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What compliment do you like to hear the most?
- Thread starter Reevefoug
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I feel like there are sort of two types of compliments. The ones that are like "Buya I'm great" confidence boons where you get complimented on something you already feel good about and you get that acknowledgement that someone appreciates it and/or notices it. For that, I guess kindness and helpfulness.
But then there's the other camp, and I kinda feel this is more intimate of a compliment. Which is when it hits something you feel vulnerable about. Feeling like you're OK and that even the parts of you that you're scared, embarrassed or otherwise reluctant to open or express too much can actually be seen as something good by someone. or when we get affirmation that our imposter syndrome is just an imposter syndrome. Unfortunately I think that's a big category though. I have some that are a bit too intimate for here, but I think the top one not from that group is something like aaaaall the way back in primary school, we were supposed to do like a dance thing at the school. And I was nervous because I had sweaty hands a lot back then. When I put my hand forward to grab the girl I was dancing with's hand, she smiled and me and said I had a nice warm hand. That was like 17 years ago, I was like 7 I think. Really really young - it might've been a bit later but it's in and around that time frame. No matter what, I was a kid, and though I don't really fear having sweaty hands like that anymore, the compliment left me feeling warm inside, and I can still think of it today and smile. - Or being told that my slightly awkward behaviour is cute. I wouldn't say I'm generally an awkward person, but sometimes I just feel like I get a bit awkward in some situations and start explaining or something, and not just getting affirmation that it's not negative, but even getting a positive comment when you feel you're floundering really also just something that greatly increases comfort and makes me smile
Ps. Nice idea for a community talk thread
But then there's the other camp, and I kinda feel this is more intimate of a compliment. Which is when it hits something you feel vulnerable about. Feeling like you're OK and that even the parts of you that you're scared, embarrassed or otherwise reluctant to open or express too much can actually be seen as something good by someone. or when we get affirmation that our imposter syndrome is just an imposter syndrome. Unfortunately I think that's a big category though. I have some that are a bit too intimate for here, but I think the top one not from that group is something like aaaaall the way back in primary school, we were supposed to do like a dance thing at the school. And I was nervous because I had sweaty hands a lot back then. When I put my hand forward to grab the girl I was dancing with's hand, she smiled and me and said I had a nice warm hand. That was like 17 years ago, I was like 7 I think. Really really young - it might've been a bit later but it's in and around that time frame. No matter what, I was a kid, and though I don't really fear having sweaty hands like that anymore, the compliment left me feeling warm inside, and I can still think of it today and smile. - Or being told that my slightly awkward behaviour is cute. I wouldn't say I'm generally an awkward person, but sometimes I just feel like I get a bit awkward in some situations and start explaining or something, and not just getting affirmation that it's not negative, but even getting a positive comment when you feel you're floundering really also just something that greatly increases comfort and makes me smile
Ps. Nice idea for a community talk thread
My girlfriend compliments me about my body and I LOVE it!
I think especially for men this is actually a type of compliment that is often really appreciated, because it's generally rarer in society and media to pay attention to men's appearance. It's kind of a double edged sword though. I think a lot of men feel some level of "starved" for compliments on their appearance, while society places waaaay too much of a focus on the appearance of women leaving some to feel inadequate and others to just feel endlessly bothered leaving the comments somewhat meaningless.
Bit of analysis from experiences there; Please all, do add if you've had experiences or views to the contrary
I can't give a general category, but the ones that mean the most to me are the ones about something I may not have realized I did, or maybe happened so far in the past or were such a small thing that I didn't realize it.
A "good job" from a family member, friend, a co-worker or my boss when it's something frankly I know I'm good at doesn't mean much for me.
Going back to my first sentence, though, that does hit me is "You remember that time that x happened?" "I do" "Well, you know, I was really struggling with y that day and you said z to me/did such and such for me and I can't tell you how much it meant to me at the time." Those to me are really heart-felt and thoughtful complements, and they mean a lot to me. Similarly, I try to do the same for other people.
