You can put words in my mouth and build straw men until the cows come home if you like, but I'm not sure why you would.
My statement still stands.
Additionally, I never said I'd be be dense or hurtful enough to say such things myself.
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how do i tell my girlfriend she's Fat without hurting her feelings...
- Thread starter Jinsou
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My statement still stands.
Additionally, I never said I'd be be dense or hurtful enough to say such things myself.
My initial point was, and still is, and will still be even after you've insinuated more stuff about some random person on the internet, that it's about feelings. /thread.
Saying your wife is fat is hurtful - that's the point. A situationally moot point given the thread is 8 years old, but still academically valid.
Peace out.
If you don't want to stop the sex then it means you don't mind that she is overweight. I don't see where the problem is.
Actually, just reading the thread title, I am struck by the fact that the word "Fat" is capitalised, whereas the pronoun written in the first person singular ("I") is not.
Yes, we are not meant to draw attention to spelling mistakes, but the difference in emphasis between the two words is very telling, to my mind, at least.
Of course, there are far wider issues here than simply what is perceived to be - or, is all too readily dismissed as - a failure in personal responsibility for one's health.
At no stage is what the OP considered to be "fat" (despite the fact that he was asked to do so on several occasions) defined.
Besides, "fat" is also a social and cultural construct and - and, as Desmond Morris, among others, have reminded us - it is something that is subject to change as fashion - or, economic development - or cultural preferences, change how such things are perceived.
After all, once upon a (distant) time, "Rubenesque" was a compliment, not an insult.
Poor societies and impoverished societies and starving societies don't despise the fat. They envy them.
And, as Susie Orbach has pointed out, it can also be seen as a feminist issue, while Caitlin Moran has argued that food binging is the addiction of choice of carers and the poor and the stressed out, because being able to cope - with shouldering their responsibilities to others - means that whatever they binge on must still leave them capable of coping, which is often not the case with other addictions.
And this leaves out the incessant pressure on women to conform to virtually impossible physical ideals, a pressure that leads many women to have a most unhealthy relationship with both food, - that is food, which is more than simply something to be viewed as an accumulated collection of calories - and with their bodies, let alone other matters such as exercise, or diet.
Yes, we are not meant to draw attention to spelling mistakes, but the difference in emphasis between the two words is very telling, to my mind, at least.
Of course, there are far wider issues here than simply what is perceived to be - or, is all too readily dismissed as - a failure in personal responsibility for one's health.
At no stage is what the OP considered to be "fat" (despite the fact that he was asked to do so on several occasions) defined.
Besides, "fat" is also a social and cultural construct and - and, as Desmond Morris, among others, have reminded us - it is something that is subject to change as fashion - or, economic development - or cultural preferences, change how such things are perceived.
After all, once upon a (distant) time, "Rubenesque" was a compliment, not an insult.
Poor societies and impoverished societies and starving societies don't despise the fat. They envy them.
And, as Susie Orbach has pointed out, it can also be seen as a feminist issue, while Caitlin Moran has argued that food binging is the addiction of choice of carers and the poor and the stressed out, because being able to cope - with shouldering their responsibilities to others - means that whatever they binge on must still leave them capable of coping, which is often not the case with other addictions.
And this leaves out the incessant pressure on women to conform to virtually impossible physical ideals, a pressure that leads many women to have a most unhealthy relationship with both food, - that is food, which is more than simply something to be viewed as an accumulated collection of calories - and with their bodies, let alone other matters such as exercise, or diet.
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Well, I get the sneaking suspicion that the titular girlfriend has moved on by now.
Apparently "size doesn't matter" as long as the object is male.
My recommendation? OP should get himself a good penis pump.
Apparently "size doesn't matter" as long as the object is male.
My recommendation? OP should get himself a good penis pump.
______Well, we've been together for a while and since then she's gained some weight.... but to the point it's not cool anymore, i want to motivate her to go to the gym or something for her own good u know... but then again, she's very emotional... as gentle as i would try to be she'll be like
Jin
In every place other than California...its a natural occurance....women in Florida weigh more than their male partners
This thread isn't so bad if you pretend it's a riddle.
By using a language she doesn't speak. Done.
Okay...I know this is like an 8-year-old post, but the thread has been resurrected. But I gotta ask...in what world does the man control the sex life of a couple? Because that is a world I have not experienced....
Most chicks can get it anywhere, any time they want. Dudes gotta work for it.
Besides, it's bad advice. You do it right, you burn over nearly 300-400 Calories an hour. He should be asking for "moar, Moar, MOAR!"
Besides, it's bad advice. You do it right, you burn over nearly 300-400 Calories an hour. He should be asking for "moar, Moar, MOAR!"
