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Asking a girl to Prom

Don't get myopic in your search for a great female. I'm sure this girl is great, but there are TONS of great girls out there. When you're young it's really easy to get fixated on one girl and think that she's sooo much better than other girls and / or think that she's your only real hope. Don't believe it.

One of the best ways to make yourself attractive to a woman is for her to know that you have opportunities with other women so she better get on board before some other girls snatches you up On the other hand, if she feels like you're only chasing her and you don't really have any other real prospects then it'll make you seem less attractive since you're in such low demand, and it certainly will make her feel that she can take her time in deciding whether or not she wants to get together with you.

There are lots of fish in the sea, you should never be chasing just one at a time.
 
Well, I would also like to add...

Be creative, it keeps the girl entertained and makes her want to be around you.

Ok, well girls have different reasons to be around guys but still, being creative helps a lot. I mean you don't want to come to this forum to ask "I'm going on my 2nd date, can some one help me what do I say to ask her?!?"

But good luck and I'll continue reading this thread lol.

Btw, think of other options. Obviously, she is having second thoughts and if you really don't want to be alone on a [Given day] then have some one else in your mind.
 
she was sorta shocked when I asked her. she was like "seriously? really?" and she had a smile on her face. and then "i just told her that she didnt have to answer me today." she is a really good friend of mine though. and when i asked her I just told her "as friends."
 
HenryTheGood said:
she was sorta shocked when I asked her. she was like "seriously? really?" and she had a smile on her face. and then "i just told her that she didnt have to answer me today." she is a really good friend of mine though. and when i asked her I just told her "as friends."
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At least it sounds like you are getting somewhere with this girl. Hopefully everything ends well.
 
HenryTheGood said:
she was sorta shocked when I asked her. she was like "seriously? really?" and she had a smile on her face. and then "i just told her that she didnt have to answer me today." she is a really good friend of mine though. and when i asked her I just told her "as friends."
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OK, well done for asking her, but if you want this to turn into something more, get away from the "as friends" thing and DON'T SAY THOSE WORDS AGAIN. "Friends" is a path which leads in the opposite direction to the lovers path. By saying "as friends" you've diffused the situation and that's not what you want to do. Both the "don't answer me today" and "as friends" make you feel better, but will make her feel like you're not serious (and she may find someone more serious to go with).

You need to show some more strength and let her know that you really do want her to go to the prom. Phone her and tell her that. Don't water it down.
 
firestarter said:
OK, well done for asking her, but if you want this to turn into something more, get away from the "as friends" thing and DON'T SAY THOSE WORDS AGAIN.
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:D I'm cracking up, that's hilarious - and completely true! Poor OP - go back to her and say:

"Remember I said the "as friends" thing - well, I'd like to strike that."

GirthP said:
Whew! I thought I had blown it! I'm glad we're still on the level... ;)
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Get on with it, ask me out - but I'll want a few days to think about it :)
 
Build a time machine, go back 3 days, and phone her. :p


Why did you wait 5 days? You're not checking up on a job interview. At least look really interested and keen on her. Five days is a long time for something like this.
 
HenryTheGood said:
hahaha what do i ask her if she hasnt answered in like 5 days?
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What should you ask her? Absolutely nothing. You gotta act more confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."
 
Dude. This is gonna sting, but move on.

She's not into you. You acted like a wuss. I know it sucks, but we've all done it, and the sooner you can suck it up, and see it... the sooner you can change it.

I've been where you are. The only way you will EVER get her, is if you move on NOW.

If a girl you liked asked you to do something, would you wait X days to make contact?? She's frankly not even acting like a friend. A friend wouldn't string you out like that.

I've got some gold for ya. PM me if you want it.
 
motulist said:
What should you ask her? Absolutely nothing. You gotta act more confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."
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that just makes it sound like i'm using her. is there a way i can ask her online. i asked her on friday which was 3 days ago. anyone know a good way to ask politely?
 
I know how this goes, and unfortunately I fail miserably at this, so my advice is probably worth a failure, but:

I have tried twice, and unfortunately, failed twice. The first girl, in retrospect, was a bad person to ask to begin with: she liked another guy, and a guy she can't get. The second girl (I asked her last week) gave me the superbright smile, and had the same reaction as yours, and the next day when she had time to think on it, she said she had to deny me this. I though before hand she liked me, but, learning from the first one, decided not to go emo :p.

Unfortunately, it looks as if she's putting it off, to delay telling you the bad news. But, if I'm wrong as usual, have fun paying hellish amounts of money on her!
 
HenryTheGood said:
that just makes it sound like i'm using her. is there a way i can ask her online. i asked her on friday which was 3 days ago. anyone know a good way to ask politely?
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Just like GirthP said, stop being a wussy. This is tough love I'm about to give you exactly because I want you to do well with the opposite sex.

