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This is actually an interesting topic. Because I myself am a guy who is overweight (6'3, 260lbs = 32.5 BMI which according to the charts I am "obese") I don't live an extremely active lifestyle and I should probably eat healthier than I do. I know this, and know that there are plenty of women that do not find "fat" guys like myself attractive.

On the flip side I have never been one of those who thought weight was the factor in whether or not I found a woman attractive. Yes, there are big women who aren't beautiful, just as their are slim women who are not beautiful. With that said though, I am not going to deny the fact that I would obviously prefer to be with a woman who had a good body. However, I say that knowing that I do not have a good body and I would never jeopardize a relationship with a great person because of their weight. Attraction does matter, but we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so what I might find attractive (or not attractive) might appeal to someone else.

So that brings me to address the OPs post. He is asking how to tell his girlfriend that she is fat without hurting her feelings. As it has been said you don't, and frankly why would you want to? I have a hard time believing that it is a health issue, but if that was the case than if you were in a loving relationship with her than it wouldn't seem like such a difficult task to tell her that you are worried about her health. I wouldn't suggest telling her she is fat. And unless you are planning to work on your weight than I wouldn't suggest to her to go the gym or anything.

So this brings up some very interesting debates. First off if you love someone and they become unattractive is that reason to end a relationship? I do not believe it is possible to share your thoughts with her and not at least get some hard feelings from her. I mean even if you were sincere about the health thing I highly doubt she will think of it like that.

Perhaps after dating her and you being attracted to the fact that she had a good body you have become a bit shallow. I do believe that after dating such a beautiful girl for nearly a year I have become more shallow and I am not as attracted to as many women as I was a year ago. But perhaps that has more to do with age.

Bottom line... is it worth jeopardizing your relationship to tell her that for whatever reason you think she should lose weight?
 
The number of people who are so uptight about "not hurting somebody's feelings" and worse still possessing a willingness to act upon outmoded and insulting gender stereotypes might be why human beings seem to be so terrible at maintaining meaningful relationships.

If my girlfriend started to put on weight, I would flat out tell her. And not just because I value honest communication, physical intimacy and confidence from a partner, but because I recognize and respect the fact that my girlfriend is an adult and is fully capable of hearing it and responding in an adult fashion. Similarly if I started to put on weight in an unhealthy fashion I would fully expect her to tell me, as I would also fully expect my friends, my family, and anyone who genuinely cares about me to do so as well.
Excessive weight gain is 99% of the time just a lack of willpower.

No, it isn't. The most prevalent factors in excessive weight gain is a lack of nutritional education. Attributing it to a lack of willpower is simply a dismissive and self-aggrandizing soundbite that helps to further stereotypes about overweight individuals that does nothing to address the problem and everything to allow thin people to pat themselves on the back.
 
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There's no point in telling her something she already knows. Lead by example. Eat well, exercise and encourage her to join you.
 
Just go up to her and say straight up: "Girl, you're fat. And don't you dare complain or cry about it. Don't you dare look at me weird and don't you dare walk in the kitchen until you've burned at least 1000 calories. No girl of mine is going to be as big as you."

Or you could just buy her a treadmill for her birthday.
 
You tell her you want to start being more active yourself. Make it seem like its all about you motivating yourself and then hopefully you can get her to join in with you.

I think it's great for couples to go to the gym together, or go on hikes, runs, bike rides, etc.
 
You cannot tell her she's fat in any way, shape, or form without hurting her feelings.

PERIOD.

Now, your ultimate goal isn't just to make her aware of her "fatness," is it? If it's just cosmetic weight or vanity pounds (little bit of extra pudge on the belly/thighs), you have little ground to call her anything... both she and her friends will talk about you in a very bad way if you try that.

Instead, start going to the gym regularly. YOU. Go. Go workout and try to build more muscle and get in better shape yourself. Then, invite her. Try to work out a time where you can both go together. Learn a ton about weightlifting, and teach her how to lift light weights for cardio/muscle toning.

First, lead by example. Go for a while, talk about it, but don't even ask her to come for a bit. Then, after a couple weeks, ask her to go with you, if she hasn't asked you already.
 
This is actually an interesting topic. Because I myself am a guy who is overweight (6'3, 260lbs = 32.5 BMI which according to the charts I am "obese") I don't live an extremely active lifestyle and I should probably eat healthier than I do. I know this, and know that there are plenty of women that do not find "fat" guys like myself attractive.

