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My girlfriend, a hotel room, and a 30 year old
- Thread starter haiggy
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Yeah, I can't understand what would make someone reply to this sort of thread.
Oh, wait
Let's see...gf meets up in a hotel lounge with dude who she knows wants to sex her up. Hangs out a bit and then heads up to his room for a couple hours until past midnight, puts her panties back on then goes home (just filling in the blanks on that last bit).
umm, yeah dude. You got to dump her. Cut off all contact. If she loves you let her beg you to take her back, and if you love her maybe you will eventually under very strict conditions. Otherwise you're just a doormat and she will dump you as soon as something better comes along.
umm, yeah dude. You got to dump her. Cut off all contact. If she loves you let her beg you to take her back, and if you love her maybe you will eventually under very strict conditions. Otherwise you're just a doormat and she will dump you as soon as something better comes along.
Bingo..... If you trust her, that should be the end of it. Doesn't matter if the guy was hitting on her etc. She didn't do anything with and never gave you an concern about it. So I would chalk it up to, you gave advice she said she would handle it, she handled it move on. Be happy together. No reason to let this eat at you!
Hey man, I read the thread and I'm close enough in age to you to level with you for a second.
I had a girlfriend like this in the past, and trust me, she said the same things, put herself in the same situations, and said everything was fine...
But she wasn't watching a hockey game in a hotel room with any older man.
If your girl doesn't prefer hanging out with you over not only other guys, but her own friends, then you are not romantically involved. You are in a holding pattern wasting time in a relationship that won't work when you could be single finding a girl that doesn't pull this crap and make you question the morals and grounds of your sound, rational instincts.
She has to go.
Your gut instincts are never wrong. Never.
I had a girlfriend like this in the past, and trust me, she said the same things, put herself in the same situations, and said everything was fine...
But she wasn't watching a hockey game in a hotel room with any older man.
If your girl doesn't prefer hanging out with you over not only other guys, but her own friends, then you are not romantically involved. You are in a holding pattern wasting time in a relationship that won't work when you could be single finding a girl that doesn't pull this crap and make you question the morals and grounds of your sound, rational instincts.
She has to go.
Your gut instincts are never wrong. Never.
You're making the mistake of thinking cheating is always premeditated and logical.
Nah it's still possible she didn't do anything with the guy. Especially if Hotel Guy has no game and f'd up
I'm mostly in agreement with leekohler. The guy is clearly a snake in the grass, and everyone knows it. But you two are into each other, and the guy is some kind of friend/ex-coworker that she hasn't seen in a while. So I'd say this was one of three main scenarios:
1. She's damn clueless about what he's going for, and needed you to spell out all the implications of a late evening rendezvous in a hotel bedroom. Well, only you know, is she really that naive?
2. She's flirting with the idea of maybe staying faithful, or maybe getting with that guy, and was just going to feel out the situation. Only you know, is she trustworthy, is she fully into you, are things going well between you two?
3. She knows the guy has an agenda, but doesn't give a rats ass because she knows she's not going to go for it. Coffee shop, hotel bedroom, sex dungeon, doesn't matter to her, she's not interested. Wants to catch up, might have been manipulated or guilted into going, but nothing's going to happen.
The tough bitch of it is, if we was in scenario #3, then acting all distrusting is probably hugely offensive to her, since she knows she's solid. If she's in scenario #2, then it gets grey because of course you should stand up for yourself, but also if she's not all that into you, it might be best to see how far she strays so you know to kick her to the curb.
It sounds like you clearly communicated everything to her, although it's not clear how much you listened to her, or simply asked her what her motivations were.
I wouldn't assume she'd cheated, but I'd ask very specific questions, and explore any ambiguity of the responses.
And it does raise the question, as to why she caved on going to the room instead of the hotel bar. Is she weak willed and easily manipulated? Personally I'd have no problem saying no, but some people are really conflict adverse, and can get into situations they don't like if the other person is forceful enough.
Yeah, sounds like a pleaser, and conflict adverse personality. She "knows" you'll understand since you're probably reasonable and communicate well enough, but might not want to deal with the hassle of pushing back against his requests because he's not as close. It's a bit of a paradigm shift for people like to realise they have to put their close people first.
