Dating "Rules"

[solvs]

On being afraid of acceptance...

Money is always a problem in relationships, especially if you're young and have none. You don't really have to spend that much on a girl when you're both broke, that whole "she should love for for who I am, not what I have", but you do want to impress and most good women don't want a bum. It can be a bit of a Catch-22.

But if that's all you're worried about, dude it gets way worse. Especially if you have a lot of money, because then you seem to attract the completely wrong girl. Er... not to scare you or anything.

 

[ravenvii]

the one i am looking at, i don't meet often. just contacted her and asked what she doing on thursday.

well she said, she has to go to church for her grandma's death anniversary. i would think this is the truth.

then she said, how about next monday?

women love to be waited on, no?

The thing is, you see, is that if the chick isn't interested, she'll give you the grandma line, and that's it. By suggesting another date shows that she's at least somewhat interested. That's a good thing.

 

[Lau]

Money is always a problem in relationships, especially if you're young and have none. You don't really have to spend that much on a girl when you're both broke, that whole "she should love for for who I am, not what I have", but you do want to impress and most good women don't want a bum. It can be a bit of a Catch-22.

I can't speak for anyone else, and I know I'm officially warped p), I couldn't give a toss about the money thing. I think a lot of the money stuff is about making the girl feel special. If you make her feel special and wanted in other ways, the money thing shouldn't be a huge issue, unless she's the kind of girl who's really into money and status and stuff. I know I'll probably get flamed to death for saying this, but it is genuinely how I feel and feel it should be said, even if every single other girl every single other male on this forum has met has insisted on being wined and dined in style.

 

[sushi]

No self-respecting woman will accept an invitation for tonight. Screams 'desperation'!

I would disagree.

Age may have something to do with it. But as you get older, the game part becomes much less important. Nothing wrong with saying that you are available tonight for example.

I'm busy... how about later in the week?

Oh really?

Or is this just a nice put off?

The problem for the guy is that he doesn't know. And that leads to problems.

Oh, and see there women go again. How does it scream desperation. The dude just wants to take the lady out. What's the diff between on a Friday night or a Monday night. Is the man all of a sudden "less desperate" for waiting two days? Mind games ladies and gentlemen, mind games.

Exactly.

Mind games. What a waste of time.

And when you think about it, if you play to find someone when does it end?

An honest approach is much better.

 

[sushi]

One theme that I've read through the thread is spending money on the girl -- especially on the first date.

For the first date, an upscale diner and movie is not always required.

There are many other fun options that do not cost a lot of money -- get creative.

Just remember, if it takes money to capture a girl, then someone with more money may just take her away.

 

[CubaTBird]

Exactly.

Mind games. What a waste of time.

And when you think about it, if you play to find someone when does it end?

An honest approach is much better.

Woot. Finally an agreement in a thread i started.

 

[d wade]

i only follow one rule when it comes to dating:

"deny, deny, deny"

if you are caught or suspected of doing anything bad. you vigorously deny it, and she will eventually have to believe you.

no.. i am not proud, lol

 

[redAPPLE]

An honest approach is much better.

in the news the other day, an "old" guy (i think he is 40 or something) told a former secretary, "i like you."

and now the guy gets his bum sued for harassment.

 

[itcheroni]

I think that both the male and the female in a straight relationship should both give and take. Men having to open the door is stupid in my opinion, although maybe sweet in some cases. As long as a guy cares about our relationship, I would pay for my own meal, etc. w/o a second thought.
Over-thinking it is silly, imo, and you have no need to over-think it if you're with a girl who's a rational person with a sense of her self.

An idealist- I like that. What are you doing later this week?

Oh wait, you're 13, aren't you? Well, let's see...25/2 +7=19.5. hmmm (18-7)2=22. No...36/2 +7=25.

...so, whatcha doin in 12~13 years?

But flirting with minors aside, you've got a really good head on your shoulders there. Your parents should be proud. I hope to do as well when/if I have daughters someday. My fear is I'd f* them up. There are so many messed up girls, women out there (see how I turned it back to the topic?).

I always thought there was only one rule:

1. Don't be a prat.

I've got to disagree with you there. Maybe it's a case of "not going to the market" often enough when I'm in my trying-to-be-a-good-person phase, but I find women are only attracted to me when I'm in my IDGAF phase. It's, in a way, playing the percentages as well. If you're a doormat, you're going to attract very few women, although many of them will like you because you're so non-threatening. On the other hand, if you're an arrogant jerk with glimpses of sweetness only towards the woman (heck, this might apply to men too) you're aiming for, although the majority of women will find you too crude, a very sizeable minority will feel sparks. This is totally true from my experiences and observations. A word of warning though, this won't be effect in finding a long term relationship with your ideal mate though, only in having flings.

