D.T.
macrumors G4
Well, this the Wolfgang Puck's he was talking about ...
She's pretty ...
Think she moved on, feel awful
- Thread starter Hieveryone
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Well, this the Wolfgang Puck's he was talking about ...
She's pretty ...
bunnspecial
macrumors G3
I'll attempt to give a serious answer, since I think this post from the OP might actually be legitimate.
In any case, as others have said, you all-from what you've described-had two good dates and most likely for whatever reasons she decided it wasn't working. 2 dates is still barely into getting to know a person territory, not exactly a commitment.
For whatever reason, it's looks like her way of telling you that it's not working is to "ghost" you. To be honest, I think that's a cowardly way out, but it's easier than having to say "it's not working." At the same time, though, you admit to doing the same thing yourself multiple times. I've been on dates where I knew before the end of the first date that I didn't want to go on a second, or even been talking to girls where I just didn't feel any connection and never asked them out-I've always given the courtesy of saying "Sorry, you're a great young lady but I don't see any potential here" and I've had girls do the same to me. On the receiving end, yes it stinks, but it's a lot better than dragging things out and getting even more emotionally invested-trust me that the let-down from that is a LOT harder.
I admit I'd be upset to be ghosted after a second date-even if she doesn't see it working, I think that's worth at least a phone call to explain it, or a text at a minimum.
Perhaps, though, it's worth looking at yourself. Maybe she saw something in you that made her think you wouldn't take kindly to rejection and decided that ghosting you was her best/safest option for her own sake. If the amount of immaturity shown in this thread is any indication of how you act in real life, I can see her getting that feel and perhaps that was her motivation behind ending things too.
In hindsight, I look at some of the times I've been absolutely devastated after losing a girl in my life to "it's not going to work"-sometimes after a date or two, sometimes after some time in a relationship, and sometimes when I've thought things were going somewhere before there even being a date-I can see now that things really never would have worked as much as I wanted them to at the time. It was always for the better, even though it might have seemed like the world was ending at the time.
In any case, as others have said, you all-from what you've described-had two good dates and most likely for whatever reasons she decided it wasn't working. 2 dates is still barely into getting to know a person territory, not exactly a commitment.
For whatever reason, it's looks like her way of telling you that it's not working is to "ghost" you. To be honest, I think that's a cowardly way out, but it's easier than having to say "it's not working." At the same time, though, you admit to doing the same thing yourself multiple times. I've been on dates where I knew before the end of the first date that I didn't want to go on a second, or even been talking to girls where I just didn't feel any connection and never asked them out-I've always given the courtesy of saying "Sorry, you're a great young lady but I don't see any potential here" and I've had girls do the same to me. On the receiving end, yes it stinks, but it's a lot better than dragging things out and getting even more emotionally invested-trust me that the let-down from that is a LOT harder.
I admit I'd be upset to be ghosted after a second date-even if she doesn't see it working, I think that's worth at least a phone call to explain it, or a text at a minimum.
Perhaps, though, it's worth looking at yourself. Maybe she saw something in you that made her think you wouldn't take kindly to rejection and decided that ghosting you was her best/safest option for her own sake. If the amount of immaturity shown in this thread is any indication of how you act in real life, I can see her getting that feel and perhaps that was her motivation behind ending things too.
In hindsight, I look at some of the times I've been absolutely devastated after losing a girl in my life to "it's not going to work"-sometimes after a date or two, sometimes after some time in a relationship, and sometimes when I've thought things were going somewhere before there even being a date-I can see now that things really never would have worked as much as I wanted them to at the time. It was always for the better, even though it might have seemed like the world was ending at the time.
Huntn
macrumors Penryn
How old are you? I did not see an answer when it was asked before.
I am not implying this is you, but “needy” is a turn off for many people. The person who controls the relationship has the least interest in it. You need to be that person, be ready for a couple of dates not to always work out, and don’t go to pieces if you get dropped.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
like never has it happened to me that the last thing that happens is we passionately make out, she says text me, and Then never speak again. That too after a second date, not the first
sounds like a scene from the Titanic or something
And frankly it’s not even just that it’s everything that she said to like hanging out all the time.
we even scheduled a third AND fourth date!!!!!!!!!!!
——————————
Not kidding folks,
I should’ve mentioned this.
we scheduled a third and fourth date!!!!
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Gutwrench
Suspended
tmi
Scepticalscribe
macrumors Haswell
But the important thing - right? - is that you got your retaliation in first.
But, you "don't care", for, after all, everyone gets "ghosted", why - you've even ghosted her (so there! ha!).
And no, it doesn't sound "like scene from The Titanic" - that was a tragedy, (remember? - as it may have slipped your mind - but Jack died) but rather, like a light farce.
The only thing that is different from your more usual experience, is that you got ghosted, rather than proactively being the person actually doing the ghosting.