Again, it's all in calmly, non-accusatorially, simply asking what happened. And following up any ambiguity with more probing questions.
What hasn't been said is what kinda friendship your gf and the dude have - is it a long time relationship? Or is it someone she met at the party and you didn't expect to hear from again? It sounds like she just met him at the party, and that sounds totally odd.
Maybe she's testing you lol.
Some of the posts in this thread are rather shocking for what seems like such a liberal audience. I wouldn't expect a gf to dump all of her friends just because I was her bf, and I wouldn't expect her to kill off her social life to spend all of her time with me.
Oh well, human socialization is unbelievably awkward sometimes
Maybe she's testing you lol.
Some of the posts in this thread are rather shocking for what seems like such a liberal audience. I wouldn't expect a gf to dump all of her friends just because I was her bf, and I wouldn't expect her to kill off her social life to spend all of her time with me.
Oh well, human socialization is unbelievably awkward sometimes
He was a co-worker at work. I was told (by her) that he flirts with her. She's only ever seen him outside of work one time besides the hotel night (which was the staff Christmas party) -- to my knowledge. There is nothing of her invested into this dude which makes it puzzling as to why she even bothered seeing him.
Bruins vs Canucks.. gonna ask her what the score was tonight lol
Thanks for your post, it seems thought out and you have made very good points. What's hard for me is that if she didn't cheat (and I don't think she did), the way I approach her about this or get upset about it can open up other problems which is absolutely ridiculous. lol
If she cheated it won't be the last time and you will catch her.
Use protection. Trust her.
Or
Don't trust her and break up.
Even having a talk with her is futile. It's on you. If you trust her you trust her, if you don't you don't...decide..and be realistic. The fact you are posting this means there's doubt. That doubt will eat at you and ruin the relationship anyway..either decide to trust her, or break up...if you can't believe her, there's no point in continuing.
Use protection. Trust her.
Or
Don't trust her and break up.
Even having a talk with her is futile. It's on you. If you trust her you trust her, if you don't you don't...decide..and be realistic. The fact you are posting this means there's doubt. That doubt will eat at you and ruin the relationship anyway..either decide to trust her, or break up...if you can't believe her, there's no point in continuing.
I believe her that she's telling the truth. I'm more interested in whether or not I'm justified in being upset that she went when I strongly suggested that it was a bad idea and that I didn't want her going. Does that fall on me that I don't trust her? Because I trust her to never cheat, I'm never concerned about her cheating and I never get like this in any other situations. And as I said if she went out for coffee with him or something I'm completely fine with it. When it's brought to a hotel room I feel it becomes a different situation and atmosphere that isn't necessary to catch up in lol
So am I justified in being angry or upset with the fact she went even against my feelings? Seems like everybody is split either yes or some people think not. That if I really trust her then it's fine (but then I point out that I don't know the guy, I'm concerned about him with my trust. He's shown interested in her and wanted to sleep with her knowing she had a boyfriend.. what's to stop him in his hotel room? Sure she could try to stop him...)
That's pretty irrelevant. She probably went to see him, not the game, even though he invited her to see the game.
You're always justified for the feelings that you feel. Not wanting a girlfriend to be in such an obviously retarded situation is justified. And not caring is justified. The next step is when we seek to determine implications from people's actions, and jumpt to conclusions, and then have feelings based on those assumptions. That's where communication comes in, to find out what the real implications are, and not the imagined ones. Then, whatever feelings you have from that, are again always justified.
Some people just have different boundaries, and so are not really compatible. And some people are just young and inexperienced and don't realise the implications of their actions. And some people just aren't all that into you.
I know! It's like, Jesus, you're the one in the damn hotel room, why am I apologising!
I think that underlying this is the feeling that he is disrespecting you, and not wanting her to facilitate it and enable it. Because that becomes dangerously close to her disrespecting you. And maybe she just hasn't realised that implication, since she feels that she won't cross any line herself.
Just makes me wonder what she has done for the last 3.5 years without your knowledge. Weird she would do this after 3.5 years out of the blue.