On the flip side I have never been one of those who thought weight was the factor in whether or not I found a woman attractive. Yes, there are big women who aren't beautiful, just as their are slim women who are not beautiful. With that said though, I am not going to deny the fact that I would obviously prefer to be with a woman who had a good body. However, I say that knowing that I do not have a good body and I would never jeopardize a relationship with a great person because of their weight. Attraction does matter, but we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so what I might find attractive (or not attractive) might appeal to someone else.

So that brings me to address the OPs post. He is asking how to tell his girlfriend that she is fat without hurting her feelings. As it has been said you don't, and frankly why would you want to? I have a hard time believing that it is a health issue, but if that was the case than if you were in a loving relationship with her than it wouldn't seem like such a difficult task to tell her that you are worried about her health. I wouldn't suggest telling her she is fat. And unless you are planning to work on your weight than I wouldn't suggest to her to go the gym or anything.

So this brings up some very interesting debates. First off if you love someone and they become unattractive is that reason to end a relationship? I do not believe it is possible to share your thoughts with her and not at least get some hard feelings from her. I mean even if you were sincere about the health thing I highly doubt she will think of it like that.

Perhaps after dating her and you being attracted to the fact that she had a good body you have become a bit shallow. I do believe that after dating such a beautiful girl for nearly a year I have become more shallow and I am not as attracted to as many women as I was a year ago. But perhaps that has more to do with age.

Bottom line... is it worth jeopardizing your relationship to tell her that for whatever reason you think she should lose weight?

I don't think he's shallow. We can't help what we're attracted to. I think it's a terrible trick we play on ourselves to say this. Her gaining weight has obviously caused problems in the relationship. Enough so that he's asking people in a forum for advice! If it's caused him to not be attracted to her, he can't help that. It's a legitimate thing to be concerned about. It sounds like it's affecting her as well. Either way, something needs to be done here.

I would say the best course of action would be for both of them to get to a gym and find out what physical activity can work for both of them. They should do this together. Not only will they both be in better shape, but they will probably be more attracted to each other as well.

"6 Ways To Tell Your Girl To Lose Some Weight"

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/144_dating_advice.html

I'd just paste the whole thing here, but not sure I'm suppose to do that...


But yeah, if I was in that situation I'd definitely find some way of having her get the message. I'm slim. And I don't my girlfriend to be fat, that's like having her be taller than me... No problem there though, 6'2"

#6 on that list is probably the best thing in this case.
 
Just be honest with her. Sugarcoating and avoiding direct statements isn't going to help. Her feelings may hurt shortly thereafter, but if she's rational, she'll appreciate that you were honest with her. Being blunt is the best way, imo.
 
Well, we've been together for a while and since then she's gained some weight.... but to the point it's not cool anymore, i want to motivate her to go to the gym or something for her own good u know... but then again, she's very emotional... as gentle as i would try to be she'll be like :eek:IM FAT? WHATTT /SLAP/ and not talk to me for a bit... so i need some counseling! thanks guys

Jin
I told my wife that and now she wants two separate and leave me so I can find the girl of my dreams. I'm like what?? That's not what I want. Then she says yes it is you told me so. Then she tells me she can find what she wants now. A guy that can take care of her and that wants her for the way she looks period I ****ed myself I should have kept lying and told her I still have low T
 
I told my wife that and now she wants two separate and leave me so I can find the girl of my dreams. I'm like what?? That's not what I want. Then she says yes it is you told me so. Then she tells me she can find what she wants now. A guy that can take care of her and that wants her for the way she looks period I ****ed myself I should have kept lying and told her I still have low T

Such an interesting thread, thanks for reviving it, and I'm sorry that your marriage collapsed, but it sounds like there were some issues there in addition to weight intolerance.

I know I'll be judged for this, but for the sake of confession... :)
When I got married, having been overweight as a kid, having adopted an exercise lifestyle, and being somewhat of a fatophobe, I asked my wife who was perfect at the time, please just don't get fat.

Since then both of us have gained weight, we are not obese, but we are no longer have the slim and trim figures of our youth. I admit I critizied my wife at one point for gaining weight, when I was still trim, but fortunately she did not leave me, and I have since apologized to her on many occasions. However, I will admit, most likely I could not have tolerated obesity in a partner.
 
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This thread was "different" read on here.

