Alright, here it goes. This may be a bit long but I'm just curious to get as many opinions as possible on this.
My girlfriend (age 21, I'm 22) worked at a private client bank and worked with a 30 year old man who would hit on her at work. Around Christmas time for the staff party, they were both there with other people drinking (of course) and he had the idea that he was going to sleep with her that night and when it didn't happen he was upset/angry. Apparently someone had told him she could be his date to encourage him to come to the party or something. Nothing happened but that's just a little background info.
Fast forward to now: My girlfriend studied abroad for 4 months in England and got back a few days ago. Things between us are great. I went and visited her for 2+ weeks and it was amazing. I had my convocation yesterday and her and her family were there and things are all good. So yesterday afternoon she texted me saying that "Dave" (not his real name) wanted to catch up and hang out and she asked if I was alright with that.
At first I said yeah sure... but then I remembered that Dave was this 30 year old from work who hit on her and wanted to sleep with her at the staff party. So I ask her if he's the same guy... she says yes. This same guy no longer works at the bank with my girlfriend... he lives 2 hours away but for whatever reason is in town every now and then and stays in a hotel. He asked her to visit him at his hotel room to watch the hockey game with him and catch up.
At this point... I'm trying to stay calm because of the fact she even thought about going.. and we have about a half hour long conversation about how I feel that it is a bad idea and that she should meet him somewhere else like at a coffee shop or a restaurant... or go with a group of girls. By the end of the conversation I had got my point across with some very good arguments and she had essentially said "Okay, you're right. I didn't think about that. Yeah" - I got a bunch of answers like that. I have no problem if she hangs out with the guy, but I had a big problem with hanging out in his hotel room watching the hockey game (most TVs are set up infront of the beds in hotel rooms to begin with). Even the hotel bar I had no problem with.
I heard nothing about it for a few hours.
Then at 930pm she texted me saying she asked him if they could hang out in the hotel restaurant or something instead. He said "Well there's chairs and couches in the hotel.. don't have to go near the bed" and that was good enough for her. She told me she could "guage the situation" and she "trusts herself to not let anything happen." I said "I trust YOU, I don't trust HIM. You are putting yourself in a 100% avoidable situation and you truly do not know what will happen." I could go on and on but there's just so many reasons why this is a stupid idea. I feel like there's no reason she should be at his hotel room alone with her when she doesn't have to be. So she ends up going to this 30 year old's hotel room at 10:15pm to watch the "hockey game" (which was half way in the third period at this point) and was there until 12:20am. I sent her a text or two while she was there and she was like "everything's fine. Don't worry" but I'm pissed off at the fact that she KNEW exactly how I felt about it and didn't feel like she should go and she went anyways.
I feel the situation is escalated in the sense that he hit on her at work previously and was upset when he wasn't able to sleep with her and was now inviting her to his hotel room 4 months later without having seen each other. I asked her... if she was in my shoes... and I met a 30 year old girl who hit on me at work and asked me to her hotel room and I went even after she told me she didn't want me to... how would she feel?? "I guess I'd be upset..." was something along the lines to the response I got.
Of course she feels like her decision was okay because "nothing happened" in the end and it makes it harder to get my point across that this was a stupid thing to do.
Am I right in thinking she shouldn't have gone to his hotel room? So late at night? With a 30 year old who is sexually attracted to her? She is a fairly small girl if it came to it and someone wanted to over power her it wouldn't be an issue. Which is frightening.
When I suggested going to get coffee or something she said "but then it's more like a date and I don't want to be seen in public with him. And I wanted to leave whenever I wanted" (This seems completely reasonable to do at coffee as well and I'm pretty sure coffee isn't a date unless they both make it to be and is better than a hotel room).
Sorry if this seems like a big rant, I'm just pretty frustrated as she's a smart girl and things between us are great and then this comes up out of nowhere. The bottom line is she went even after how against it she knew that I was. And the fact that I don't think there's any reason at all she should ever be near his hotel room alone. This all happened last night.
TL;DR. 21 year old girlfriend gets invited to 30 year old guys hotel room from work to catch up after her study abroad in England. He hits on her at work and was angry he didn't get to sleep with her at the staff Christmas party. I tell her I think its a bad idea and she says okay and ends up going to his room at 10pm anyways
Any advice MR? Should I confront her, be angry, ignore it, break up with her? She completely went against my feelings and went. I still can't believe it. I'm 100% sure nothing happened but that's not the point to me...