A "good job" from a family member, friend, a co-worker or my boss when it's something frankly I know I'm good at doesn't mean much for me.
Going back to my first sentence, though, that does hit me is "You remember that time that x happened?" "I do" "Well, you know, I was really struggling with y that day and you said z to me/did such and such for me and I can't tell you how much it meant to me at the time." Those to me are really heart-felt and thoughtful complements, and they mean a lot to me. Similarly, I try to do the same for other people.
Call me superficial but I don't think society places too much focus on a woman's looks. Attraction is a very, very important thing and therefore looking good is also very important. Everyone should try and look their best IMO. I'm 100% honest about my views, and the girls I date know I wouldn't date them if they weren't blond and thin. They know that's "my thing" as people say. But I think as long as your true to yourself and honest about who you are with others that's what ultimately matters and everyone can be happy. Pretending like your girlfriend's good looks don't matter to you when they do- that IMO can lead to unfavorable outcomes for the relationship.
I mean, yes, I think it would be a fallacy to pretend looks do not matter. It's long ago I read it so I can't cite my sources, but there have been studies that show you get better service in shops if you are served by someone the opposite sex and that surely has to do with attraction. I think it was actually conducted in Apple Stores. But in any case, there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that
The reason I say there's too much focus on the appearance of women though is because it seems like it overshadows accomplishment. As a man you can be incredibly ugly but if you're successful in some field, people will focus on that and say positive things about your deeds. If you're a woman, no matter how successful you are in your field, you'll always also meet comments about how you look, good or bad.
And since attraction is biologically relevant no matter what gender you are, why is there an imbalance and appearance not equally a factor for both men and women? I mean studies have shown that a man's attractivity is also relevant to social outcomes, like how good service you get in shops, but it's definitely less talked about and focused on - male beauty I mean.
In any case, it's a sidetracked discussion but there's my opinion
Or at least part of my opinion
Being British I don’t like being complimented at all!
Being complimented usually means that someone wants something that's going to cost me. Keep the compliments and pay me my due.
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As a woman, professionally, I far prefer to be complimented on my achievements, and accomplishments, rather than on my appearance, for, as @casperes1996 has already observed, society tends to be way too judgmental about the appearance of women, and dismissive of professional accomplishments when focusing on appearance.
In fact, to comment on, or compliment, a woman's appearance in a professional setting, is a negative mark, a black mark, to my mind, for it tells me that this individual will never see a female colleague as a professional equal, but, instead, will continue to judge them primarily on appearance and physical characteristics.
And compliments from close family and close friends about character - that is, people who know you well, but still love you and have your back, - will always be gratefully received and welcomed.
In fact, to comment on, or compliment, a woman's appearance in a professional setting, is a negative mark, a black mark, to my mind, for it tells me that this individual will never see a female colleague as a professional equal, but, instead, will continue to judge them primarily on appearance and physical characteristics.
And compliments from close family and close friends about character - that is, people who know you well, but still love you and have your back, - will always be gratefully received and welcomed.
1) My teeth being very white , people always ask what toothpaste i use.
2) Outfit
3) Aftershave
4) Most people i meet say i am very intelligent & nice person
2) Outfit
3) Aftershave
4) Most people i meet say i am very intelligent & nice person
Exactly what I was talking about yeah. And sorry to all who've seen such likely well-meaning sexism, because it really is as you say a negative in a professional setting.
In any case, here are two weird compliments for you that, on the topic of the thread, I would probably also find quite nice:
1)
You have an impressive amount of posts on Mac Rumors. Carrying the Sandy-Bridge title on here; Super cool.
2)
You have excellent taste in coffee countries. Ethiopia produces some amazing coffees, with a lovely wild and floral flavour. Top marks on coffee
At work, I can't IMAGINE commenting on anyone's appearance, no matter how good or bad it is, and regardless of their gender.
