Resolved (Some) Fat people's attitude

[boss.king]

Another point in all of this, when I decided to change my life and sat down for my "first" meal in the process, I got questions about it. Sincere, legitimate questions. The guys just weren't used to see me eat a salad and a diet coke I guess and they were suddenly puzzled.

I answered and explained what I read about/learned and what I was planning. Instantly, the reply from the entire table was :

"HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA".

Thanks for the encouragment there. Anyway, they were laughing less when my plan did end up working. Most of those co-workers that laughed and told me I would quite within a week congratulated me and never brought it up again. It's only the overweight ones that keep badgering me. I don't know, maybe they thought when I explained it at first I meant "diet program" when in fact I meant "lifestyle change". I can't blame them for not understanding, there was a lot of stuff I didn't know when I first decided to shed weight.

Anyway, this thread has made one thing clear, I'll need to either live with the comments until they stop (or punch one of them out). There's really nothing I do that can stop it, be it the high road or low road. They are the only ones empowered to diffuse this situation, I can only sit there and take it until they tire out (which shouldn't take long, I heard fat people get tired easily hahahaha, that one felt good).

I've found a single, slow, deep poke in the belly shuts them up. Again, I only do this when I'm being harassed.

 

[KnightWRX]

It sounds like this is just a carry over from your normal interaction with your co-workers. They obviously do not want to know about the food but are just trying to get back at you. Be nicer to them and maybe they will start being nicer to you.

What about the co-workers who don't display that attitude towards me then ? Are you saying I'm only nice to the healthy/thinner co-workers and mean to just the fat ones ?

Or maybe is it that you're missing something here... I am who I am with all my co-workers, no matter what they physically look like. Only (some of) the fat ones have displayed this attitude towards my weight loss and new lifestyle.

I'm not a mean person at all towards any of my co-workers.

 

[maflynn]

I think I fixed it for the people trying to derail the thread into one about the political correctness of my chosen title.

MacNut, Maflynn, MacDawg, Tomorrow, feel free to now leave to discuss others who wish to discuss the topic, not meta-discuss about the chosen topic and posters.

And is that how you interact with others when talking about food/calories/weight?

What we have written is on topic. Your posting style is abrasive and at times puts people off. Seeing that you're experiencing that in "real life" one can only assume you act the same way face to face as you do online.

what I haven't seen is any realization that perhaps the common denominator in all of this is you. I'm not trying to sound harsh but when you point the finger at someone else, you have three pointing back at you.

 

[KnightWRX]

And is that how you interact with others when talking about food/calories/weight?

Nope, that's how I interact with people who harass me and derail my threads and try to change the subject.

Plus my post was quite polite and I did change the title of the thread after all 4 of you asked for it.

 

[MacNut]

You yourself said you were once fat, so you should now how it feels when other people judge you. They are either throwing up walls so they don't have to deal with their inner demons or they just don't like you.

 

[noisycats]

yes

Happy to hear your experience is different, but it's gotten to the point where the only thing I can do is sit there silent and let them ridicule me and all I eat. Should I just do that ?

Based on your responses to several well intended posts suggesting the problem may stem partially from yourself, I would recommend just that...
sit there silent.

Some folks are simply not aware of how they come across. You may be one of them.

 

[KnightWRX]

Based on your responses to several well intended posts suggesting the problem may stem partially from yourself, I would recommend just that...
sit there silent.

Some folks are simply not aware of how they come across. You may be one of them.

I'm very aware of how I come accross, especially on Macrumors.

And notice the responses you're referring were discussing what. I'm abrasive to folks who have poor reading comprehension by choice or those that are openly harassing of my person. The people that jumped straight to the "It's your attitude that needs fixing!" without having paid any attention to the many details I provided and already addressed.

I made a thread to discuss a topic and from page 1, it seems that the issue encountered is not mine alone. Are you and the others suggesting all the posters that have had similar experiences are also abrasive and have bad attitudes ?

