As many have pointed out, there are limits to what can be gleaned from an anonymous online discussion. For example, several people have decried me for being very insensitive for "hijacking" MrsCampbell's thread. The thing is that she told me I'm more than welcome to join the discussion and say whatever I want. If she hadn't told me that, I would have considered this to be Her space for dialog with this wonderful community, and would not have intervened.
Hm.
Yes, but insisting that she amend a post she had written explaining why she had decided to quit the marriage strikes me as excessively controlling.
It was open to you to post under you own name to clarify what you meant.
And, I remain struck that your most insensitive and hurtful remarks describing how you felt about your marriage were reserved for your wife, here, online.
I cannot escape the conclusion that - the reappearance of those dreadful boundary issues again - you really have a problem with someone whose existence you believe should revolve around supporting you, actually expressing an independent - and autonomous opinion.
The quote that MrsCampbell shared where I clarified to her that while I wouldn't optimally want a "stepford wife" that I was tempted by her offer of one, looks really strange, I know. Nobody should want that kind of relationship dynamic under Any circumstances, and I certainly have a self-centered, controlling side to which that offer appealed.
Yes.
Your posts make it quite clear that this side of your character exists.
But why indulge this side?
But as I said before, I never, ever wanted her to be unhappy, I never wanted to use anyone for my satisfaction at the expense of their happiness. She was telling me "Nothing in the world makes me happier than the thought of doing Whatever makes you happy, for the rest of my life." She was very clearly saying that it wouldn't even feel like subservience to her, that it's what she really, truly wants to do.
Oh, rubbish. Stuff and nonsense. Complete and utter tosh.
What planet are you living on?
You heard what you wanted to hear, and put a spin on it that accorded with what you wished to take from the relationship, and that is what you told yourself you wished to hear. And believe.
I felt incredibly flattered and decided to marry her since no one else had ever felt that way about me. If she had not given me that impression very clearly, I would not have expected her to be happy doing whatever makes me happy.
You know........one thing - even now, that is striking is how your happiness is the fulcrum around which everything revolves.
You have never once written about wishing to make her happy. Not once.
And this is not 'love' (even within the incredibly narrow constraints by which you bind, define and handcuff this word), but just wishing to put a smile on the face of someone you might - ever so slightly - care for, and putting some thought in advance as to how you might set about trying to achieve this result.
[doublepost=1467314982][/doublepost]
Since people keep mentioning the "racist" stuff, I'm going to have to put this out there.
Now: Ho, hum.
Really? You must 'put this out there'? And why, pray tell, must you 'put this out there' when you have never uttered as much as a single, solitary syllable in praise of your wife.
(Nothing on the lines of her evident kindness, courtesy, dignity, generosity of spirit, intelligence.....and, above all, nothing about what a wonderful mother she clearly is...)
I will tell you what I think:
It occurs to me that the only reason you have felt that you "are going to have to put this out there" (what an extraordinary sentence) is because many who have posted on the thread have shown sympathy, empathy, compassion and understanding for your wife, while clearly (and rightly) holding your somewhat retarded - er, traditional - and racist views quite correctly in complete contempt.
So, Master Stephen, in yet another gallant display of breathtaking generosity, decides to inform the thread that his wife holds similar views to him in the characteristically ungenerous hope that some of the scorn he has rightly been on the receiving end of, might just be directed her way.
I have long suspected that there is a 'self centred controlling' side (admitted by your good self) to your character; more recently, I had come to believe that the controlling side of your character which encourages dependency and resents displays of independence, is also parsimonious.
That is: Parsimonious with money, time, praise, support. But until now, I had not witnessed was I suspect may be a display of pure jealousy. Nothing else can explain quite the construction of the sentences in that paragraph but that you wish to reduce the stature of your wife in the eyes of those reading the thread.
Wow. That takes the biscuit.