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Your help on this positively crazy relationship

Just remember, if you ever doubt your decision and wonder why you're doing this to yourself, and to her, just remember that any relationship where one person relies too much on the other will never make you both happy. Ask yourself, "If her family relationship wasn't so messed up, and she didn't need my shoulder to cry on, or for me to listen to her problems so much, then would we have ended up as close as we are over the past 5 years?" Personally, I think the answer is "No." :eek:

And you may have problems of your own. You may want to be with her because she's needy. Maybe you're attracted to girls that "need" you because you aren't confident in yourself and don't believe that you have anything to really offer.

Find someone who loves you for who you are.....your personality.....not how much you can help her. :)

Even if she were to tell you that she wants to date you, i don't think it would be a good idea, so sticking with her right now is a lose-lose situation no matter what happens.

Redundancy Pool said:
Anyway I'm rambling it's late and I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, take Abstracts advice don't get sucked any farther down into the whirlpool, just get out and swim too shore. :apple:
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Thanks, but honestly, I think many other people have given great advice in this thread, albeit not as lengthy as my 1st post. ;)
 
Abstract said:
Just remember, if you ever doubt your decision and wonder why you're doing this to yourself, and to her, just remember that any relationship where one person relies too much on the other will never make you both happy. Ask yourself, "If her family relationship wasn't so messed up, and she didn't need my shoulder to cry on, or for me to listen to her problems so much, then would we have ended up as close as we are over the past 5 years?" Personally, I think the answer is "No." :eek:

And you may have problems of your own. You may want to be with her because she's needy. Maybe you're attracted to girls that "need" you because you aren't confident in yourself and don't believe that you have anything to really offer.

Find someone who loves you for who you are.....your personality.....not how much you can help her. :)

Even if she were to tell you that she wants to date you, i don't think it would be a good idea, so sticking with her right now is a lose-lose situation no matter what happens. :eek:



Thanks, but honestly, I think many other people have given great advice in this thread, albeit not as lengthy as my 1st post. ;)
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Yeah, honestly, your first post hit the nail on the head in getting to me. It's the first time in a long time something made some sense. Most people replied with less understanding when i searched for help on the issue from friends etc.

By the way you said even if she wanted to date me it isnt a good idea. I thought about that and your right, so then wouldn't that get me over the hurdle of not being able to be her friend? or am i wrong here.
 
mgacam2 said:
Anyway i just never thought about commitment issues before, and yes all my friends have said it's not me that is the issue but her. Anyone wanna try and explain this better to me.
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What happens in their early family life to children affects their behaviour when they grow up. Things like divorce or abuse have an effect on child psychology. You know how if you beat a dog from the day it is born, it ends up mean? Like that, but with people.

Cases of divorce, neglect or abandonment can deeply traumatize a child. The people who are supposed to be always there, aren't, and it is a deeply painful violation of trust. When these children grow older, they are primed to avoid this happening again at all costs. So they will avoid meaningful relationships. The rule seems to be "if you don't play, you can't get hurt".

So you'll get two guys. The first has no real feelings for her, but notes that she has a great body and will be suitable for a "good time". The second has real feelings for her. Unlike most women, she will deliberately choose the first precisely because the second represents an emotional minefield. With the second guy, she will want to be friends because there isn't the same degree of commitment.

This is somewhat rare. In my experience, most of the women who want to be friends with guys and string them along (I have a sad and pathetic friend who is perpetually involved with these women) are already married or in a long term relationship. They will spend most of their time moaning about how their husband or boyfriend "doesn't understand them" or "won't talk", but they never leave him or put out.
 
friendzone advice needed, almost

So some people might remember my previous thread where i talked about this girl. We have been best friends and knwon each other for the past 5 years. Talking everyday hanging out everyday. She knew i liked her sorta thing and yeah. Anyway i went on msn completely drunk out of my mind and told her i loved her and how hard it was to be her friend. I just spewed out every feeling i had. The basics understanding i got from her is she said she had thought about a relationship with me, or atleast thats what i remember her saying. Anyway she said she would talk to me about it tommorow. Well its tommorow and i havnt called her or messaged her and she hasnt done the same but she IS there. What do i do now?
 
First, never use "I was drunk" as an excuse. It makes you look stupid as all hell.
Second, you said what you wanted to say and used the idea that you were drunk as your protective cover in the event something goes wrong.
Third, I've been **** faced out of my mind and sent a text or ten and I assure you, if you're drunk out of your mind your MSN chat was gibberish.
Fourth, MSN logs will save your soul when you do wake up the next morning.
Fifth, WTF is it with the constant threads on friendzone? There is no friendzone...it's a "I'm a ****ing loser who loves someone I can't have" zone.

Now that we have the basics out of the way. If you're online and she's online perhaps you initiate a chat and see how she is after she had to be the victim of your supposed drunkenness. Man up dude and good luck because you'll need it. I believe if you truly loved her or even liked her you'd pay her enough respect to tell her how you felt sober.
 
You think spitting all your feelings out to her is gonna do any good? You just dug your grave even deeper.

I already told you in your other thread to just forget about it (and trust me you will once you're banging some other broad). Quit being such a wimp.

No contact (email text phone whatever). It isn't important what she thinks. Carry on with your life.
 
jessica. said:
Now that we have the basics out of the way. If you're online and she's online perhaps you initiate a chat and see how she is after she had to be the victim of your supposed drunkenness. Man up dude and good luck because you'll need it. I believe if you truly loved her or even liked her you'd pay her enough respect to tell her how you felt sober.
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It doesn't matter if he was sober or not. The deal is already done and he's just a friend to her.
 
jessica. said:
WTF is it with the constant threads on friendzone? There is no friendzone...it's a "I'm a ****ing loser who loves someone I can't have" zone.
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wow. sorry, but that is the funniest thing i've read in a long time. :D
 
jessica. said:
Second, you said what you wanted to say and used the idea that you were drunk as your protective cover in the event something goes wrong.
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Agreed. I was going to say the same thing.