I am a very slim guy due to a condition I have.
I like big girls myself...

My fiancee is a UK 20/22.
Her weight stays about the same in the time we been together.
We do walk a bit although we should do more.

To most here I prefer the opposite as smaller/skinny girls not attractive to me.
Not saying they ugly but just not for me, so interesting see other side of fence as it were.
 
Well, we've been together for a while and since then she's gained some weight.... but to the point it's not cool anymore, i want to motivate her to go to the gym or something for her own good u know... but then again, she's very emotional... as gentle as i would try to be she'll be like :eek:IM FAT? WHATTT /SLAP/ and not talk to me for a bit... so i need some counseling! thanks guys

Jin

Depending on the delivery can lead to very very very bad things....:eek:

Stop having sex with her....

This is one of those very bad bad things....:eek::eek:

I can not support assisted suicide, sorry :D

And we have a winner! :D:D:D
 
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I told my wife that and now she wants two separate and leave me so I can find the girl of my dreams. I'm like what?? That's not what I want. Then she says yes it is you told me so. Then she tells me she can find what she wants now. A guy that can take care of her and that wants her for the way she looks period I ****ed myself I should have kept lying and told her I still have low T
Sorry to hear this, but to me it doesn't seem that the marriage was in too good a place if she would just cut you out for saying this, and from what you've given as her response it feels like there are other things in play here. Have a think. Is there anything else that she could be unhappy about? If so, maybe tackling that is the key to getting her back.

Please don't take that as an attack BTW. I genuinely want to offer advice based on what you've posted.
 
Holy judgmental thread resurrection Batman!

Telling your girlfriend/wife she's fat is akin to her telling you your penis is too small. How would you take it?
Ones within a person's control and a health and wellness issue. The other is not. Equal, they are not.
 
Ones within a person's control and a health and wellness issue. The other is not. Equal, they are not.

Oh, stuff and nonsense.

Not only that, but exceedingly judgmental stuff and nonsense.

@Melrose made an excellent point - not least in citing such perceived shortcomings as something used to cast judgment - invariably negative judgment - on someone.

Several on the thread - and when it materialised out of the ether of the vaults today, I took the time and trouble to read it in its horrible entirety - have already remarked that this sort of weight gain is frequently a sign of underlying deeper issues - in other words, a symptom, not a cause - and is very often a result of stress related issues.

Besides, I was struck by the immaturity, self-centredness and selfishness of the OP in firstly, starting the thread, and secondly, his complete lack of understanding, sympathy and support for someone who - through a severe ankle injury - had lost the ability to dance, which had been a defining passion for her - as well as a means of keeping fit.
 
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Holy judgmental thread resurrection Batman!

Telling your girlfriend/wife she's fat is akin to her telling you your penis is too small. How would you take it?

I'd say, "It's not the size of the boat; it's the motion of the ocean.";)

If the Missus puts on a few more pounds. That just means there's more of her to love:); besides, she still looks the same in the dark.:D
 
Oh, stuff and nonsense.

Not only that, but exceedingly judgmental stuff and nonsense.

@Melrose made an excellent point - not least in citing such perceived shortcomings as something used to cast judgment - invariably negative judgment - on someone.

Several on the thread - and when it materialised out of the ether of the vaults today, I took the time and trouble to read it in its horrible entirety - have already remarked that this sort of weight gain is often a sign of underlying deeper issues - in other words, a symptom, not a cause - and is very often a result of stress related issues.

Besides, I was struck by the immaturity, self-centredness and selfishness of the OP in firstly, starting the thread, and secondly, his complete lack of understanding, sympathy and support for someone who - through a severe ankle injury - had lost the ability to dance, which had been a defining passion for her - as well as a means of keeping fit.
I'm not arguing the legitimacy of the thread's premise nor am I denying its moral repugnance.

I was simply stipulating that the quoted analogy was poor. My statement stands as is.
 
Ones within a person's control and a health and wellness issue. The other is not. Equal, they are not.

It's not about being pedantic; it's been made abundantly clear in this thread that it's about feelings - whither or not they are physiologically accurate is neither here nor there. If her weight gain is resultant from an emotional trigger then those feelings are even more valid.

You go ahead and tell her she's not seeing it correctly. I'll read your obituary and have a sensible chuckle.

*I'm not arguing obesity-related health problems. Let's leave that for another day.
 
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