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The Top Gear MEGATHREAD!!!!

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Just got this in an email, class! :D
CLARKSON QUOTES

"I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit
like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If
you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."


"We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird
Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of
rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page
40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was
little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together.
With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."


"[about Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing than
driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a
sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean"

....."the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician
stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air
saying there will be no war with Germany"


"America: 250 million wankers living in a country with no word for
wanker"

On the Alfa Romeo Brera...
"I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather and I'm nursing
a semi!"

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - 'It couldn't pull a
greased stick out of a pig's bottom'

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR:
"there is a word to describe this car: it begins with "s" and ends with
"t" and its not "soot".
Hammond:"So its fairly terrible then?"
Clarkson:"Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another
league of badness!"

"some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless people -
and that he, long before anyone else, realised that jade goody is a
racist pig faced waste of blood and organs............all we know, is
that he's called the Stig!"


"the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an
Ethiopian transvestite"

"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's
what gets you."

'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the
dashboard blowing at you through a straw'

"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More
comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"

"The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible
was Adolf Hitler"

(Fed up during the caravanning trip)
"You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music,
you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp
fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep
quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a
concentration camp!"


"This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good I've
got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.""

(Mercedes CLs55) "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less
painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."


"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places
quicker than I do?"

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars
domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on
the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be
an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong'


"I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a
reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari
pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a
car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet
faced, leaf-eating Nazi"


"Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably because
they don't have wheel-chair access"


1) "If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live in
the air for 6seconds and it does what ebola does to you in 10days in
10years"
2) "Mandela just doesn't deserve his pedestal, I'm mean the blokes a bit
dodgy"
3) On Mandela's claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy!!! "Well
Mr Mandela why don't you go and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban
prostitutes which way her parents voted"


"Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough
affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the
cheapest Ferrari of them all!"


On the Lotus Elise:
"This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a
firework factory"

"Now as you can see I lost the battle to have two engines on the back
because of three very important reasons. One: weight. This is 600 Lbs
and that's the same as having a whole American sitting on the
tailgate..."


"I would still buy the DB9 over this, and save myself the £60,000. The
problem with this car is its gearbox, its just........"
Hammond:"THAT bad is it?"
Clarkson:"Oh no. Robert Mugabe is bad, this is in a whole different
league!"

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put
it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their
customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

"the DB9 has rear seats but no mammal yet created, not even when God was
on the LSD trip that gave us the pink flamingo, could fit into them."


Assessing Hammond's crash:
Clarkson:"you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come
apart. now why didn't you spot that?!"
Hammond:"I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph."
Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on
the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, if a
lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"


"Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved...
for a murderer."

"I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animals duty
to be on my plate at supper time"


"there are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of
stitching... on their face"

"Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work.
It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it
can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half
hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face. "


"Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if
you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it
helps."



"you cant have this car with a diesel, its like saying, I wont go to
stringfellows tonight, ill get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a
woman!"


"During the break we got complaints that we don't show enough green cars
so here's one..."
Pointing to a Lamborghini Murcielago... in bright green

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports
car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a
President.



"Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It
has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis."
Jeremy said this of the Porsche Cayenne!
Click to expand...
 
Loved the quotes.
This is a personal favourite of mine:

on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong'
 
iBlue said:
Loved the quotes.
This is a personal favourite of mine:

on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong'
Click to expand...

That's a perfect illustration of what I dislike about him.
 
Great show last night, but JC's "it's entirely down to this wonderful machine" comment was stretching it a bit. Without the other 4x4s, the tow rope, the mechanics, the spare shock absorbers, etc., they'd still be there with their chainsaws! In my opinion the dogs were the real winners.
 
on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong'
Click to expand...


I dont think its funny. At least he should remember that it will appeal specially to all this scum cyclists have to deal with - chavs/neds and arrogant tattoed english working bloody class heroes...

Clarkson is a middle aged man with a beer belly... he should try some cycling instead of growing fat inna fast car..
 
Elrond39 said:
Oh, I know - those would be the 'usual sources' I was referring to. I meant more along the lines of "watch on some website". A la youtube - only I haven't found it there.
Click to expand...

Nope, I get all of my top gear episodes from the usual sources.


