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This is probably dumb advice but this is what I'd do. Since she is your tutor, you likely sit close to each other. Well, when the positioning is right, let your knee touch her knee and just leave it there. Just do it in an almost accidental way so you have a way out if she rejects you. If she pulls away right away, it might just be a reflex, no worries. But if she rubs for a while, or better yet, just leaves her knee willingly touching yours, score dude. Have the condoms ready. If she likes you she'll give you that extended look and then the smooching starts and all of that.

Take it with a grain of salt, but that's what I'd do. I definitely would not sneak in a kiss first. That's just mean unless she obviously wants it.

This way, no harm done. At least you can get a feel for where she is coming from. In my experience, girls don't want a polite, nice guy at that first encounter. That comes before or after the initial physical encounter. They want to be taken that first time, in a romantic but direct way. Don't say too much, you'll just kill the moment.

But if she pulls away, just accept and respect her decision. No words are necessary.

Oh, and have some Levitra ready (do a test run first). Sounds like you might be nervous the first time with her. No worries, it happens to the best of us.
 
Be yourself and be honest. It's no good for you to torture yourself about it - tell her how you feel and see if she feels the same way.

BTW - no big deal that she "met" someone else... they're not engaged or married, but if they start seeing eachother that might be a little tricky. Let her know before anything serious happens between them, just in case she's interested.

I know what it's like for love to sneek up on you... my boyfriend (who I've been with for over a year now) asked me out a bunch of times before I realized that I wanted to get to know him better "that way". We've been going strong ever since. Perhaps all she needs is a little nudge to help her realize there's probably something there :)

Good Luck with it! :)
 
whooleytoo said:
I've been receiving (private) Spanish lessons for about a year now...

I read through most of the replies, but it seems like your question boils down to this: "do I make a move or don't I?" I say make it. Any way it turns out, you'll at least know where you stand.

I think I speak for all of us when I say you darn well better post what happens :D
 
mcarnes said:
Have the condoms ready. If she likes you she'll give you that extended look and then the smooching starts and all of that.

One word to summarize this...Cinemax :p
 
No offense to anyone in this thread, but one big piece of advice for someone looking to enter a relationship: Never ever ever ever let the bitter condemnations of divorced people disuade you from whole heartedly and happily pursuing love.

Choose to be unflappably positive and optimistic. Make this one happen. And if it still doesn't work, then smile and move on to the next one.
 
iSaint said:
So what's the update?!?!??!?

Erm.. ok. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then here's a million; I'm a
chickens.jpeg
:eek:

We've had a couple of classes since, but I wasn't able to broach the topic. I don't know why it's so hard, but it is. It's a bit like trying to unleash a primal scream in a hushed library, the little voice inside is stopping you, whispering "Noo, don't do it! Don't mess with the status quo, doing nothing is sooo safe and easy". Grrrr.

However, things may come to a head anyway. I was buying some beautiful carved bamboo flutes a few weeks back, when it occurred to me it'd be a good idea to get one for her too. She loves Irish music and is always trying to play with my flutes; plus I love teaching. I gave it to her as she left the last class, so I'll find out her reaction at the next one (in a few hours): "It's beautiful, you shouldn't have" vs "What the hell was that for?" ;)

Ah, well..
whooleytoo
(a.k.a. The Procrastinachicken)
 
whooleytoo said:
However, things may come to a head anyway. I was buying some beautiful carved bamboo flutes a few weeks back, when it occurred to me it'd be a good idea to get one for her too. She loves Irish music and is always trying to play with my flutes; plus I love teaching. I gave it to her as she left the last class, so I'll find out her reaction at the next one (in a few hours): "It's beautiful, you shouldn't have" vs "What the hell was that for?" ;)

Do it tonight! Give her the flute (fnar fnar :p ), and then say it. Just do it, man. :D
 
Lau said:
As a girl, I say that if I was her and I fancied you, I'd really like you to say/do something.

Why wouldn't you do something? Why wait for him to grow a pair?
 
aloofman said:
Why wouldn't you do something? Why wait for him to grow a pair?

me said:
Oh, and everyone I've been out with has been in the friends zone first. And I am still friends with people who I've propositioned and who have propositioned me. It's only awkward if you make it so. :)

me said:
And on that note, I've made the first move on occasion. I've been successful and I've been knocked back.

I would do something. :rolleyes:

The reason I said what I did to whooleytwo was because I wanted him to realise that if he said something to her and she liked him she would be really pleased, and if she didn't like him that way it wouldn't be too awkward (i.e. the good far outweighs the bad).
 
