First of all, it does do many of the things on the list... I addressed a couple, but wasn't going to waste my time doing the homework for the guy when he said the list was from 2 years ago. The rest of the things or either personal preference, not part of Apple's design goals, or just nit picky little features. He clearly wants an Android phone and no one here needs to convince him otherwise.
I guess you don't understand the meaning of the word "basic", so I'll fight fire with fire.
I want you to convince me I should buy an Android phone from any company when none of them do these things:
- Doesn't come in Rose Gold.
- Doesn't work with a lightening connector.
- Doesn't work with iCloud.
- Doesn't work with an iPhone case.
- Doesn't work with my Apple watch.
- Doesn't have a Notification and Today screen tabbed when you swipe the screen.
- Doesn't work with Apple Pay.
- Doesn't have as good a battery as my 6s Plus.
- Doesn't let me make a noise with my phone from my watch or iCloud when I can't find it.
Any Android phone is "too basic" because none of them can do these things.
Oh wait, the Android phone is "too basic" and the iPhone is "too basic". Therefore all smartphones are "too basic", and thus being "too basic" is not a reason to qualify one over the other. Buy the one you like best.