Am I the only person in the world that realizes there's got to be something wrong with society today?
My parents never had to think constantly about the calories they were eating, what they were eating and how they were eating it, or even how much! They just ate it, they did about the same amount work that we do today [Don't let them tell you different, kids then were just as lazy, they were just lazy in different ways.] and they're thin!
Is there something changing? What's happened?
I'm not fat by any means but I would love to lose weight, but for some reason I can't bring myself to eat many vegetables. It's not really the taste, it's the texture. The way they feel in my mouth...
I love fruit though. Fruit is like... God. But you can't really live off fruit. Do I just have 'fatty taste?'
I think the problem we have now is the accessibility of food. Not laziness, not how much we work out. We can walk outside our door, the local super market is a 3 km walk but the nearest McDonalds or convenience store is 0.5km away.
Honestly, you can raise a picky eater, but there are sometimes things people just don't like. I don't like sausage, I don't like donuts, I don't like chocolate, I don't like hot dogs, I don't like pickles... I could go on and on.
I do have a few vegetables I can eat, as long as they're cooked. Soups are very good for me as I can handle the texture of the vegetables in soup, they're generally softer and they don't have that 'snappy squirt juice all over mouth' texture I hate so much.
Things I can't handle in soup:
• Leeks (They taste fine, but they're kind of chewy and I don't really understand the point of adding them.)
• Lettuce (It's bitter and doesn't add much to the flavour.)
• Pickles/Cornichons/Gherkins (The texture, the taste, the look, the colour, everything about these vegetables is like Satan in food form to me.)
Things that bother me in a huge abundance in soup:
• Onions (I understand that they are generally a huge part of the base flavour in soup, and that's perfectly fine, as onions are sweet after cooking and can taste very good, but if the soup is like 50% onion, 10% other vegetables and 40% liquid everything starts tasting like onion [obviously] and it seems like you're eating some sort of soggy onion stew.]
• Tomatoes (I really like tomatoes, but tomatoes have a very strong, rich flavour and you can't use too much of them. Tomatoes do not a good soup make, I prefer tomatoes when they are mixed with carrots, celery, garlic and onion to give them a more complex flavour. Tomatoes are otherwise kind of bitter and boring.)
Things I absolutely love in soup:
• Pasta or Barley (Adds a great texture and something to munch on)
• Peppers (Sliced small though, huge hunks of pepper add a little too much flavour, doesn't look appetizing and doesn't get soft. Spicy peppers are fine, they add a great bit of bite and an interesting flavour, but don't make them too big either. Definitely them.)
•*Cheeses (I'm a cheese person, through and through.)
• Chicken or Turkey (Softer texture, subtle taste and work well with the chicken stock that is the base of almost every soup [obviously] but also work well with vegetable stock.)
Moving away from soups and onto other foods:
Wraps and omelettes.
Can't handle:
• Raw onions. (No. Just... no.)
• A lot of Sauce/Condiments (Texture disgusts me, I literally CAN'T handle mustard or ketchup in an abundance. It tastes, feels, smells and just looks disgusting to me.)
• Crunchy Vegetables in General (To me it seems like drinking a can of soda and then randomly finding something hard and crunchy in it, it makes my hair stand on end and just doesn't seem right.)
Don't mind:
• Salsa (I like salsa, but if the veggies are huge and crunchy it just leads to the same problems with the crunchy veggies in what I can't handle. If the salsa is blended and pureed I absolutely LOVE the taste of it, it's the texture that can bother me.)
• Mayo (Can lead to the "This is disgusting" texture I mentioned before.)
• Sour Cream (It's fine as long as, again, it's not used in too much abundance, although I don't really get the point as it's not really that strong of a flavour, kind of bland.)
• Parmesan (I like it, but that stuff is 100% Proof, use cautiously)
Love:
• Oregano (Seriously, this is my favourite seasoning EVER. I LOVE it. Dried oregano is generally the only herb that tastes better dried than it does fresh, it concentrates the flavour. Most dried herbs taste like cardboard.)
• Basil (As above, but fresh.)
• Pizza Sauce (I just think it tastes awesome.)
• Steak (Yum.)
• Buffalo Mozzarella (Seriously, use as much as you want. Aughh. <3)
• Cheddar (The real stuff, and as above.)
I much prefer it if the filling is made with small, cubed vegetables with steak or meat in same pan, fried until there is caramelization and colour on all the vegetables then sprinkled with herbs at the end to retain flavour, then cheese finally and baked in the oven lastly. This combines the flavours and creates a more appealing texture to me.
There are certain foods that just bother me no matter how they’re cooked that I can’t bring myself to enjoy:
• Salad (The textures, the taste, the smell... everything about it throws me off.)
• Stew (Again, the textures and taste bother me, and the colour. It just doesn’t look appetizing to me.)
• Stir Fry (Same reasons as above.)
There are also things that I really enjoy cooked a certain way with certain things in them, that I can’t stand uncooked.
