I mean, tell them that they don't want to know. And perhaps tell them that the food is suitable for them anyway (eating junk - behaving like trash).
     
  20. KnightWRX, Sep 6, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2011

    KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #20
    I know he doesn't want the answer, but I was thinking my way of just answering seriously would put them off and show them how ridicule their comments are. It also seems the high road. I didn't want to go low with comments like "You don't really care, just look at yourself" thinking that would just escalate the situation but yet, staying there silent doesn't feel right either. It validates their bullying.

    I guess it's my attitude. Maybe I should just walk away. The problem is, there's other people around the table with whom I like to discuss (about politics, local happenings and other subjects).

    I guess I was seeing just answering in a straightforward and objective manner a way to diffuse the conversation. I don't want to let him get a rise out of me for the ridicule, hence why I usually keep it to passive, objective answers rather than get into a heated debate.

    Last time it came up (a couple of weeks ago), it was about a donut. I didn't throw it in the trash though, I ate it. He started cheering and saying I was on my way to becoming "normal" again. I told him it was only 200 calories and that I had a light lunch/breakfeast in anticipation of the overtime we were doing and the eventual junk we'd have laying around. Maybe I should really just stop and ignore him, but then I don't like being made fun of, not in a negative way (I can take a friendly jape/dish them out like the rest of them, but all this focus on weight seems negative, especially when you berate me over it, yet are fat with a GF that's trying and failing).
     
  21. torbjoern macrumors 65816

    torbjoern

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    #21
    Just make it a question instead, like: "do you expect me to believe that you truly care?" and if they actually say "yes" to that, you can refer to their behavior as described.
     
  22. MacDawg macrumors P6

    MacDawg

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    #22
    Weight and weight loss is a very personal thing for people because it can be fundamental to their self esteem, how they value themselves and calculate their own self worth in light of how others treat them. As one who has traveled this path 4 times in my lifetime (70 pounds or more) and who is over halfway through the 5th time down, I can attest to the hard work, discipline and time that it takes.

    Consistency + Time = Results

    Most programs work if they combine some form of healthy eating and moderate movement and exercise
    Some work better than others, but each of us has to find our own balance
    Education on nutrition and exercise is helpful, but has to be a personal choice

    What works for me isn't always the best path for others
    Their path might not be the path for me
    But we all tend to believe our way is best, whether it comes to diet and nutrition, exercise or even computers

    I have chosen to react graciously to jabs, jokes and snide comments
    And if someone has a serious inquiry, I discuss the choices I have made for myself and the reasons for them, but I avoid discussing their personal choices on food and exercise (or lack thereof). I can only tell them about my experiences, not how they should make choices on fries, donuts, or whatever. If they want to know "how I did it" I tell them about 'me' not 'them'. If they want to know what I eat and why, I will discuss why these are the choices I have made. I avoid telling them what they need to do with their life.

    People who have lost weight are often as obnoxious as those who are overweight and challenging them. They can come across as pompous, self righteous, arrogant, judgmental and condescending without ever realizing it. I know I have in the past. I am not an evangelist for weight loss, even if someone asks about it. I am just a simple guy trying to be as healthy as possible as a lifestyle, not as a weight loss. Weight loss never works, but lifestyle changes do.
     
  23. KOZOK macrumors member

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    #23
    This sounds like a regional thing.. people in the midwest and south really like the comfort of food that is of low quality and generally fried. Drive thru fast food is actually considered an option. I recently went to western New York on business and couldn't believe the amount of garbage food people were eating. I haven't seen so many people obese to the point of sickness since I was last in texas. It was nice to come home to a place where people are active, fit and put thought into the things they put in their bodies.
     
  24. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

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    #24
    And a good deal of self-loathing, which they turn into aggression towards the one they see apparently mocking them.
     
  25. KnightWRX thread starter macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

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    #25
    But again, I do not talk about it nor mention it unless they talk about it first. If it pisses them off the way I answer back their "jabs" why do they persist ? I'm trying to have them simply stop. I even told them directly once "If you don't want to discuss it, don't ask about it". Yet it continues and they get mad from my passive answers to their "not really a question" question.

    I never acted that way towards healthy people when I was fat. I was fat and jolly and happy to eat my crap while they ate their salads. We never discussed health and food discussions were strictly about recipes and other stuff we tried without ever approaching the "health" side.

    I was never a sad/poor self-esteem guy. The reasons I lost the weight had nothing to do with that. Maybe they are. I don't know, I'm not in their heads.
     
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