This is hurt pride, and not a Shakespearean tragedy.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
Well yeah of course my pride and ego were hit. This was the first time. Being ghosted. I ghost, I don’t get ghosted.
But more than that I just feel bad it didn’t work out. She’s really hot and felt like we would have a lot of fun over the next many months (or maybe even years!)
Scepticalscribe
macrumors Haswell
You get ghosted now.
And will get ghosted in the future.
As I have already posted, sauce for goose, extra spicy sauce for gander.
bunnspecial
macrumors G3
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
but it ain’t even about that like Idont care.
i just wanted it to work out and wanted to know why it didn’t but whatever I’m so over it
I don’t care anymore I’ll find someone else
/endthread thanks
ucfgrad93
macrumors Core
Well, apparently you just did. Have to say, I don't feel bad seeing you knocked down a peg or two. You seem to have quite the ego and are full of yourself.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
well I ghosted her first a few months ago. But I don’t care about my ego it’s honestly not about that.
Scheduling a 3rd and 4th date, the great conversation, the talk about hanging out all the time at each other’s places, the making out
and then nothing? Gone? Why?
that’s what shocked me
Scepticalscribe
macrumors Haswell
If you "don't care" and "are so over it" - and have posted gleefully here that "I guess we're even" when you realised that you had already ghosted her, why does this matter to you at all apart from bruised ego and wounded pride?
Because - from her perspective - clearly, there was nothing in it and no reason to continue with it.
iluvmacs99
macrumors 6502a
OP, you are over analyzing it. 2 dates are not enough to form a concrete understanding of what happened. Basically, you were dating someone who was unpredictable at least to you. You predicted or assumed that she would come back for the 3rd and 4th date, but that is based on your personal subjective experience with her. However, you are assuming that she should or must have the identical subjective experience as you did and you are upset at the fact that she did not respond to your expectation. So, you became anxious, nervous or even upset that you may have done something wrong to curtail the potential for a 3rd or 4th date, perhaps because you may have enjoyed the making out with her.
Unfortunately, based on my personal experience, that she has her own mind and her own subjective experience and potentially her availability amongst other men. She may have been shopping around for a new potential BF that could provide exactly the subjective experience she was looking for. She was trying you out; or perhaps more transparently, she was test driving your personality and your sexual performance and then compare that to her point based system of other men she had slept with or been with. She wanted to find a new BF that would rival or exceed the experience she had with her last best BF or partner. You simply didn't make the mustard I'm afraid. The pretty and slim ones are the most pickiest in terms of the best man experience, just because they had tasted the best and wanted the best. The fact that she allowed a first and second date meant and dumped you. You should be considered lucky. A serious potential GF would think about what she needs to get to know you before even thinking of sex. When a person thinks about sex first, that means she will use sex to control you. That is typically a person who is a cluster B personality type; known as energy vampires who can suck you dry. Typically relationship with these vampires last from 2 dates to 2 years roughly. I'm not only speaking from experience, but there were a couple of scientific studies conducted which identified these people (men and women). Dr. Christiane Northtrup M.D is an expert in this area.
Suffice to say, if you're looking for sex only and lots of drama, date these women. They are easy to have sex and will keep you if you meet up to their standards, because sex is their currency. The drama is where they suck the life out of you by causing you to have anxiety, shortness of breath, nervousness, depression etc and then by making up with you with sex. It's up to you to decide whether you desire to keep experiencing women who continually control you by setting you up on the scale or else look for women who truly respect who you truly are.
Unfortunately, based on my personal experience, that she has her own mind and her own subjective experience and potentially her availability amongst other men. She may have been shopping around for a new potential BF that could provide exactly the subjective experience she was looking for. She was trying you out; or perhaps more transparently, she was test driving your personality and your sexual performance and then compare that to her point based system of other men she had slept with or been with. She wanted to find a new BF that would rival or exceed the experience she had with her last best BF or partner. You simply didn't make the mustard I'm afraid. The pretty and slim ones are the most pickiest in terms of the best man experience, just because they had tasted the best and wanted the best. The fact that she allowed a first and second date meant and dumped you. You should be considered lucky. A serious potential GF would think about what she needs to get to know you before even thinking of sex. When a person thinks about sex first, that means she will use sex to control you. That is typically a person who is a cluster B personality type; known as energy vampires who can suck you dry. Typically relationship with these vampires last from 2 dates to 2 years roughly. I'm not only speaking from experience, but there were a couple of scientific studies conducted which identified these people (men and women). Dr. Christiane Northtrup M.D is an expert in this area.
Suffice to say, if you're looking for sex only and lots of drama, date these women. They are easy to have sex and will keep you if you meet up to their standards, because sex is their currency. The drama is where they suck the life out of you by causing you to have anxiety, shortness of breath, nervousness, depression etc and then by making up with you with sex. It's up to you to decide whether you desire to keep experiencing women who continually control you by setting you up on the scale or else look for women who truly respect who you truly are.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
bruh I think you’re on to something because this sounds exactly like my situation.