 

[redAPPLE]

Leykis or not!

You can listen to a sample show here:

Leykis 101 8/25/2005

hey! that leykis guy is cool. i wonder what the grrls think about him and his advice.

 

[CubaTBird]

Approaching a cute girl in groups is tough to. Often times the other female friends will put the great wall of um "(you know it!)" on you and hence forth you have to make an effort to get to her. In my experience, approaching a woman who is in a group of other women hoping to get her out of the group and with you doesn't usually work because everything you say, the other women will pick on that and pretty much make you look like an ass. Unless of course, your quick on your toes and can rebutle back with clever answers that you just thought of.

 

[redAPPLE]

Approaching a cute girl in groups is tough to. Often times the other female friends will put the great wall of um "(you know it!)" on you and hence forth you have to make an effort to get to her. In my experience, approaching a woman who is in a group of other women hoping to get her out of the group and with you doesn't usually work because everything you say, the other women will pick on that and pretty much make you look like an ass. Unless of course, your quick on your toes and can rebutle back with clever answers that you just thought of.

timing is everything. it is the minute between her waiting for her "grrltourage" and until you hear them half a block away. that is when one should make a move.

enough men have experienced this, that is why those "help" books sell so good. as we all know, there are a lot of pc users out there without imagination.

 

[solvs]

Just had another ex call me up now that I'm back on CA. It think this makes 3, or 4... dunno, I've lost count. My question, if you miss me so much, why'd you leave? Answer? It's always, I don't know. Here's a rule, don't call your ex after breaking his heart just because the new guy's not working out and you think you made a mistake.

Sorry, had to rant a bit there, I'm ok now.

 

[redAPPLE]

i think a poster has stated in this thread, that the first date "should" be a cheap date.

i am gonna meet this grrl tomorrow or tuesday.

let us see how cheap i could go *muahhahahaha*

well. kidding aside. i plan to go cheap the first hour and test the waters. if the spark is not there. i would be back home after two hours. and i would give you guys an update.

am i hijacking this thread? if there are objections. i would start my own thread. cya.

 

[redAPPLE]

Just had another ex call me up now that I'm back on CA. It think this makes 3, or 4... dunno, I've lost count. My question, if you miss me so much, why'd you leave? Answer? It's always, I don't know. Here's a rule, don't call your ex after breaking his heart just because the new guy's not working out and you think you made a mistake.

Sorry, had to rant a bit there, I'm ok now.

i don't know. this would sound bad, but, would it not be good for a guy's or gal's ego to find out if the person could "score" again after not seeing the ex for quite a while?

 

[solvs]

this would sound bad, but, would it not be good for a guy's or gal's ego to find out if the person could "score" again after not seeing the ex for quite a while?

Is that what I've been reduced to? A booty call? Cuz, um, actually I'm ok with that.

Go cheap, test the waters, but have a backup plan if it's working out.

 

[ravenvii]

i think a poster has stated in this thread, that the first date "should" be a cheap date.

i am gonna meet this grrl tomorrow or tuesday.

let us see how cheap i could go *muahhahahaha*

well. kidding aside. i plan to go cheap the first hour and test the waters. if the spark is not there. i would be back home after two hours. and i would give you guys an update.

am i hijacking this thread? if there are objections. i would start my own thread. cya.

Well, if you don't even know if you like the chick or not, why are you planning to take her on a date where you actually pay? Take her to a lunch or a coffee place just to sit and chat and stuff. She pays for her **** of course. If you find you DO like the girl after all, THEN take her on a "real" date.

 

[redAPPLE]

Well, if you don't even know if you like the chick or not, why are you planning to take her on a date where you actually pay? Take her to a lunch or a coffee place just to sit and chat and stuff. She pays for her **** of course. If you find you DO like the girl after all, THEN take her on a "real" date.

well obviously she is attractive. so i don't mind taking her out, especially if she gives me the chance.

how does this work? if you ask a girl out, do you also ask, "let's go dutch?". i see it this way, if the grrl is the way i expect to be, i would order the first drink (and pay) and she would order the next drink (and she pays).

if i don't see her taking out cash, then plan b comes into play.