As a guy, I've been on the receiving end of an occasional complement, but sometimes they come off as a bit strange to me. A close co-worker(who jokes about me being her "work son" since she has a biological son close to my age) once said "You always look so great in the shirts you wear and it's nice to see you wearing a different and clean one every day." I thanked her, but I usually just wear a different polo-type shirt every day, and pretty much buy whatever is on sale(without regard to brand) and just try to get a variety of different ones with no particular attention to them other than that. The other part of the comment was because some people really do stretch the same clothes for weeks at a time.
With all of that said, I work in Chemistry. Sometimes I'm teaching in the morning wearing a shirt and tie, and making gallons of an iron solution(that gets everywhere and leaves rust spots) so it's not uncommon to see me wearing a ratty T-shirt and pair of sweat pants in the afternoon to do that. It's all in dressing right for the job, and it's also not uncommon in our building to see other people doing a variation of that, or something in-between. I don't think anything of seeing people dressed somewhat less than professionally just because I know I don't like having concentrated sulfuric acid splatter and make holes in a nice shirt or pair of pants.
As for compliments at work, I'm a bit stingy with doling them out primarily because I want them to mean something. If I'm using something I think I know well, but someone else shows me something I didn't know, I'll complement their knowledge on it. If I'm training someone and they grasp a difficult concept quickly or things along those lines, I will certainly point it out to them. If someone does something for me that I don't know how to do or really is beyond my ability(or even does it because I don't have time, etc) I'm sure to tell them how great of a job they did with it or how good the finished product is(or their progress toward the finished product before they hand it off to me). Those are given out regardless of gender, age, or anything else.
For once, I'm going to have to agree with @Hieveryone; I also love it when his girlfriend compliments my body.
That was an unexpected joke, and I have to admit I did laugh a bit
Thank you for your kind words; much appreciated.
Re coffees, in recent years, I have come to realise that my personal taste is a marked preference for the coffees of east Africa, the region of the Horn of Africa, Ethiopia, Kenya, and, across the straits, Yemeni coffee; I like their clean, clear, bright, notes.
However, circumstances in recent months, ("circumstances" meaning that the coffee shops and cafes I really liked have been shut, due to Covid-19), have meant that I have not been able to lay hands on the coffees I really like, and have had to move well beyond my coffee comfort zone and drink whatever good coffee I could find.
Re post count, that was not anything I ever expected to happen, as MR is the first online forum I had, or have, ever joined, and then, that arose only because I had purchased an Apple computer (a MBP) as a belated birthday gift to myself, twelve years ago, and had questions to ask, as Apple was different to the systems I knew and was used to.
However, I suspect that the post count came about because my mother was diagnosed with dementia, and responsibility for her care devolved mainly to me; the upshot of that was, whenever I was home, attending to, and being responsible for, her care needs, took priority over everything else, and also ensured that one had to bid a fond farewell to any sort of a "normal" social life for the best part of decade.
Yes! I completely agree and am drinking an Ethiopian coffee as I write this, with a bag of Kenyan coffee in my kitchen cupboard. If you ever find yourself in Denmark, have a go at La Cabra. They do absolutely excellent bright coffees. Stiler's Coffee is "officially" the best, as he's won Danish brewery competitions and has been 3rd in the World Barista Championships and such, but La Cabra is brighter and in my opinion better, though Stiller's is also great, just roasted a tad darker.
I can also recommend Prufrock in London, owned by a Welsh man; He also gets coffee from La Cabra. Or Solberg Hansen in Norway, or in Hamburg Germany "The Coffee Shop". If you're in the US; Sorry for teasing great European coffee shops
Since you mention going out for coffee, you can fairly affordably get a nice hand grinder and Aeorpress which will allow you to grind and brew excellent coffee at home. Just find a roast master that roasts lightly and brew it as inverted Aeropress. It's great
Hope your shops open up soon though (and safely).
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sorry that your activity on here got started from something like that; It must've been a hard time to go through.
I'm happy you've been here and helped make the community what it is though
- I think that MacRumors is a lovely place; At least if you don't pay too much attention to the commenters on front page articles. That can sometimes be less nice and more mean-spirited internet-like.