I feel like she’s controlling me because she’s super hot and dresses like a...”professional” even though she’s not at all lol
Massive heels, red lipstick, etc
iluvmacs99
macrumors 6502a
When someone wants control over his or her subjective experience with someone, that usually means that someone is afraid of experiencing a particular situation/condition because that person somehow got hurt being exactly in that situation, haven't healed from the hurt/pain/suffering of that past situation and then reacted to protect him or herself by now controlling that situation. In dating, the person will do everything he or she can to control his or her situation so he or she does not repeat past events, thus not getting hurt by that experience ever again. This can translate to how that person dresses, acts, talks, walks etc. Essentially, that person isn't real. It's like the person is wearing some sort of costume and acting it out a part that's not even true to her. You saw through that; so then why are you getting upset about her. She's not even a real her; the authentic her. However, that is her choice to wear a mask and be someone who she's not. You don't have to.
There's always a saying that "Like attracts like". Meaning that if someone attracts a person who has a control personality, then some of that control is in you as well. It's a sense how the universe shows us what we need to see. Usually the control aspect comes from the fact that we do not want to experience life fully; the bad, the worse and the good. So we learned from experience that you can control the outcome and only experience the good in life, while evading the bad experiences. But in the same process, you will also attract people who will do the same and judges you based on how they subjectively see you and evaluate you based on their experiences with people like you and judges you that way. Yes it's unfair, but trust me, women who do this will not be fun for very long. And so will they as they seek out the next greener pasture. People who like to control their own experiences are people who really need to heal. When you heal and treat all experiences as basically an experience, whether they are good or bad is when you will meet people with the same ideals. They want to know you based on who you are; not some standards they developed because they got hurt in the past by some other guys.
There's always a saying that "Like attracts like". Meaning that if someone attracts a person who has a control personality, then some of that control is in you as well. It's a sense how the universe shows us what we need to see. Usually the control aspect comes from the fact that we do not want to experience life fully; the bad, the worse and the good. So we learned from experience that you can control the outcome and only experience the good in life, while evading the bad experiences. But in the same process, you will also attract people who will do the same and judges you based on how they subjectively see you and evaluate you based on their experiences with people like you and judges you that way. Yes it's unfair, but trust me, women who do this will not be fun for very long. And so will they as they seek out the next greener pasture. People who like to control their own experiences are people who really need to heal. When you heal and treat all experiences as basically an experience, whether they are good or bad is when you will meet people with the same ideals. They want to know you based on who you are; not some standards they developed because they got hurt in the past by some other guys.
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Hieveryone
macrumors 603
I didn’t understand some of this bc it’s really deep but you are smart as heck man. I agree with you on what I understood.
it’s basically like a game but the reward is the hot girl, so I guess I gotta go through some pain
can’t blame me tho haha
Also, how do I manage her? Like I texted her twice and I’m done.
if she responds great if not I’m not about to chase her.
I’ll just find someone else. It’s not worth the headache.
iluvmacs99
macrumors 6502a
I suggest you don't manage her nor try to manipulate her to come back to you. Basically, she had found someone else; otherwise if her prospects were low and perhaps she may had been while you were on the 1st date with her, she would actually continue with you on the 3rd, 4th or longer, but eventually though she would dump you the minute she found her next best man. You are always living on borrowed time with a person suffering from control personality. As I said before; these women are great for physical sex and if you're into that type of thing and not into a human loving relationship, then go for those women. I enjoyed them for a few decades myself; all types shapes and sizes, until I woke up and seek for a true human loving relationship.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
how would she find a better prospect than me? I mean...not too many guys like me would cross her path. You would just have to take my word on this one.
ucfgrad93
macrumors Core
Yep, you are definitely God's gift to women. /sarcasm
bunnspecial
macrumors G3
If your personna on here is any reflection of how you are in real life, I think it's safe to say two things:
1. No indeed will someone like you cross her path
2. That's probably the most likely explanation for the whole situation that prompted this thread
iluvmacs99
macrumors 6502a
In my experience, the first few minutes of the first date would determine if the woman will either sleep with you or not. Her body language; her attitude and actions, but then you told us that she wanted to sleep with you when she first saw you. At least, that part was honest. So what changed her mind after the 2nd date when she may had been giving the signals to you that you are good for the 3rd and 4th? She's a professional. It's a business deal. It fell through because there was a better deal somewhere else. It's the way they conduct business. Very professional for these ladies.
Hieveryone
macrumors 603
I don’t think anyone could offer her more than me. This is not Manhattan where there a lot of very wealthy and attractive men who don’t mind buying their girlfriend a new Ferrari
again you’ll just have to take my word for it
Btw she’s not an actual professional by profession but yea the mindset is definitely there.
I’m willing to give her a lot of luxury and gifts and help with her expenses, more than you would probably think and she knows that
tranceking26
macrumors 65816
lol what is macrumors a dating advice forum too now?
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