CorvusCamenarum said:
The whole "friends first" notion is just a BS cop-out safety net. What she means is "I want you to make all the advances and take all the risks (and spend all the money), while I'm going to keep my options open, and if I decide to call it off for whatever reason, then in my mind we can go back to 'being friends' and I'm absolved of everything." If you hear "friends first", head for the nearest hill.

The only part of this I agree with is the last sentence. Always take someone at their word if they tell you they just want to be friends. And then leave it that way. And if you really can't stop wanting more, you have to stay away from her.

A few other thoughts:

If you're going to make a move, do it immediately. Set a personal cut-off date to give yourself motivation. Dragging this thing out is the worst thing you're doing and is driving you crazy, much more than if she said no.

Make that move away from a formal lesson. I agree that if she's in tutor-mode it will seem unprofessional. But in a more casual and friendly setting it would seem less risky. If nothing else, in friend-mode she'd be more likely to let you down easy.

Anyone who mentions a boy/girlfriend solely to inspire jealousy in someone else is not someone you should want to be with. It's a warning sign that more mind games are on the way. Or she got dumb advice from someone.
 
whooleytoo said:
You're probably right, I know; unfortunately I'm still a chicken (and a headless one, when it comes to women). To me, "40 Year Old Virgin" is a cautionary documentary.

Pity you can't buy a spine on the Internet, I really need one.


Hey, on the bright side it all worked out great for Steve Carrell's character at the end of the movie! ;) :D


JMO, at least your not some dude with a list a mile long of women you have slept with....sorry if I am offending anyone, but YUCK--that is a turn off to me. I am scared that I am not going to meet someone that hasn't slept with less than 50 women at this point! :eek:


Anyway, I say go for it. I like the advice someone said about being assertive but also don't make it like a big deal in case she is not in to it! Ya know, like no biggie! And then from that point at NORMAL!!!
 
Lau said:
I would do something. :rolleyes:

The reason I said what I did to whooleytwo was because I wanted him to realise that if he said something to her and she liked him she would be really pleased, and if she didn't like him that way it wouldn't be too awkward (i.e. the good far outweighs the bad).

OK. This is just a pet peeve of mine. It boggles my mind that anyone would rather pine for someone than take the initiative once.


macartistkel said:
JMO, at least your not some dude with a list a mile long of women you have slept with....sorry if I am offending anyone, but YUCK--that is a turn off to me. I am scared that I am not going to meet someone that hasn't slept with less than 50 women at this point! :eek:

Only a small percentage of guys have slept with 50 women, so that should be one of your smaller worries. I don't think the number is as important as the person's attitude toward sex when you meet them though. What if someone wasted a lot of time on casual sex and chose you after he finally learned that quality mattered? Wouldn't that be better than, say, a guy who's been with two women because he's been an antisocial dork his whole life? Circumstances matter.
 
Lau said:
Do it tonight! Give her the flute

:p :p :p for some reason, when I'm reading that... the accent that accompanies it, is Mouth from the Goonies. :eek: :p Though I like the way you're thinking girl. heehee
 
aloofman said:
OK. This is just a pet peeve of mine. It boggles my mind that anyone would rather pine for someone than take the initiative once.




Only a small percentage of guys have slept with 50 women, so that should be one of your smaller worries. I don't think the number is as important as the person's attitude toward sex when you meet them though. What if someone wasted a lot of time on casual sex and chose you after he finally learned that quality mattered? Wouldn't that be better than, say, a guy who's been with two women because he's been an antisocial dork his whole life? Circumstances matter.

Your right, sorry, I am having my own life crisis these days! I am probably too negative about anything dealing with relationships! :)
 
iGav said:
:p :p :p for some reason, when I'm reading that... the accent that accompanies it, is Mouth from the Goonies. :eek: :p Though I like the way you're thinking girl. heehee

Heh heh. :D

For a moment then I got Mouth mixed up with Sloth, which would also be a good voice to use, although might get a different reaction...:p "Aw you guys..."

:-D
 
vniow said:
I just got that. :eek:
I'll assume you meant the play on words...

whooleytoo - I'm shocked it's gone on this long! You need to step up or forget about it. Pining away in secrecy and hoping that if you drop enough hints that she'll get it will just leave you frustrated and her with another man.

I realize that it's against your nature to do this - but it's like taking a bandage off your arm. Sure, you can go slowly and hope not to pull too many hairs, but in the end it's better to just rip it off. Brief momentary pain as opposed to lengthy pain.

Besides, once you find out she's amenable to your proposition, you'll forget about the pain.

Of course, you'll also be sweating profusely, so bring a towel. ;)
 
macartistkel said:
Your right, sorry, I am having my own life crisis these days! I am probably too negative about anything dealing with relationships! :)

I hope that in time you'll get past that, and regain a more positive frame of mind. You can't ever let yourself end up bitter.
 
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