My girlfriend (age 21, I'm 22) worked at a private client bank and worked with a 30 year old man who would hit on her at work. Around Christmas time for the staff party, they were both there with other people drinking (of course) and he had the idea that he was going to sleep with her that night and when it didn't happen he was upset/angry. Apparently someone had told him she could be his date to encourage him to come to the party or something. Nothing happened but that's just a little background info.
Fast forward to now: My girlfriend studied abroad for 4 months in England and got back a few days ago. Things between us are great. I went and visited her for 2+ weeks and it was amazing. I had my convocation yesterday and her and her family were there and things are all good. So yesterday afternoon she texted me saying that "Dave" (not his real name) wanted to catch up and hang out and she asked if I was alright with that.
At first I said yeah sure... but then I remembered that Dave was this 30 year old from work who hit on her and wanted to sleep with her at the staff party. So I ask her if he's the same guy... she says yes. This same guy no longer works at the bank with my girlfriend... he lives 2 hours away but for whatever reason is in town every now and then and stays in a hotel. He asked her to visit him at his hotel room to watch the hockey game with him and catch up.
At this point... I'm trying to stay calm because of the fact she even thought about going.. and we have about a half hour long conversation about how I feel that it is a bad idea and that she should meet him somewhere else like at a coffee shop or a restaurant... or go with a group of girls. By the end of the conversation I had got my point across with some very good arguments and she had essentially said "Okay, you're right. I didn't think about that. Yeah" - I got a bunch of answers like that. I have no problem if she hangs out with the guy, but I had a big problem with hanging out in his hotel room watching the hockey game (most TVs are set up infront of the beds in hotel rooms to begin with). Even the hotel bar I had no problem with.
I heard nothing about it for a few hours.
Then at 930pm she texted me saying she asked him if they could hang out in the hotel restaurant or something instead. He said "Well there's chairs and couches in the hotel.. don't have to go near the bed" and that was good enough for her. She told me she could "guage the situation" and she "trusts herself to not let anything happen." I said "I trust YOU, I don't trust HIM. You are putting yourself in a 100% avoidable situation and you truly do not know what will happen." I could go on and on but there's just so many reasons why this is a stupid idea. I feel like there's no reason she should be at his hotel room alone with her when she doesn't have to be. So she ends up going to this 30 year old's hotel room at 10:15pm to watch the "hockey game" (which was half way in the third period at this point) and was there until 12:20am. I sent her a text or two while she was there and she was like "everything's fine. Don't worry" but I'm pissed off at the fact that she KNEW exactly how I felt about it and didn't feel like she should go and she went anyways.
I feel the situation is escalated in the sense that he hit on her at work previously and was upset when he wasn't able to sleep with her and was now inviting her to his hotel room 4 months later without having seen each other. I asked her... if she was in my shoes... and I met a 30 year old girl who hit on me at work and asked me to her hotel room and I went even after she told me she didn't want me to... how would she feel?? "I guess I'd be upset..." was something along the lines to the response I got.
Of course she feels like her decision was okay because "nothing happened" in the end and it makes it harder to get my point across that this was a stupid thing to do.
Am I right in thinking she shouldn't have gone to his hotel room? So late at night? With a 30 year old who is sexually attracted to her? She is a fairly small girl if it came to it and someone wanted to over power her it wouldn't be an issue. Which is frightening.
When I suggested going to get coffee or something she said "but then it's more like a date and I don't want to be seen in public with him. And I wanted to leave whenever I wanted" (This seems completely reasonable to do at coffee as well and I'm pretty sure coffee isn't a date unless they both make it to be and is better than a hotel room).
Sorry if this seems like a big rant, I'm just pretty frustrated as she's a smart girl and things between us are great and then this comes up out of nowhere. The bottom line is she went even after how against it she knew that I was. And the fact that I don't think there's any reason at all she should ever be near his hotel room alone. This all happened last night.
TL;DR. 21 year old girlfriend gets invited to 30 year old guys hotel room from work to catch up after her study abroad in England. He hits on her at work and was angry he didn't get to sleep with her at the staff Christmas party. I tell her I think its a bad idea and she says okay and ends up going to his room at 10pm anyways
Any advice MR? Should I confront her, be angry, ignore it, break up with her? She completely went against my feelings and went. I still can't believe it. I'm 100% sure nothing happened but that's not the point to me...