----------

You yourself said you were once fat, so you should now how it feels when other people judge you. They are either throwing up walls so they don't have to deal with their inner demons or they just don't like you.

If only that was it. I covered this on page one :

I never acted that way towards healthy people when I was fat. I was fat and jolly and happy to eat my crap while they ate their salads. We never discussed health and food discussions were strictly about recipes and other stuff we tried without ever approaching the "health" side.

I was never a sad/poor self-esteem guy. The reasons I lost the weight had nothing to do with that. Maybe they are. I don't know, I'm not in their heads.

But again, this might be different for them. I don't know, I don't judge them or care about their physical stature really. Maybe their perception is different, but I have never really given them reason to. Like I said, the aggression and jabbing began with them and I never initiate that subject.

 

[MacNut]

They might be the ones doing the jabbing, but you are the one allowing it to continue. If you keep letting them do it they will exploit that and continue to drive you nuts. To them it might be playful banter but to you it might be annoying. The best way to shut them up is to make a joke about it while not inflaming them.

 

[GfPQqmcRKUvP]

People can tell the OP that it's his attitude all they want. They're probably wrong. Overweight people do not like to see someone who was like them losing weight and becoming healthier and thinner because it's an everyday reminder of what they've failed at.

Keep answering their questions, although I think the weight watchers example you gave was a bit abrasive. Sure, muffins vary in caloric content, but you're missing the point of weight watchers. The mere act of assigning a high point value (even if it's not 100% accurate) is enough to dissuade people from eating that item or at least getting them to recognize what is and isn't appropriate to eat.

 

[Papanate]

Don't address the questions. It's obvious it doesn't work if you do.

If you have to reply stop talking about healthy, and start talking about the flavor. Tell them you are really enjoying the food and leave it at that.

There is no judgement of what they eat, nor of what you are eating beyond that it tastes good to you.

 

[Hellhammer]

Simply put, they are jealous. Very, very few of us like to be fat. You have managed to lose weight while for the others, it's just a faraway thought. When you're eating crap, it's hard to start talking about how I should lose weight and so, it's much easier to attack the only one not eating crap.

I'm in a similar situation as you (OP) - I have lost a lot weight during the past year. I can't say I've been "bullied" because I didn't eat a donut but I do find it a bit uncomfortable when others have to bring it up that I'm really not eating it. This even applies to my closest relatives.

 

[rhett7660]

Don't address the questions. It's obvious it doesn't work if you do.

If you have to reply stop talking about healthy, and start talking about the flavor. Tell them you are really enjoying the food and leave it at that.

There is no judgement of what they eat, nor of what you are eating beyond that it tastes good to you.

This is probably a really good way to get around the arguments and argumentative behavior some will have when they are confronted with something they don't want to hear about.

 

[Tomorrow]

Don't all people with addictions want to deny they have a problem, be it eating, smoking, drugs.

No - in fact, I've been quite open about my problem.

Overweight people do not like to see someone who was like them losing weight and becoming healthier and thinner because it's an everyday reminder of what they've failed at.

Got us figured out, have you?

Preaching to others is not something that we fat people have the market cornered on. It comes from all kinds of people. Your characterization (and the OP's) is more a testimony of your intolerance than of others' attitudes.

 

[Apple OC]

if I even dare pick something up and eat it, I can expect the japes again "how many calories in that donut ? How many calories in those chips ?" or of course the inevitable "Hey, look at me, I'm eating 3 donuts, how many calories is that ?".

