Well, this will be my final update on my situation here.
My wife got a call back from the CSRs in PA who "fixed" our billing issue.
Earlier tonight they told us 7-14 days. When they called back, they said 21-28. For a 5:00 AM Eastern 10/7 pre-order. Because THEIR system screwed up.
We finally got them to just cancel it outright, and while she couldn't reset eligibility immediately, she did say that she would put a note on the account to that it can be over ridden in the store.
Of course, at THIS point, no stores have 16 GB left locally, and even if they did, they are closing in twenty minutes anyway... I think tomorrow morning we're going in search of a 32 GB (i'd played with the idea of getting one myself anyway, so we'll just switch the sims).
I seriously can't believe this. It's been the absolute worst customer service I've ever experienced. If it weren't for the fact that we need it for our trip next week, I'd wait out the eligibilty reset system wide, and go to Apple, or Best Buy, or Target, or anywhere else in the universe that sells iPhones besides going back to AT&T. And if it weren't for the fact that I'm already locked in to a new contract from my Apple order, I'd be heading back to Verizon.