 

[ravenvii]

well obviously she is attractive. so i don't mind taking her out, especially if she gives me the chance.

how does this work? if you ask a girl out, do you also ask, "let's go dutch?". i see it this way, if the grrl is the way i expect to be, i would order the first drink (and pay) and she would order the next drink (and she pays).

if i don't see her taking out cash, then plan b comes into play.

Well, if you already know the girl and already know you like her, then ignore the advice above. Basically, on the first date, it really depends on the girl. Sometimes I knew the girl for a while before we went out on a date, and in that case I always offer to pay - basically to "confirm" to her that this is a date, not just a friends' outing. But with a girl I don't know for long, it could go either way. When the bill comes, let it sit for a few seconds and see what she does. If she picks up the bill, good. If not, you pick it up, with the purpose of paying it. If she offers to pay her half, let her.

In other words, keep it cheap, but never, ever let HER know that you're keeping it cheap. Girls don't like cheap bastards. Explicitly cheap bastards that is

That's my opinion, all of the above

 

[whooleytoo]

For what it's worth, the spark for me was, on different occasions, engendered from the angle of a raised eyebrow, in the deep chuckle of an southern Irish accent, in the caress of a large thumb...

Heh.. How ye doin'? ............<spark!> Ouch!!!

Seriously, I was so hoping this thread was going to have All The Answers(tm), who'd have though it would turn out to be just a threadful of contradictory advice!

 

[redAPPLE]

Well, if you already know the girl and already know you like her, then ignore the advice above. Basically, on the first date, it really depends on the girl. Sometimes I knew the girl for a while before we went out on a date, and in that case I always offer to pay - basically to "confirm" to her that this is a date, not just a friends' outing. But with a girl I don't know for long, it could go either way. When the bill comes, let it sit for a few seconds and see what she does. If she picks up the bill, good. If not, you pick it up, with the purpose of paying it. If she offers to pay her half, let her.

In other words, keep it cheap, but never, ever let HER know that you're keeping it cheap. Girls don't like cheap bastards. Explicitly cheap bastards that is

That's my opinion, all of the above

well i know her, but not THAT good. but nice advice.

 

[redAPPLE]

Heh.. How ye doin'? ............<spark!> Ouch!!!

Seriously, I was so hoping this thread was going to have All The Answers(tm), who'd have though it would turn out to be just a threadful of contradictory advice!

well, that would be really boring if everybody had the same advice, no?

 

[redAPPLE]

*yuck* i hate grrls.

just got a call that an old friend of hers just came and wanted to go swimming with her tomorrow.

that lil dirty... *grr*

she said, she got more time next week. now what do i do? do i "dump" her next week, when she calls?

 

[ravenvii]

*yuck* i hate grrls.

just got a call that an old friend of hers just came and wanted to go swimming with her tomorrow.

that lil dirty... *grr*

she said, she got more time next week. now what do i do? do i "dump" her next week, when she calls?

There's this one girl who does that to me ALL the time. She'd make plans with me, then at the last moment says "oh, this friend and this cousin, blabla". I let her string me on cuz I think it's hilarious, and I wasn't fooled.

But most of the time I generally give the girl 2 or 3 chances. I mean, stuff do happen in real life. Maybe it's a friend she's not seen in ages? Who knows? But if she pulls that again, I'd drop her. (Unless she's super-uber-hot, like the girl I spoke of above - just make sure you know that it's improbable you'll hit it, and as long as you actively go and look for other girls while you play with this girl. If you find yourself falling in love or some weird ****, BAIL!)

 

[redAPPLE]

There's this one girl who does that to me ALL the time. She'd make plans with me, then at the last moment says "oh, this friend and this cousin, blabla". I let her string me on cuz I think it's hilarious, and I wasn't fooled.

But most of the time I generally give the girl 2 or 3 chances. I mean, stuff do happen in real life. Maybe it's a friend she's not seen in ages? Who knows? But if she pulls that again, I'd drop her. (Unless she's super-uber-hot, like the girl I spoke of above - just make sure you know that it's improbable you'll hit it, and as long as you actively go and look for other girls while you play with this girl. If you find yourself falling in love or some weird ****, BAIL!)

ok. 2 or 3 chances. check.

she ain't ueber-hot. i say she got sex-appeal. and i want to know more about this sex-appeal. and how far it would get me.

i won't fall in love. unless she cooks me my favorite dish without me telling her what it is.