Got a tip for us?
Let us know
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.
jokes - looking for
- Thread starter gallagb
- Start date
- Sort by reaction score
2 sausages in a frying pan, one says to the other 'By, its hot in here' the other screams '****in Hell! A talking sausage'
2 fish in a tank, one says to the other 'Can you drive this thing?'
2 Parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other 'Can you smell fish?'
2 cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other 'Does this taste a bit funny to you?'
Thank you, and good night.
2 fish in a tank, one says to the other 'Can you drive this thing?'
2 Parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other 'Can you smell fish?'
2 cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other 'Does this taste a bit funny to you?'
Thank you, and good night.
So two atoms were talking when the first atom said to the other, "you know i've been kinda sad lately, I lost an electron"
The second atom said, "oh no, that's so sad, are you sure?"
The first atom replied... "yea, I'm positive."
===
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at
the same time."
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your penis is bigger
than your brother's."
The second atom said, "oh no, that's so sad, are you sure?"
The first atom replied... "yea, I'm positive."
===
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at
the same time."
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your penis is bigger
than your brother's."
Two philosophers were out walking when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their bedroom windows.
The first philosopher turned to the other and said "Of course you know they will never come to an agreement."
"Why's that?" asked his colleague.
"Because they are arguing from different premises..."
The first philosopher turned to the other and said "Of course you know they will never come to an agreement."
"Why's that?" asked his colleague.
"Because they are arguing from different premises..."
A guy walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender immediatly says, "Buddy, we don't allow dogs in here."
The man replies, "but this isn't an ordinary dog- this dog can talk. If I can prove it, can he stay?"
So the bartender agrees that if the man can prove that the dog can talk, he can stay.
The man turns to the dog and says, "What does sandpaper feel like?"
The dog replies, "Rough!"
The bartender doesn't fall for it and tells the man to try again.
The man again turns to dog and this time asks, "What is on top of a house?"
The dog replies, "Roof!"
Now the bartender is getting agitated and tells the man to get out. But the man is able to convince the bartender to give him one more shot.
This time the man asks the dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"
The dog replies, "Ruth!"
The bartender has had enough and throws the man and the dog out of the bar.
Laying on the street outside the bar, the dog turns to the man and says, "Should I have said Dimaggio?"
The man replies, "but this isn't an ordinary dog- this dog can talk. If I can prove it, can he stay?"
So the bartender agrees that if the man can prove that the dog can talk, he can stay.
The man turns to the dog and says, "What does sandpaper feel like?"
The dog replies, "Rough!"
The bartender doesn't fall for it and tells the man to try again.
The man again turns to dog and this time asks, "What is on top of a house?"
The dog replies, "Roof!"
Now the bartender is getting agitated and tells the man to get out. But the man is able to convince the bartender to give him one more shot.
This time the man asks the dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"
The dog replies, "Ruth!"
The bartender has had enough and throws the man and the dog out of the bar.
Laying on the street outside the bar, the dog turns to the man and says, "Should I have said Dimaggio?"
LOL
I was choosing between Stalin and Roosevelt.... and you.
The choice now is obvious.
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.
You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.
I'll be sure to tell that one to my brother the drummer.
wmmk may make fun of viola players, but I prefer to tease my brother by telling him he plays the drums instead of a "real" instrument. And he makes fun of trumpet players to get even with me.
Here's another one for you...
How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
Because he doesn't know when to come in.