Awesome episode. And if I ever have to buy a truck (lets hope that never happens) it's going to be a Toyota.

I am curious though, how did they get back to the town? Helicopter?
 
yg17 said:
...I am curious though, how did they get back to the town? Helicopter?
Click to expand...
Well, when he scaled that remote mountain in Scotland a couple of years back Clarkson got picked up by helicopter and left the crew with the Land Rover to drive back.....while he took the keys in his pocket!
 
Elrond39 said:
Oh, I know - those would be the 'usual sources' I was referring to. I meant more along the lines of "watch on some website". A la youtube - only I haven't found it there.
Click to expand...

You could try here, but of course I wouldn't tell you that.

Just got round to watching the special, it was fantastic. What an experience that would have been. You could see when it kicked in how bad it was for them all to be out there as well. Amazing television.
 
So, the polar exploration episode was probably one of the best ones I've seen.

And watching it in 1080 high-def was just amazing.
 
spencers said:
And watching it in 1080 high-def was just amazing.
Click to expand...

Lucky bugger :)

I liked it when May and Clarkson arrived at the Pole and then May on the phone 'Hammond? May. Bad luck.'
Haha
I love James May :)

Canee wait til the next series.
 
I like Clarkson's total lack political correctness; even when he irritates me by saying something I find offensive I sometimes laugh in spite of myself.

I've been warming up to James May over the last few series, he has some of the best one-liners.

I liked the special, and I now see that Series 8 will make it to BBC America in a slightly edited form. Someone over there must have seen how many of us Americans were watching via various digital means...

I'm hoping that Clarkson's complaints that Top Gear was becoming too much hollywood and not enough driving translate into a better series this time around.
 
just saw the polar special, great to see, finally...James with his phone call to Hammond and breaking out the cheese and wine, awesome.


does anyone know what the music was that they played a number of times on the trek? had some strings in it, i've been trying to track down that damn music for ages now and i cannot think for the life of me what it is...

also, when does the new season start in the UK?
 
evoluzione said:
does anyone know what the music was that they played a number of times on the trek? had some strings in it, i've been trying to track down that damn music for ages now and i cannot think for the life of me what it is...
Click to expand...

I can't remember the music, I could be wrong but I seem to recall that there was a John Carpenter song from The Fog near the beginning of the show, though I could be wrong (and probably am).

It's not Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell is it? apart from that the other Top Gear staple is The Ball by Craig Armstrong.

If it's not any of those... found a clip with the music on YouTube and tag it. ;)

Anyway... where have you been? haven't seen you on the boards for donkeys. :)
 
iGav said:
I can't remember the music, I could be wrong but I seem to recall that there was a John Carpenter song from The Fog near the beginning of the show, though I could be wrong (and probably am).

It's not Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell is it? apart from that the other Top Gear staple is The Ball by Craig Armstrong.

If it's not any of those... found a clip with the music on YouTube and tag it. ;)

Anyway... where have you been? haven't seen you on the boards for donkeys. :)
Click to expand...



sweet man, thanks...unfortunately i don't think i'll be able to do that as I'm not in the UK dude...and it says it won't work with classical, and I've a feeling it'll possibly be classed as that?

anyway, the music is at the end of this clip (part 2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqLuEnm-eKs&mode=related&search= and at the start of the next clip (part 3)



where have i been? just not on MR much, got a real job now! although i may be leaving that soon to go work for Apple...

got me a new car and bike, things are going well at last...my wife and i are living in Vegas if you didn't know, jut a tad warmer here than NY!
 
evoluzione said:
where have i been? just not on MR much, got a real job now! although i may be leaving that soon to go work for Apple...

got me a new car and bike, things are going well at last...my wife and i are living in Vegas if you didn't know, jut a tad warmer here than NY!
Click to expand...

That's excellent news fella, it's pukka that things have picked up for you. :)

Apple 'eh... that'll mean a move from Nevada to California then? Tough life 'eh. :D

So... what wheels are you motoring around in? :D And did the Jetta make it to Vegas? :p

evoluzione said:
ok, i missed the Clint Mansell bit in your post....that's the one! of course, requiem for a dream, i knew i had it somewhere… thank you! that's been bugging me for years now…haha
Click to expand...

It was almost certainly going to be one or the other. ;) :p
 
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