I basically agree with everything you said here. Jim Cramer is a known provocateur, but he is an actor, not a criminal. He knows better than doing or saying something that will land him in prison for many years. Jim Cramer may be able to manipulate AAPL because of his high-profile status on TV, but knowing his reputation, it's hard to imagine anyone would fall for his shenanigans at this point.
I've been investing in AAPL for long enough to have observed exactly the behavior of the analysts that you have described. I used to be upset at them for doing what they do every quarter. I also never (until recently) understood why they are so infatuated with AMZN or even TSLA. However, I'm starting to realize that net income (profit) is not the only metric that they go by to value a corporation. In fact, it's not even the main metric. They look into the long-term goals and strategies when they decide how the stock should be valued. AAPL has had over $200 billion USD in the bank now for years and years. They have raised the dividend (which I'm happy about), and have been buying back AAPL shares, which I'm neutral on. However, they have done NOTHING with that money to invest in the future of the company outside of building a new campus for a few billion dollars and building a few data centers. Tim Cook has no clue about what to do with this money. Steve Jobs was paranoid about money and wanted to keep a healthy stash in the bank for the rainy day, but over $200 billion in a bank is much more than a rainy-day stash. Steve Jobs passed away before he told Tim Cook what Tim should be doing with this incredible amount of money, and so, Apple has no clue what to do. At the same time, Jeff Bezos is investing almost every penny that Amazon makes into the business. He bought Whole Foods. It was a great move on his part. He invested in the cloud computing with AWS, and the Amazon cloud computing platform is a real cloud unlike iCloud, which is an amateurish joke. Apple can't even figure out shared storage in iCloud for family members. I have to use Dropbox to be able to share my business documents with my wife because if I keep them in iCloud, my wife has no access to those folders. That is basic stuff that Apple can't figure out. Apple can't figure out iCloud Photo libraries shared with family members either. The progress of the development of iCloud services has been moving at a snail's pace for years now.
Apple has the money to do it right, but their services lag in every respect behind their competitors. Siri is another disastrous example of how incompetent the Apple's management is with respect to improving their cloud services. Another one is Apple Maps. Where is the long-promised Apple's TV streaming service? AT&T is now doing it, Google is doing it, Playstation is doing it, Sling is doing it, etc. Where is Apple; are they asleep at the wheel? I believe so. I can continue this list for a long time. Why isn't Apple fixing these issues? If the iPhone sales are now plateauing, and the services are the new main revenue stream for Apple going forward, why are the services so darn inadequate?
With the higher selling prices for the new Macs, there's one place where Apple can make a killing with the Mac, which is the enterprise. However, Apple is so incompetent in enterprise sales that they are leaving an incredible amount of money on the table. They don't have a good way for enterprises to repair computers, for instance. You have to take the computer to the local Apple store like any consumer would, even if you are a sizable business. That's unacceptable for large and even medium-size enterprises. This incompetence on the part of Apple is shocking to me as a shareholder. In the past, the argument was that Apple's main revenue stream is the iPhone, so they didn't really care about anything else. Well, guess what? It's time to start caring about these other things: services, enterprise sales, etc., and its' time to start using the $200+ billion stash for reinvesting in the business and coming out with something new rather than trying to keep the AAPL stock afloat with buybacks. Boost the AAPL price by doing what Amazon is doing, i.e. reinvesting into the future of the company.
The Apple Watch was a good try, but it will not make a significant contribution to the Apple's bottom line. They need either to come up with another blockbuster product like what they did with the iPhone in 2007 when they realized they couldn't grow business on Macs and iPods alone, or they need to bring order and perfection into their cloud services, their Mac penetration into enterprises, etc.
I wonder when Tim Cook is planning to retire because it doesn't seem to me that he has a long-term plan. His plan may work for a couple more quarters, or maybe even for a couple more years - now that Apple will no longer show the volume of devices sold each quarter, but eventually, they will run out of people who can afford their ever-increasing prices, so they'd better have another plan.