Don't ask her anything. Especially don't ask her anything online. And stop worrying about being impolite or looking like a macho pig or whatever, just be honest about what you want and act accordingly. Doing anything else is what makes you dishonest and scheming, not the other way around. You want to get into her pants and maybe build a relationship. If you don't at least partially act like a guy who wants to get into her pants, then that's when you're being rude and piggish to women because you're putting on a false front to try to get into her pants.

Trust me on this, you gotta stop worrying about trying to make people think you're a nice guy, or not a macho pig or whatever. You should act like you want what you actually want. Anything else is dishonest, and worse, will lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. If you act in a way that's honest about what you want, then you will get much more of what you want, and people in general will like you and respect you much more when you act honestly about your desires.


EDIT: But hey, it's your life, you can do what you want. If you wanna keep doing things the way you've been doing, then go right ahead, it's no skin off my back. But realize that if you keep doing what you've been doing, then you're gonna keep getting the same results that you've gotten.
 
motulist said:
But hey, it's your life, you can do what you want. If you wanna keep doing things the way you've been doing, then go right ahead, it's no skin off my back. But realize that if you keep doing what you've been doing, then you're gonna keep getting the same results that you've gotten.
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okay. but hey, i talked to one of my friends who is a girl and she said that she will probably give me an answer tomorrow. my friend also told me that if she doesnt ask me to just get the girl alone with me and just say "hey, have you had a chance to think about going to prom with me? we would just be going as friends." and she said if i dont get a chance to get alone with her to just call her up on the phone and ask that.
 
motulist said:
What should you ask her? Absolutely nothing. You gotta act more confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."
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I think that's a good way to approach her, but instead of "I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else", I would say "I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but I'd like to get answer soon so that I don't get my hopes up, and be prepared for no reason."
 
HenryTheGood said:
okay. but hey, i talked to one of my friends who is a girl and she said that she will probably give me an answer tomorrow. my friend also told me that if she doesnt ask me to just get the girl alone with me and just say "hey, have you had a chance to think about going to prom with me? we would just be going as friends." and she said if i dont get a chance to get alone with her to just call her up on the phone and ask that.
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If you only ever want to friends with the girl, then that's a reasonable plan. But if you ever hope to be anything more than friends with her then you absolutely must never refer to yourselves as just friends. Once you're just friends with a girl it's pretty close to impossible to ever turn it into a romantic relationship.

Edit: And oh yeah, in general most women give terrible advice about what will actually work.
 
okay well its a start to say just friends. i mean maybe she likes me a little but is unsure about everything and when we go to prom she may want to give it a chance. you never know.
 
But if you keep saying that you're 'just friends', and she does like you, then she'll think she has no hope and then who knows what would happen! And that would be really sad. :( Be brave, dude!
 
After reading the past 4 pages, I have to say that she doesn't seem to be all that interested past a friendship with you. Yeah, she smiled and was surprised when you asked her, but all girls get excited when someone asks them out, etc. Don't get me wrong, you probably have a great friendship and maybe in the future her feelings will change towards you.

Just echoing everyone else here, you HAVE to be confident. You can't act nervous, just be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then she is NOT worth it. You should not have to plan out what you are going to say for fear of saying something wrong that she won't like. You gotta just go and talk to her without a script and be yourself. I know its hard, but the sooner you can do that, the better off you'll be!

I hope that you get to go as friends and then see what happens....keep us posted!
 
HenryTheGood said:
okay well its a start to say just friends. i mean maybe she likes me a little but is unsure about everything and when we go to prom she may want to give it a chance. you never know.
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Man don't do this to yourself, trust me, many of us guys have been exactly where you are now. Don't think for a second that if you spend time as friends that maybe it'll evolve into a physical or romantic relationship. You're just setting yourself up for endless amounts of heartache. I feel like I'm watching a car crash in slow motion and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. DO NOT spend time with a girl as just friends hoping that it'll become something more. You'd be really wise to heed my advice man, you're just gonna cause yourself lots of pain.

Remember, a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a truly wise man learns from other people's mistakes.
 
henry,

if she says yes, the night of the prom you have to fess up that you think of her as more than a friend. i know why you told her that - to make asking her easier, but it's not the truth. false intentions, despite being meant well, are never good.

good luck and keep us posted.
cheers,
keebler
 
henry,

if she says yes, the night of the prom you have to fess up that you think of her as more than a friend. i know why you told her that - to make asking her easier, but it's not the truth. false intentions, despite being meant well, are never good.

good luck and keep us posted.
cheers,
keebler
 
He's not seeing what we are seeing guys.

I think he needs a little reality testing of his ideas before he can grasp the view we are offering.

Henry. You are going to be fine no matter what happens at the prom.

I traveled 200 miles to a strange town with a purple velvet tuxedo and had to hitchhike part of the way to get there on time cause I missed the greyhound. It was the most awkward moment of my life. So not going is still better than that.

;)
 
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