Maybe you could sneak the odd donut to avoid the crisis you are in ... seriously though ... how many calories are in 3 donuts?

the Krispy Kreme burger has only 1,000 calories

 

[MacHamster68]

i disagree with some posts here , some give the impression eating healthy means eating salat leaves all day and maybe the odd carrot , that not healthy at all , you can still eat for example your doughnut without regret or you can still eat a cheesburger or whopper or whatever fast food if you like , just not 10 at once and not every day
Its all about the balance of eating and physical exercise

Consuming more calories than you burn = weight gain
Burning more calories than you consume = weight loss
Consuming and burning the same number of calories = weight maintenance

a mate from me tries to lose weight since 10 years , but it doesnt work he tried all diets , but i told him he needs to change his life if he wants to lose weight ,
working in a office and sitting at home in front of the telly just does not burn enough calories i told him instead of taking the car to get to work (5 mile distance) he should take the pushbike and in the evening instead of opening the door to let the dog in the garden , take the dog for a walk ...."its my life and i dont want to do sports i dont have enough spare time "

 

[GoCubsGo]

There are varied opinions but the best I can say is that sometimes when you quit a habit you wind up leaving people behind. To delve in the psychology behind it would take a long time, but it happens. When I quit smoking I left people behind. I did not want to, it just happened. Weight loss is very similar.

As for the rest, it sounds like it's a combination of people feeling like you're consumed with this venture, which can be annoying to some, and you just having nothing else of value to talk about. I've done it. You were addicted to one thing and now you're essentially addicted to something else albeit healthier.

I think you should find balance and not worry about what your friends who are still overweight feel much like you probably needed to stop worrying about what people thought about you when you were fat.

 

[wpotere]

i disagree with some posts here , some give the impression eating healthy means eating salat leaves all day and maybe the odd carrot , that not healthy at all , you can still eat for example your doughnut without regret or you can still eat a cheesburger or whopper or whatever fast food if you like , just not 10 at once and not every day
Its all about the balance of eating and physical exercise

Consuming more calories than you burn = weight gain
Burning more calories than you consume = weight loss
Consuming and burning the same number of calories = weight maintenance

I don't eat healthy, I eat clean. There is a huge difference. Does this mean that I can't cheat from time to time? Nope, and I do but I don't live on junk food like a lot of people do. I also don't have high blood pressure and high cholesterol because of the crap I ingest. I know guys that eat that crap all day and don't aren't that badly over weight, however, they have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and are on a slew of meds to control it. Eat a clean meals and exercise.

Lastly, I hate when people equate eating healthy with foods that have little taste. Eating clean and healthy foods is quite the opposite.

 

[KnightWRX]

As for the rest, it sounds like it's a combination of people feeling like you're consumed with this venture, which can be annoying to some, and you just having nothing else of value to talk about. I've done it. You were addicted to one thing and now you're essentially addicted to something else albeit healthier.

If only it were that. I never really discussed food before except recipes I would try and when I initiate talk of food these days, it's still about recipes I tried or want to try. They come from the same cookbooks as before and I never really discuss the health side of it either.

Otherwise, my lunch conversation topics have not changed from their usual social/politics/economics I had before. Maybe they are feeling "threatened" or something, or just don't like my success in this or wish they had the same.

Maybe my cold/passive objective answers to their japes are really not helping, maybe a different approach is in order. But I still don't get with it's only the fat people doing this. The thin/healthy people around me don't bother me about it at all.

 

[wpotere]

But I still don't get with it's only the fat people doing this. The thin/healthy people around me don't bother me about it at all.

Because fat is sadly becoming the new norm.

 

[Shrink]

I don't eat healthy, I eat clean. There is a huge difference. Does this mean that I can't cheat from time to time? Nope, and I do but I don't live on junk food like a lot of people do. I also don't have high blood pressure and high cholesterol because of the crap I ingest. I know guys that eat that crap all day and don't aren't that badly over weight, however, they have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and are on a slew of meds to control it. Eat a clean meals and exercise.

Lastly, I hate when people equate eating healthy with foods that have little taste. Eating clean and healthy foods is quite the opposite.

OK, I'll bite, what's a "clean" meal??

(Get it? I'll bite! Talking about food. I'll go away now. )

Really - what's a "clean" meal?

 

[KnightWRX]

OK, I'll bite, what's a "clean" meal??