UH, yeah. Seriously. Withholding sex ain't in my vocabulary, at least on my end.
I am super curious to know if the OP and his girlfriend are still together.
To the actual topic, should it arise for anyone else in the near future....as a woman who used to be a size 2/4 and now in her mid-forties who gave birth to two kids......she already knows she's overweight. She knows her favorite dress or pants don't fit, and she agonizes every time she has to shopping. Be supportive and encouraging and tell her you love her no matter what. If the weight gain is causing actual health problems, then face it head on....but if it's just some fluff....she already knows and feels like crap for it. I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of the year and feel better than I have in years. I have another 10-15 to go, but my husband has loved me for the past 18 years no matter what my size. Be that kind of man.
To the actual topic, should it arise for anyone else in the near future....as a woman who used to be a size 2/4 and now in her mid-forties who gave birth to two kids......she already knows she's overweight. She knows her favorite dress or pants don't fit, and she agonizes every time she has to shopping. Be supportive and encouraging and tell her you love her no matter what. If the weight gain is causing actual health problems, then face it head on....but if it's just some fluff....she already knows and feels like crap for it. I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of the year and feel better than I have in years. I have another 10-15 to go, but my husband has loved me for the past 18 years no matter what my size. Be that kind of man.
Well, we've been together for a while and since then she's gained some weight.... but to the point it's not cool anymore, i want to motivate her to go to the gym or something for her own good u know... but then again, she's very emotional... as gentle as i would try to be she'll be like
Jin
lol..... well honesty IS the best policy isn't it? The word will slip out anyway, not from you, but from other people... anyway eventually, so may as well tell now.
no time like the present.
doesn't really matter how gentle u try and say it, its always gonna feel bad..That's a good thing.... but then u gotta know perhaps she could be keeping secrets as well.
How?! "Tact" means sensitivity, kind. He was kind enough to ask someone how to tell her in a way that will be sensitive to her, as to not hurt her feelings. That is kind.
Communication and really knowing your partner has become a huge issue these days. My wife knows me well enough that she can tell that I'm simply being matter of fact, when I say "hey babe you're gaining weight, you should limit your portions and start working out again". She knows I still love her, and am just concerned for her well being, mentally and physically.
Anyway... It's been 8 years so this thread is surely no longer needed. She's either really fat, or has gotten into great shape by now.
That's not an apple to apple comparison.
The latter can't be controlled.So those of you, who think it's wrong to tell you spouse or significant other that they are fat, if they gain 50 lbs and were not extremely skinny before,
it's wrong to tell them, honey you're getting chunky? Why?I realize there is a balance between good judgement, being judgmental, and honestly expressing something that bothers you in the relationship. What if they become obese? This is also a health issue, and mum should be the word, something not to be discussed?
Yes, I think most of us realize it's an 8YO thread, but it's still worthwhile.
I don't think it's wrong to tell your spouse that s/he's fat, but there has to be a tactful way to do it. Bringing up health seems like the obvious choice there. I also think it's easier if it's a spouse, rather than just SO, simply because spouses (are supposed to) love you forever. Whereas, with a SO, if you haven't made that commitment yet it could be seen much more negatively. This is just a generality and of course there would be exceptions to both sides there.
I don't think it's wrong to tell your spouse that s/he's fat, but there has to be a tactful way to do it. Bringing up health seems like the obvious choice there. I also think it's easier if it's a spouse, rather than just SO, simply because spouses (are supposed to) love you forever. Whereas, with a SO, if you haven't made that commitment yet it could be seen much more negatively. This is just a generality and of course there would be exceptions to both sides there.
I would have dicussed over pizza and beer. Since the question was asked 8 years ago, for all we know she's now running marathons.
Meh not really. You have to change your perspective. Once you don't "need it" it becomes abundant.
Women need/want sex too.
My fiancee is a BBW. She is a UK size 20/22.
She is happy with her size but does not want get any bigger.
She is healthy at her size and does not have any health issues.
We walk alot and we have both recently bought bicycles but not yet been out on them.
She was big when we met and has not changed.
I am honest with her and tell her if she looks fat in certain cloths and she likes that I do.
She knows generally how to dress for her size and looks great.
She is happy with her size but does not want get any bigger.
She is healthy at her size and does not have any health issues.
We walk alot and we have both recently bought bicycles but not yet been out on them.
She was big when we met and has not changed.
I am honest with her and tell her if she looks fat in certain cloths and she likes that I do.
She knows generally how to dress for her size and looks great.
this is awesome.. i think the thread should be changed to 'how do i tell my ex she is fat without hurting her feelings...'