So do we have any real solution on how to get our spouse back into our shared home? Everything's updated as required, I've re-added my spouse to our Apple TV, but no matter what I do, I'm unable to get a Home invite successfully completed. He receives the invite, appears to be added as a "resident", then he just disappears & it's as if the invite was never sent in the first place. Infuriating - for someone who's technically inclined! I cannot imagine going through this as a "regular" person.
I also couldn't get my wife back to control our home.
Then I found this instruction. After I updated all of her devices to 16.2.
The following worked for us:
0. Update all Devices
1. Remove all the invites.
2. unplug every hub in your house.
3. wait until your Home app actually says no home hubs are connected. It can take 3 or 4 minutes. There will be an alert that no home hubs are connected.
4. plug in a single hub. Wait for it to boot up.
A message will pop up that a home hub is connected.
5. send your invite. It will go through. Accept it and follow the prompts.
6. on the primary account phone, after all that, reboot phone so your invitees show in your Home app.