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Can you forgive someone for cheating on you?
- Thread starter Leareth
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Just don't allow yourself to become 35, unmarried with 3 cats, and a vehement manhater who cries herself to sleep after gorging on Ben and Jerrys wishing there were ANY good men out there. Men are horn-dogs, period. Make him suffer, but if he's got those qualities you fell in love with all you're doing is training him to be perfect for the next woman. Then again if he's a complete douchbag you're of course making the right choice. But all men commit adultery in their hearts and minds if not in the flesh. This is fact. It's also true that good men-that is to say men who make ideal partners reach a place in life where they've learned to put trust and family above the penis. Learned how? Probably because their last great love kicked them away. I still look around, but my wife's trust and the love of my kids keeps it in check. Furthermore, I don't hide my desire from my wife nor does she shy away from taking doubletakes at other men. It's healthy to be truly best friends with one's partner and best friends drool together sometimes _if not at the same time/ over the same people.
you're completely right... i'm still working through the damage that my last relationship caused. i don't want to be in a relationship right now, but i do like this new guy (a lot!) and i don't want to pass up a great opportunity with a great guy just because i feel like i'm not ready.
the worst part is that my FWB is someone i've known for a long time and he isn't necessarily someone that i would be willing give up... and i'm not sure that i can see him and not be intimate with him.
I'm not sure I completely understand the whole FWB scenario, so maybe you can help me out (this isn't me being judgmental at all, just curious). If you've got a friend that you know and like, that you don't want to give up, and that you like to have physical contact with, why would you just not date them as opposed to dating someone else and sleeping with the friend?
Does your FWB have an SO too? Or, I suppose, it's really just an O at this point and not so S.
I could forgive, especially if they can breath with a plastic bag over their head, then i'd forgive them..................nah,bin them, move on, life doesn't stand still because your heart got broke 
I know a guy at work, went home last christmas eve after finishing early (the boss might have been pissed after the dinner time session) only to find one of his bandmates giving his girlfriend a portion of christmas spirit in his bed !!!& the crazy thing is, they are still a couple, and his band are still together, and everyone's still friends.............he must be a forgiving guy........bet he still believes in santa too
I know a guy at work, went home last christmas eve after finishing early (the boss might have been pissed after the dinner time session) only to find one of his bandmates giving his girlfriend a portion of christmas spirit in his bed !!!& the crazy thing is, they are still a couple, and his band are still together, and everyone's still friends.............he must be a forgiving guy........bet he still believes in santa too
What if this was turned around? What if the guys you were seeing were doing this to you - would that be acceptable? If not then it is really not fair of you to do to them. I imagine the new guy has no idea about the FWB, but if he had an arrangement and it came outr would you be good with it? It is not like you would have a leg to stand on.
Having the FWB falls right into the "when Harry Met Sally" rule...
By misleading the new guy or dating under false pretenses you probably already "passed up a great opportunity" - unless he is the type of person that is OK with what it is you are doing - or you plan on building the relationship without the foundation of open and honest communication.
It sounds like you just want to have your cake and eat it too - if that works for you fine, but then again when it works against you it needs to be fine as well...
That depends on the person.
I know my girlfriend doesn't visit this site so I'm free to say whatever I want, but really, since we met (5 years ago) I've never even looked at another woman. So much so that even during college when other girls would flirt with me I wouldn't notice.
I could never cheat. It'd crush myself more than it would my girlfriend. We're a bit soft me and Caroline
My FWB and i have chatted about what we have and we both agree that neither or us wants to be in a relationship with one another. it's so simple - i think that's the selling point. it's like we're able to weed out all the junk that comes along with a relationship (jealousy, expectation, etc.) and just have the good stuff. we're very intimate with one another... sometimes we don't even have sex, we just cuddle and kiss. it's odd really... typically FWB aren't that close to one another... and it's intentional because if you are that close normally you start having feelings for the other person. perhaps that's what's going on without me knowing it... maybe that's why i'm so headstrong about not giving him up.
What if this was turned around? What if the guys you were seeing were doing this to you - would that be acceptable? If not then it is really not fair of you to do to them. I imagine the new guy has no idea about the FWB, but if he had an arrangement and it came outr would you be good with it? It is not like you would have a leg to stand on.
Having the FWB falls right into the "when Harry Met Sally" rule...