I'd guess he means one prepared from fresh ingredients, cooked in a healthy fashion that has flavors rather than tastes attached to it.

It does sound a bit abrasive put that way. A burger can be a "clean" meal, as long as you don't deep fry the meat patty in bacon grease and use good whole grain bread and lean meat with fresh condiments rather than pre-processed ones.

 

[wpotere]

I'd guess he means one prepared from fresh ingredients, cooked in a healthy fashion that has flavors rather than tastes attached to it.

It does sound a bit abrasive put that way. A burger can be a "clean" meal, as long as you don't deep fry the meat patty in bacon grease and use good whole grain bread and lean meat with fresh condiments rather than pre-processed ones.

Exactly! Stay away from processed foods.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2049770_eat-clean.html

http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/

I will say this. It did take a while for my body to get used to not having the sugar so the food might taste a little bland at first, but once it adjusts the food tastes so much better. It is now to the point that I can't even eat a candy bar as it is just too sweet!

 

[kolax]

In response to the original post.

Trouble with anyone who makes a big life change, is that people who know them see them in a different light. Something as simple as a girl going from blonde to brunette, whether or not their personality differs marginally from the hair colour change, chances are, you'll probably start to see them as a slightly different person to when they were blonde.

Same with body weight. I had a mate who was huge back at high school, and bumped into him recently. It felt like I was meeting him for the first time, because while his personality was probably still the same or similar, I saw him as a different person. His characteristics were different.

I'm guessing that you are more confident because you aren't fat anymore, and your fat co-workers are sensing that and seeing you as a different person. It'll just take them for them to adjust to the new you.

 

[mscriv]

Alight Knight,

First off, congrats on the weight loss and the lifestyle changes. Keep it up, the hardest part of any lifestyle adjustment is the consistency needed to make it long term.

Now, let's talk about your "attitude". I hope you can admit that at times you do say things that can be perceived as harsh. I mean in this thread alone you've made jabs at overweight people and you've accused people of having reading comprehension problems. Now, I'm not saying you are doing that in your conversations with your coworkers, but please be open to the idea that you could be communicating things that you don't intend. Take this example you used from a previous post:

it is more akin to me sitting there minding my own business, and a smoker coming up and saying "Hey, have a cigarette! They are yum yum good to breath in and relax you!" and me saying "No thanks, I don't need to inhale toxic products" and them then getting mad and ridiculing me over not being a smoker.

*bold emphasis mine

Sometimes, one of the hardest things for people to recognize about themselves is when they are being passive aggressive. We all do it, but we need to be conscious of when we do it. You may think that responding to a smoker that way, even in a polite voice, would be "educational", but it's not.

"I don't need to inhale toxic products" sends the same message as "Hey, what kind of moron are you to put something like that in your body?!? I obviously am more intelligent than you, I have more willpower, and I don't need to go through life with a crutch..."

I get where you are coming from with trying to answer your friends questions with factual information, but you need to understand that doing so is most likely being perceived as a sense or superiority in how you "preach" the facts and figures at them. It doesn't matter who starts the coversation or if they intend it to be joking or humorous, your words can still be perceived as attacking even when you don't think they are. And, we haven't even touched on body language, tone of voice, and many other things that are a part of communication. I'm not saying this is your fault, what I'm saying is take a hard look at how you communicate and assess whether it is furthering the problem or pointing towards a resolution.

So, what to do then? Well, you talk about these coworkers in a manner that seems to indicate you see them as friends or at least that you value a positive relationship. Additionally, it sounds as if there is one individual at the center of it all who continues to make comments. Why don't you approach this person individually share that the comments are bothering you and ask how you guys can resolve this? If you let him know that you value having a positive working relationship or friendship with him and ask him to respect your wishes to avoid subjects or attempts at humor that could be misinterpreted, then do you think he would respond favorably?

 

[japasneezemonk]

The problem is attitude.