• Sub Sandwiches and Sandwiches in General (If it’s like a Salad on bread I can’t handle it. Crunchy anything throws me off, but if it’s made with say steak and cheese with some oregano and microscopically cubed peppers and broiled in the oven cheese-up it’s amazing, or pizza sandwiches with pepperoni.)
• Pizza (It’s one of my favourite foods, but the only kids I really like are Pepperoni or Cheese. Generally I like your average pizza sauce used at your local Pizza Hut or Panago. I know I said I don’t like sausage, but pizza pepperoni is an exception provided it’s thinly sliced and spicy. I prefer pizza with a thick, doughy crust. I know, I know, it’s not right then, it’s not Italian, Italians used plain old roasted tomatoes for the sauce and the pizza was thin and crispy! Well I prefer it the way it’s made today, can you really hold that against me?
Drinks:
I am the human liquid drinking machine. Seriously, I can drink a 500mL water bottle in like 5 seconds, and drink about 500 of them. One of the reasons I like drinks so much is that they can prevent me from eating if I have enough liquid in my body. The problem I have with food is that I eat when I’m bored, or when I’m not hungry and I get terrible cravings. Food kind of gives me something to do with my hands, but drinks allow me to fill my stomach enough that I don’t really want food.
Really, my drinks taste is simple. I love soda, I love pretty much anything fruit flavoured, I
LOVE Iced Tea and I
LOVE Iced Coffee.
Things I don’t like:
• Savoury Drinks (You know, drinks flavoured with meat or tomato juice or clams... it doesn’t seem right to me.)
• Alcohol (I cannot.
CANNOT stand the taste of alcohol, and it’s illegal for me to drink it anyways.)
Now after reading this, you may be thinking that I could just do this fine, right? Wrong. The problem is I still live with my mom- I’m only 15 as of August 13th.
I have limited money supply to buy the foods that I like, I can really only eat what’s in the house and what’s available to me.
What’s the problem with that? Well, my mom’s boyfriend is a very large man who likes... well food that makes you very large. So that’s what we have...
Currently I am living alone, I am not living with my mom right now, she’s off on a little business trip thing [another debate for another time, she prefers not to trap me inside a little parental bubble and trusts me to live as an adult.] But I don’t start my job until the 28th- 30th of August. I have no cash supply, I’ve already spent it on food, so what we have in the house consists mostly of stuff like hamburger helper and Kraft Dinner [Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for those in the US]
I really want to get healthy, so I need to figure out a way to work around these obstacles. Once I get my own job, I can try to purchase the food I like, but my mom and I currently live in a one bedroom apartment [I sleep in the living room, we’re on a list for a 2 bedroom, no big.] and we don’t have much food storage space. Honestly I think we buy way too much of it [In the store, I always tell her that we have enough, because I know that if it’s there I’ll probably wind up eating it] but she basically just ignores that.
I tried to go vegan [I know, after reading this you guys must be like “That kid? Vegan? He barely likes vegetables...” but I genuinely want to be thin. Blah blah blah, I know, physical appearance doesn’t matter, blah blah blah, but I want to be happy with myself, know where I’m coming from? I want to be someone that can look in the mirror and [I’m gay] know that I find myself attractive and would want to date someone else that looked like me [provided I um, wasn’t me?], and I currently can’t do that, I don’t find myself attractive at all because I feel fat and overweight, whether the scale tells me different or not.
I don’t really know how to handle this, I can’t wear the clothes I like because I feel embarrassed when I even walk outside, I wear baggier clothes in summer and layer up because it hides what I look like because I feel embarrassed about who I am, I can’t even make myself go swimming because I’m too afraid to take my shirt off in the locker room, this is ruining my life and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do about it. I’m ashamed of my body...
Yes, it’s ridiculous and I know that, but it’s something I can’t really control and it’s just how I feel, and I need to change it. I’ve already started thinking about saving for gastric bypass surgery with my job, and I’ve weighed the risks in my head, but I just don’t know what to do!
I can’t feel good about myself, I know that what other people think isn’t supposed to matter, but it does to me, and I feel that my physical appearance says things about me that don’t really fit who I am inside. I need help with this and I don’t have any idea how to accomplish what i need to accomplish, I already have a severe case of insomnia, it seems like there’s not enough hours in the day to get a gym membership, work and go to school, study and have free time with friends.
It sort of feels like I’m trapped within this stupid cage of how I look and it’s making me feel terrible. I’ve been clinically depressed before and I don’t want that to happen again, doctors can’t help, they just tell me what I already know “Eat right, and exercise!” Well it seems like that’s something I really can’t do right now!
Am I alone in this? I just need a little help, you know?
And in case you’re wondering, this is what I look like...
http://img.skitch.com/20080819-m1aseprgwej911gjedh9uhhpep.jpg
http://img.skitch.com/20080819-86fxgyhj2an3h3u6khy7p4kd95.jpg
[No, the pictures weren’t intended for this post, otherwise there wouldn’t be a peace sign in the 2nd one, heh.]
I hope someone has the will to read through all of this, because I just really don’t know what to do...
Edit: I didn't realize how long this was, I'm sorry for the wall of text but I had to get that out of me.