By misleading the new guy or dating under false pretenses you probably already "passed up a great opportunity" - unless he is the type of person that is OK with what it is you are doing - or you plan on building the relationship without the foundation of open and honest communication.
It sounds like you just want to have your cake and eat it too - if that works for you fine, but then again when it works against you it needs to be fine as well...
one of my girlfriends asked me that very same question yesterday when i was chatting with her about this... if the guy i'm seeing was to sleep with someone else, i really (and this is coming from a very honest place in me) REALLY wouldn't care. therein lies the problem.
i feel more loyalty to my FWB is the problem... it feels like he's the one who i have to be loyal to (and he knows all about the new guy).
Cheating is cheating whether your in a married relationship or not. The difference is that with marriage in the equation, you are no longer someone who belongs to themself. You've broken your sacred oath and you can not be taken seriously about your feelings any longer. Once this happens, there is no way to repair the problem. If you can't forgive, you must move on.
My (now ex GF) cheated on me after living with me in the UK (she was a New Yorker) for 4 years. After somewhat of a row I think she was on the plane on the way home after a week.
***** like this should not be tolerated, trust can never be returned.....
***** like this should not be tolerated, trust can never be returned.....
First of all, I think that is absurd on its face. Once someone cheats, their feelings can never be taken seriously again? Please.
Second, I thought the Bible was all about forgiveness?
Forgive and forget. Makes it easier.
If you forgive the cheater and end on a positive note, it'll be easier to get over it, and you won't be brought down by anything that reminds you of them.
If you forget it, you won't need to remember the pain they caused you, and you can live your life normally.
There's no point having your life ruined over something so insignificant in the grand old scheme of things.
If you forgive the cheater and end on a positive note, it'll be easier to get over it, and you won't be brought down by anything that reminds you of them.
If you forget it, you won't need to remember the pain they caused you, and you can live your life normally.
There's no point having your life ruined over something so insignificant in the grand old scheme of things.
I know this is a very belated reply...
13, Cheating is cheating period. I am saying that there is no sacred oath to an un-betroathed, so even though it still hurts, no laws are broken (holy or otherwise).
Naimfan, How do you repair the problem of believing someones expression of emotion towards you if they have cheated on you? "I boinked him/her, but I love you with all my heart." There seems to be something a little less special about a heart that can go boinking away and still say it meant nothing. Blaktornado said it best, "forgive and forget". Only problem is we are not immortal and are only human. We make mistakes, get hurt, or hurt someone and are not able to tap into a bottomless cup of forgiveness, though that would be a great thing. Please forgive me my absurdity. I hope this clarifies what I meant.
13, Cheating is cheating period. I am saying that there is no sacred oath to an un-betroathed, so even though it still hurts, no laws are broken (holy or otherwise).
Naimfan, How do you repair the problem of believing someones expression of emotion towards you if they have cheated on you? "I boinked him/her, but I love you with all my heart." There seems to be something a little less special about a heart that can go boinking away and still say it meant nothing. Blaktornado said it best, "forgive and forget". Only problem is we are not immortal and are only human. We make mistakes, get hurt, or hurt someone and are not able to tap into a bottomless cup of forgiveness, though that would be a great thing. Please forgive me my absurdity. I hope this clarifies what I meant.
Simply stated and I agree.
Over the years I've known folks who cheat, have affairs, etc. Some have open marriages and say that it is okay.
However, I have yet to meet one of these couples who have remained married and happy with one another over time. It just doesn't work.
One of the keys to a good marriage is trust. If you are having an affair with another how can you maintain trust with your spouse?
You can't, and therein lies the issue.
Another thing that i've found, is those who cheat will go to all ends trying to justify what they did and how it hasn't affected their marriage. Complete BS. All you have to do is observe human nature...
If someone cheated on me I would end it right there, and never forgive them.
I was recently going out with someone and found out she liked two other boys (and by then our relationship was pretty much screwed anyway) so I ended it.
I was recently going out with someone and found out she liked two other boys (and by then our relationship was pretty much screwed anyway) so I ended it.
Compromise is a useful skill to acquire if you don't wish to end up very lonely.
I probably will be for loads of other reasons, dosent bother me though, I will have more time and money to run my business and do other stuff I want, plus I am used to being lonely most of the time these days.
I really like that quote...and I'm not sure how I would handle that situation...