What a pathetic lie to tell yourself, and a lousy excuse that you can use on her later if your next conversation doesn't turn out well for you. "Oh sorry, I was drunk at the time." Riiiiiight. From her position, it'll either sound as though you're a gutless liar, or you don't have the gonads to balls-up to tell her how you feel while sober.

THIS is the "friend zone", and even this guy admits at the end that there's no such thing.
 
These threads are making me frustrated because it's happened to almost every guy, including me. And every guy it's happened to knows that you should run the other direction as fast as you can. Your inability to follow this wise advice leads me to believe that you need the personal experience.
 
I really didn't use the "cover" of being drunk to tell her my feelings. It just ended up that way. Really drunk and MSN available
 
Badandy said:
These threads are making me frustrated because it's happened to almost every guy, including me. And every guy it's happened to knows that you should run the other direction as fast as you can. Your inability to follow this wise advice leads me to believe that you need the personal experience.
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FYI It happens to women too only we seem to be less inclined to start threads on it. Not all women drag men around by their penis. ;)
 
Just tell her what you've been thinking for the past five years. That you want to rip her clothes off and screw her brains out. All women like to hear that sometime in their lives. Otherwise you just look like a *****.
 
it is quite simple really, if you are best friends with her you can never expect anything more. If you do go all the way with her then find out it doesn't work out you just ruined the relationship. You can never sleep with good friends, it will never end good. Just accept the fact that you can never be more then just friends.
 
jessica. said:
Fifth, WTF is it with the constant threads on friendzone? There is no friendzone...it's a "I'm a ****ing loser who loves someone I can't have" zone.
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That's a bit harsh don't you think? "Though love" I can understand, but I don't think there's a reason to insult the OP. Success means different things to different people. I don't think that the OP's lack of skills at opposite sex interactions make him a loser. If you are so annoyed by these threads you can simply skip them.


mgacam2, people may be giving you harsh advice about this, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. Move on with your life man. There is no use for love that only goes one way. You can fall in love again, with someone that will love you back, as long as you can realize that you are worth much more than what she is giving you.

You don't need anymore advice than the one you've already been given man. From now on expect to hear the same reply over and over with increasing levels of bluntness/harshness. You decide when to make it stop.
 
floyde said:
That's a bit harsh don't you think? "Though love" I can understand, but I don't think there's a reason to insult the OP. Success means different things to different people. I don't think that the OP's lack of skills at opposite sex interactions make him a loser. If you are so annoyed by these threads you can simply skip them.


mgacam2, people may be giving you harsh advice about this, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. Move on with your life man. There is no use for love that only goes one way. You can fall in love again, with someone that will love you back, as long as you can realize that you are worth much more than what she is giving you.

You don't need anymore advice than the one you've already been given man. From now on expect to hear the same reply over and over with increasing levels of bluntness/harshness. You decide when to make it stop.
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You should probably read the other thread... I think that's just frustration boiling to the top...
 
pilotError said:
You should probably read the other thread... I think that's just frustration boiling to the top...
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Well I did read enough of that thread to understand the frustration, but I think that the "friend zone" problem, at its core, is a self-esteem issue. I believe that the best approach would be to make the OP feel good about himself, so that he can become aware of how he's been devaluing himself by clinging to this ungrateful friend of his. Once he understands his true value, he'll find his previous behavior absurd and will finally move on. At least that's what I think happened to me.
 
Friend Zone = fuct.
Its just straight truth dude, you're young more ladies will come along.
(I will admit that I didn't read anything but the thread title, but really feel like I don't need to)
 
Badandy said:
These threads are making me frustrated because it's happened to almost every guy, including me. And every guy it's happened to knows that you should run the other direction as fast as you can. Your inability to follow this wise advice leads me to believe that you need the personal experience.
Click to expand...

I'd like to preface my contribution to the thread by saying that I think fortune cookie advice is typically over simplistic and at times kind of silly. However, years ago I got a fortune that I thought was very simple but very important to remember all at once. And it goes along the lines of what andy has said.

"Many receive advice, only the wise profits by it."

You've got 4 pages of advice here. Time to profit by it. Forget about her. She's not your friend, and she definitely doesn't love you. I wouldn't do the things she's done to you to my worst enemy.
 
Well i ended up talking to her about it all. Told her I loved her, told her it hurt to not be with her and that i wanted to be with her. She said we couldnt be together because were to close. I told her shes bs and to tell me the brutal truth and she stood by her answer no matter how many times i asked. She also told me that shes also dating a guy at the moment and was hiding it from me. But she kept saying but don't worry its not serious. I asked her why do you tell me to not worry. She said not to outrule a relationship with her and that she just isnt ready to have one with me YET. I said again yet? and questioned her on it and she just said yes..Yet. I asked her, so do you want me to wait for you? I asked it implying to her i wouldnt though. She said no. And yeah she also told me that it wasnt because i was inadaqute because she thinks im good looking charming funny etc but she just doesnt want to have one with me yet because were so close.. What do you guys think this means? By the way i'v cut contact but i'd still like to know. I wasted 5 years of my life on this god dam **** so.
 
^^
Now you just sound desperate, give it up you won't be anything more than friends with her. Let it go, she doesn't love you like that and she never will. Pick up your ego and walk away.
 
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