Engineer Jokes
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The
doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer after a pause said, "Why can't they play at night?"
- - - -
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
- - - -
Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
- - - -
During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, one morning's executions began with three men: a rabbi, a Catholic priest, and an engineer.
The rabbi was marched up onto the platform first. There, facing the guillotine, he was asked if he had any last words. And the rabbi cried out, "I believe in the one and only true God, and He shall save me." The executioner then positioned the rabbi below the blade, set the block above his neck, and pulled the cord to set the terrible instrument in motion. The heavy cleaver plunged downward, searing the air. But then, abruptly, it stopped with a crack just a few inches above the would-be victim's neck. To which the rabbi said, "I told you so."
"It's a miracle!" gasped the crowd. And the executioner had to agree, letting the rabbi go.
Next in line was the priest. Asked for his final words, he declared, "I believe in Jesus Christ -- the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost -- who will rescue me in my hour of need." The executioner then positioned this man beneath the blade. And he pulled the cord. Again the blade flew downward -- thump! creak! -- stopping just short of its mark once more.
"Another miracle!" sighed the disappointed crowd. And the executioner for the second time had no choice but to let the condemned go free.
Now it was the engineer's turn. "What final words have _you_ to say?" he was asked. But the engineer didn't hear. Staring intently at the ominous engine of death, he seemed lost. Not until the executioner poked him in the ribs and the question was asked again did he reply. "Oh, I see your problem," the engineer said pointing. "You've got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there!"