Yes! I completely agree and am drinking an Ethiopian coffee as I write this, with a bag of Kenyan coffee in my kitchen cupboard. If you ever find yourself in Denmark, have a go at La Cabra. They do absolutely excellent bright coffees. Stiler's Coffee is "officially" the best, as he's won Danish brewery competitions and has been 3rd in the World Barista Championships and such, but La Cabra is brighter and in my opinion better, though Stiller's is also great, just roasted a tad darker.
I can also recommend Prufrock in London, owned by a Welsh man; He also gets coffee from La Cabra. Or Solberg Hansen in Norway, or in Hamburg Germany "The Coffee Shop". If you're in the US; Sorry for teasing great European coffee shops
Since you mention going out for coffee, you can fairly affordably get a nice hand grinder and Aeorpress which will allow you to grind and brew excellent coffee at home. Just find a roast master that roasts lightly and brew it as inverted Aeropress. It's great
Hope your shops open up soon though (and safely).
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sorry that your activity on here got started from something like that; It must've been a hard time to go through.
I'm happy you've been here and helped make the community what it is though
Don't worry, I'm from Europe, and so celebrate European coffee shops with passionate pleasure, but thank you kindly for your interesting recommendations for Scandinavia, Germany and London.
I suspect that the name of the Prufrock coffee shop derives from the excellent poem, a modern classic, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", by T. S. Eliot.
Re hand grinders, I actually do have a manual coffee grinder, a hefty piece from OE Lido, that looks like an outsized chess piece, but usually prepare my coffee for a French press or by using a Hario dripper (with paper filter) for a pour over. And, I also have a Bialetti Mocha pot, which I use occasionally.
Compliment? That's something I seldom here. I get a lot of criticism though. It used to upset my wife a lot when she overheard people say, "How did he end up with her? She's like a beautiful flower, he's just dirt in comparison."
When we were alone, she asked me why I didn't get mad, because she was ready to spill blood. I told her, I was fine with being dirt if she and the kids could bloom as a beautiful flowers. A flower can only grow in good soil. She no longer got upset when people calls me dirt. Whenever she overheard someone comparing me to dirt, she turns to them and say, "A flower can only grow and be beautify when it has good dirt."
I guess that makes my favorite compliment would be when my wife shuts down haters who call me "dirt."👍
She's like a beautiful flower, he's just dirt in comparison."When we were alone, she asked me why I didn't get mad, because she was ready to spill blood.
I told her, I was fine with being dirt if she and the kids could bloom as a beautiful flowers. A flower can only grow in good soil. She no longer got upset when people calls me dirt. Whenever she overheard someone comparing me to dirt, she turns to them and say, "A flower can only grow and be beautify when it has good dirt."I guess that makes my favorite compliment would be when my wife shuts down haters who call me "dirt."👍
That's great! I always assumed Prufrock was just some Welsh word. I actually frequent a poetry club so I probably should've known about the poem, but I hadn't heard of it until now. Will definitely look it up though, thanks
It seems like you know your coffee very well
- Harios are great. Cheers to great coffee
The women I date value themselves more for their looks than anything else. If I told my girlfriend she has great character she’d think I’m kidding. But maybe that’s just how it is when you’re young. She loves being complimented about her looks though. She knows I love girls who are blond and thin, and keeps in great shape. I make sure to appreciate and compliment her body especially at night because I know she works hard to look good for me. Now, here’s a little story of about compliments. She knows I love blond women and decided to get blond hair extensions because she thought she’d look prettier in my eyes. Well, she got them and tried to surprise me but when I saw them I didn’t really like them. I genuinely tried my best to tell her how hot she looks, but apparently I did a bad job because she never wore them again. I feel bad she knows I didn’t like her blond hair extensions but happy she doesn’t wear them anymore lol.
EDIT: That’s not to say she’s only hot but isn’t smart. Not at all. If she can get me trust me she’s smart lol @Scepticalscribe
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