Lol. I'm with you brother. My eyes were starting to glaze over. As far as your question goes, I brought that up myself some months ago. People swatted me down like they were offended at such a idea. I personally don't see what the problem would be. There would be a "Switch" to turn it off and if you don't want a touchscreen laptop you just turn it off. People that want it like you and me can turn it on. That simple and eventually it will be available on a Mac. I would say within 2 or 3 years
Its not that simple.
Cos for what your suggesting to work, you need a full re design of OSX.
If they would just add touch screen now, it would be very awkward to use, because the OS is not optimized for it.
Win 8 is the other way around. Its been optimized for touch, so all who don't have it whines cos its much more user unfriendly, if you don't have touch.
So if Apple where moving to touch on their laptops, we would have seen big changes in OSX before hand.
Also if they moved to touch, their stationary computers would have to be changed to touch also, and be even more awkward to use then the laptops.
If you have tried touch on a laptop, you quickly find out its very uncomfortable. Sure you can do small thing like scrolling with just your thumb, like some one said.
But that is far from all you do. Having to move your whole arm to press things on a near vertical screen, is not good ergonomically.
And just imagine having to use it on a 25-35" screen. Just to press things on different sides of the screen would be agonizing.
Now some would say: Yes but you could use both mouse and touch.
That is true. But then you have to use either one hand on the screen, and the other on the mouse. Or move your hand between the mouse and the screen.
In the end its just much more simple and ergonomic, to not use the touch.
The only realm where a touch screen could work, is on a maximum of maybe a 11" laptop. But even there, it would be easier to use the mouse.
And optimizing OSX for a 11" would be bonkers.
A tablet is a totally different story, cos you hold the tablet with 1 or 2 hands.
And the iOS is optimized for touch.
Conclusion: Apple moving to touch with computers looking like they do today, would be one of the worst moves they can do.